Secret Fucking Santa for 8-9 year olds???

[AaandBreathe]

Just had a letter home from school about a Secret Santa. Each kid picks three names out of a hat over the next three weeks and has to buy (three gifts shouldn't cost more than £10) a gift and at some point over the week secretly deliver it to the child.

The aim of the exercise is to learn how to keep secrets and how to plan strategically.

I have to sign a form saying that either my DS will take part any by signing he is agreeing to keep secret:
Who his gifts are for.
What the gift is.
If he spots anyone else delivering or wrapping their gift.

Or I can refuse to let him take part. Because that will be fun when all the other kids in the class get gifts.

DS has ASD & ADHD. He has never understood the concept of keeping something secret He will happily hand you a gift and say "open it, it's your new X".

He still believes in Santa.

WTF are the thinking and what the hell do I do next?

Oh and AIBU for thinking the school are miserable tossers who want to destroy my DS's Christmas?

So the school what people to find £30 in the run up to Christmas to buy secret Santa presents? I don't think you would be alone in not signing up for this! It has disaster written all over. Some people will forget presents or buy for the wrong child or spend to much or to little I would stay well out of it!

I'd talk to the other parents at school and see how many are agreeing to it. I don't think your ds would be alone in not doing it.

Ahh bless.

No bloody way. I'd tell the teacher that my child is out or she can hand me the money.

DH has the same view as you PBo83 massive pile of wank is what he said when he read the letter!

Undecided. I suppose I'll have to go and see if I can have a word with the teacher tomorrow. Find out what will happen if someone does let slip or see if we can make it so he doesn't know who he has drawn. Or as another said, I give gifts for him.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the class teacher will think this is a daft idea as well, for all the reasons you've already given, and may well enjoy steering you towards the head. I can't imagine the uproar at some of the schools where I taught....as a PP said, probably sounded a brilliant idea at that staff meeting when everyone was too tired to think straight, or point out the snags.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the class teacher will think this is a daft idea as well
It must be their (he has two class teachers) idea though. Haven't had anything home for my younger DC.

When I was a lone parent £10 spare would have been used on the gas meter to heat the house.

Pile of wank indeed OP! Your DH is spot on!

A little boy I look after had something similar in their class last week but they used the angle that it was about acts of kindness. Each child was given a classmate that they had to do nice things for, include in their play, leave pictures/small gift in their tray etc without getting found out. The only trouble is, this little boy went out of his way to be kind to his designated friend, but no one did anything nice for him. No note in his tray, no gift, nothing. He was absolutely gutted. He's only 5. I'm sure the intention was there when the teacher thought it up, but unless everyone gets involved then there's going to be some disappointed children.

Personally, I think it's a big ask in this case-its not something the kids can do on their own so it loses its meaning.

I think its a ridiculous idea. I'd stage my own protest and keep DS off on the present giving day and do something nice with him instead. Appreciate not everyone can just take a day off though.

I think one £2 gift would be more appropriate and inclusive of most families. I got DS a selection box for £1.50 half price, or there are lots of small gifts you can buy for under £2.

I don't see how believing in Santa is relevant, other people still give gifts and can pretend to be Santa.

I think it's better to just bring a wrapped gift then each child picks one, that's how it's been done when my DS did it. That way the teacher can add a few extra gifts if necessary, no one needs to know if a child from a struggling family doesn't bring anything. DS brought chocolate then picked his own gift though .

It's not at all odd to object to the concept of secret over surprise - this has been completely standard safeguarding advice for ages.

I could understand laypeople not being aware of it because you don't always come across the concept, but for a school - they absolutely should be aware.

But does your child think Santa brings every single present anyone gets? Presumably not because you've talked about him telling other people what gifts you've got them. So I don't think it spoils the Santa thing. I would use the 'pretending to be Father Christmas' idea that a pp suggested to explain it.

I do agree that it's a lot to ask. One present for one child only and a lower spending limit (£3-5) would have been better. And they should be careful about the whole keeping secrets thing. It really sounds overly complicated.

I work with teenagers in a fee paying school. Our tutor group secret Santa is max £2.50 and the children have been encouraged to go to a charity shop/school fayre/make something. They can’t ever keep it a secret! Most people end up with chocolate...£10 x 3 is ridiculous! Even the work secret Santa is £5.

God, YANBU. I agree with all the reasons presented but also it will be such a fucking faff and yet another thing to think about.

Mine are only 2 and 4 and I couldn't be doing with this nonsense.

We say 'surprise' rather than 'secret' too.

Anyway, no advice OP but YANBU.

I work in a school and think that, in every way possible, this is a terrible idea. Completely unhelpful, I know, but YA absolutely NBU.

"I don't tell him any more what gifts are because I know he will blurt it out, then get upset that he told.*

Just do that here. Especially as he wants to take part, and you know he feels bad once he's blurted out what things are.

Go to something like smiggle, or the pound shop and look through the bits of stationery for him to pick. Say 8 things. Then tell him, you'll choose 3 things from his selection, but they'll be a surprise and you'll wrap them for him, after all he's done the important part by choosing the 8 initial things.

My DS11 has ADHD. That's how I'd play it.

Oh, and yanbu. Stupid idea of the school. It will be the first and last year they do it when they see what happens when those who sign up, forget or don't bother to do it.

I thought secret Santa was one gift for one person. Why is it for 3 people? And £10 per gift??

What happens to those that talk anyway? Does the Elf on the Shelf get involved?

When did Christmas become so complicated?

I read it as £10 for three presents - agree with all previous comments on it being additional work for parents at a time they don’t need it and unnecessary expense.

Ask how it fits in with being environmentally friendly - my children are all raising the issue with me so the idea has come from school. I’m trying to cut down on general tat coming into the house this Christmas.

The 3 gifts in the Advent weeks to a random selected classmate is a big thing here in Switzerland. Some teachers refuse to allow it as there are always problems, but generally it is good fun and often the teaching staff join in too.

Usually the limit is about £2 per gift and homemade gifts such as cookies, sugared peanuts or decorations are popular. One teacher really messed up by specifying small gifts and a wealthy Russian parent misunderstood this was about size rather than value and gifted a Gucci key ring! My kids have received all sorts of stuff, from lipsalves and stationery to unwanted little toys.

OP I would speak to the teacher to ask if it is possible for the teaching staff to help your son take part.

Not sure this is such a good idea. To begin with, someone is bound to draw someone they don't like and be forced to get them something.

I'd canvas a couple parents about their thoughts on this and then call the school. Sounds like a ridiculous idea.
My kids school do secret Santa and pull one name. My daughter always tried to get something she thought the recipient would appreciate but it's never worked and she gets embarrassed. This year she says everyone just gives sweets anyway so she's not going to even try unless she's friends with the person. Just an added stress for the kids and if you have a few kids £££.

I wouldn’t be happy about this either. I have a budget for Christmas and spending £30 on secret Santa for kids my kids barely know wouldn’t be accounted for. I don’t understand the concept at all. I understand putting in food items so it can go to Foodbank etc but secret Santa in a class is just ridiculous.

The school isn't going to stop their plans for one child with ASD I'm afraid

I would hate this tbh. £30 is almost half of our good shopping budget for a normal week and we sometimes don't even have that.

What would happen if your child got the name of someone who bullies and picks on them? Or if their bully had to pick a gift for your child? What about if the class is split socio-economically and only half the class can afford to take part, or worse, most of the class can afford it but a small but significant number can't and are therefore going to be segregated and left out for reasons beyond their control?

Is keeping secrets even on the National Curriculum anyway? It's not a learning objective that I've ever come across.

Finally, let's face it, small, cheap gifts for a tenner or less are more often than not going to be cheap, plastic tat that will be neither use nor ornament and ultimately end up in landfill. Teaching children to buy cheap crap just for the sake of it is surely going against the current ideology of reducing waste and sustainable living that, in my experience at least, many schools are trying to encourage.