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ExH and extra contact

10 replies

RedCatTail · 25/11/2019 14:41

CAO for ExH to see 5 year old DD. I am responsible for all pick-ups and drop offs as this is what I wanted (we split due to his violence, he was removed by the police and although I’ve since moved I don’t like him in or near my home) but the court order states that if I need help I am to ask and ExH is to do at least one journey. He lives 2 miles from me so not a huge ask.

I am pretty flexible with extra contact if he asks, but expect him to make arrangements for her to be taken to him as I plan work and DDs Social Life around her contact so she may not be hom or whatever.

ExH has asked to have her late Sunday for an event with his friend and his friend’s children. Fine by me, but I said he will have to pick her up from my mums on Sunday afternoon. I will be there with DD for Sunday lunch as it’s my weekend. My mums house is closer to his than mine. I would then pick her up from his friends house which is actually half a mile from mine in the opposite direction.

“I’m working” he says “Can you drop her with X at 3pm and then when I get there from work I’ll have her then drop her home at 6.30”

AIBU to say no? He either gets her from me or she won’t be going. It’s my weekend and I usually drop her off to him and pick her up on his weekends, and extend the contact outside the court order whenever he asks as well as allowing all extra contact if it works for DD. ExH is making me feel guilty that I won’t drop everything for him. He doesn’t even have to pick her up from school as I do it. DD isn’t bothered about going to this event, she hardly knows the friends children they’re older (they’re young teens now) so out when she goes to her dads friends and she will only see her dad for around half of it anyway as he works half an hours drive from his house will go home after work, change and rock up at his friends around 4.30pm.

YABU - I should take DD to ExHs friend
YANBU - ExH should get DD from me

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/11/2019 14:47

YANBU, who the hell does he think he is?


RedCatTail · 25/11/2019 16:46

who the hell does he think he is?

Clearly he thinks I should bow to his demands. 15 people disagree with him though. So I'll tell him that he can pick her up or she's not going.

OP posts:

IdiotInDisguise · 25/11/2019 16:51

yes, pick up or she is not going. It is your weekend.


IdiotInDisguise · 25/11/2019 16:53

By the way, he is not going to be happy but you are already going the extra mile by allowing the contact when you are busy and picking her up at the end of the event.


Travis1 · 25/11/2019 16:54

Yup, he's asking for extra over so down to him to facilitate that. You are not at his beck and call.


AryaStarkWolf · 25/11/2019 16:57

I would love to know the reasoning behind whoever voted that YWBU btw


OrangeZog · 25/11/2019 16:57

ExH has asked to have her late Sunday for an event

How will your daughter feel is she misses out on this event? That’s what I’d ask myself before saying no although I completely agree with you in principle.


RedCatTail · 25/11/2019 17:09

How will your daughter feel is she misses out on this event?

She's not bothered about going, she'll go if I tell her she's going but if I say it's my weekend and I want to spend time with her she'll be happy with that too.

OP posts:

Littlebearstrousers · 25/11/2019 17:10

I would just say no. Seems like a massive faff for you and DD for the sake of half of an event.

I am like you and bend over backwards for ex but trekking around to this friend and that friend when you already have plans with your dm and it's your If it was the full afternoon then maybe but your ex doesn't finish work til after 3 (if I have that right?)


RedCatTail · 25/11/2019 17:15

your ex doesn't finish work til after 3

He finishes at 3.30pm yes

OP posts:
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