Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Constant gushing about DH. AIBU?

14 replies

SalemShadow · 26/11/2019 16:12

I work with a woman who doesn’t stop gushing about her husband. It is CONSTANT! They have been married a decade. If its not going on and on at work, shes putting it all over facebook.

He doesn’t sound that great to me, is controlling with money to the point she cannot buy anything as all her money is already spent straight away on their breaks and holidays. He works away all the time and she doesn’t have a pound so always sponging off me and colleagues. She came from an abusive ex marriage. She said she didn’t want to get married again but this guy proposed in front of her whole family. He’s done loads of things that I find suspect.

However I just can’t get over the constant gushing about him at work and online. Shes like “OH I love him sooo much” constantly. There was an instance recently where she wanted to buy an item which was a couple of hundred pounds. I said to her to just buy it with her wages but she has been told by him that he will think and maybe treat or surprise her with it. I said sod that just buy it out of your wages why does it have to be a grand gesture? She literally has no money from her earnings so I don’t think he is “treating” her. I just don’t think its normal! Aibu? Or am I being a miserable cow? I am married btw if relevant.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 26/11/2019 16:15

She's in another abusive marriage and trying to convince herself she isn't.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/11/2019 16:16

Seems to me she does all this gushing because she's trying to convince herself how wonderful her husband is. I'd feel sorry for her, honestly.

Celebelly · 26/11/2019 16:17

Yep, she's either a) so damaged from her first marriage that her standards are incredibly low or b) fully aware her marriage/husband is shit but doesn't want to admit it/anyone else to know so over-compensates by gushing.

People in happy relationships tend not to gush about them. They just get on and enjoy their lives.

AryaStarkWolf · 26/11/2019 16:18

You could be a bit more sympathetic instead of posting on a forum about how annoying she is

DerbyshireGirly · 26/11/2019 16:30

I have a relation who is just like this, her husband is an arse and I think it's more to convince herself than anything else. She says how much in love they are until she's had a few drinks and he's out of earshot, then she starts talking about divorces and how she would be left with nothing. Sad really.

MummyJasmin · 26/11/2019 16:42

I can't help but feel sorry for her tbh.

cochineal7 · 26/11/2019 16:49

If your hunch is correct, she needs sympathy and support, not derision.

cushioncovers · 26/11/2019 16:52

I feel sorry for her it would seem to me that she is in denial and all the ott gushing about how great her dh is is too convince herself as well as everyone else. It's amazing what crap we will tolerate in the name of self preservation.

My father was still is a domineering man who had little regard for others, my mother went along with it, I knew no different and ended married to an almost exact replica. It was all I'd known 🤷🏻‍♀️but I spent years defending him, ignoring his behaviour, pretending to others that I didn't mind. Until one day I snapped. Been divorced and on my own ten years now and love it.

Op there's not much you can do if this colleague doesn't want to face things.

cantfindname · 26/11/2019 16:52

I worked with a woman like this. Every sentence was prefixed by "My Barry says" or "I'll have to ask my Barry"

As someone else pointed out it turned out 'Her Barry' is a massive dick and she can barely go for a wee without consulting him. She can't see it, the proverbial sun shines out his arse, but everyone else see exactly what he is.

8Iris8 · 26/11/2019 16:59

How sad, I feel very sorry for her. But at the same time I can see how annoying it must be to have to listen to!

81Byerley · 26/11/2019 17:05

I worked with a woman who had a "My Graham". He was the perfect husband, until he left her for a woman he'd met a week before....

BerylReader · 26/11/2019 17:19

She’s probably hoping that you’ll agree and then she can convince herself that this one is ok 😬

SalemShadow · 26/11/2019 20:21

Yeah I think she's trying to convince us all and herself that he isn't abusive. Not that we ever ask after him but she always brings it up constantly. He's so amazing... I'm so lucky.... I love him so much
.. God it seems so phoney

OP posts:
HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork · 26/11/2019 20:25

It must be infuriating especially as he’s apparently the very opposite of a great husband but I’d feel more inclined to feel sorry for this woman than anything else. It takes guts to leave an abusive relationship as it is, but to find yourself in another one is soul destroying, no doubt.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page