Ex mil taking DS

[greenjellybabies]

Hi everyone. I have name changed but have a couple of other threads regarding my exh, his gf and my DS.

Things escalated after my last thread and I had to get a solicitor involved to get exh's gf to leave me along after abusive and threatening messages on SM. Ex has since retaliated in several ways including reducing contact with DS (3yo) and reducing my CM payments but that's another thread.

Recently exh and his gf have moved in together approx 25 miles away with their DS who is 1yo. My ex MIL is aware of the situation but still insists on attempting to take my DS to the town where exh and gf now live despite me explaining the reasons why it is not to happen.

Most recent situation is that she messaged me few days ago asking to pick up my DS from our home (which is exh's job anyway as it's his day for contact) and take him to an event that includes father Xmas next week that is near where exh now lives. I've said no and explained my reasons, stating that I'm more than happy for DS to be taken locally (he still has family still local to me also) but he is not to be taken anywhere near where exh and gf live. Everyone knows this already.

She is now insisting, messaging regularly and it's becoming really irritating - AIBU to just stand my ground and refuse - given that it's not her contact day anyway? For context, ex MIL comes fairly regularly to see DS at our home on separate occasions other than ex's contact days

TIA

Your ex mil has a contact day?

@Hopefloatsaway not particularly, she moved away in the summer so will contact me if she's back in the area asking to see DS, which within reason I agree to - exh only sees DS once a month

Wouldn't it be in your child's interest to see their Dad more than once a month or is it court ordered?

She's your ex MIL. Block her number and tell her she can see DS in your ex's contact time.

If you give her regular access she could take you to court to enforce it continuing.

And get your child support garnished from his wages officially so he can't hold that over you.

You say she’s messaging constantly. You might want to wake her up by reminding her that she has no legal right at all to see your DS, as the mum of the man who wants nothing to do with him. She can either agree with you to do what’s in DS’ best interests, or she can pound sand. Also agreed with @glitterfarts; I would also be careful about established “contact days.” I’m obviously not at all well-versed, but I know in some countries (so maybe not in England, but maybe yes in Scotland, or vice versa?), if GPs can prove regular solo contact is scheduled, they may be able to argue for it to be legally mandated. (Some one who knows more can probably shed more light).

Agree you risk mil seeking her own court order for contact... Stop it now.
Exh can organise her seeing ds him in his time.
If she gets an order you won't be able to dictate her actions during it.

Be very careful about this contact thing.

Once it's established she could go to court. Then you might well end up in a situation where although your ex is not really involved, you have no choice in seeing his mother sweep your DS off to interact with him/his gf on a regualr basis and you'll have no say.

Text her saying 'We are going to take a bit of space for the next month or so to let things settle down. As you know I have had to take legal action in order to prevent XXX harassing me. This harassment has had an effect on DS too you know. Ex has shown that he has absolutely no care for DS and isn't prepared to protect him in this situation at all. I know you don't see DS that much/know DS that well but I would hate to think that you too cared for him so little that you would potentially put him in a distressing situation. Please give us some space. I will contact you when things have settled down and DS is more settled.'

Be SURE to put in that she doesn't see him that much and doesn't know him intimately. That text could be useful in the future, prevent her from using it as a case for access by throwing in that she isn't close.

If she persists see your solicitor.

Look, bottom line is that your Ex is going to bail - he sees an easier future with your DS cut out and that's exactly what his horrible partner seems to want. Once they have a baby you won't hear a peep. And it's likely that at that point MIL will focus on her new grandchild too.

You're better off detaching asap and getting rid of her now.

She has no right to your child at all. If you choose to let her see DS on your own time with him that’s kind of you but it’s entirely up to you and at the first hint of hassle I’d just say no.

Most recent situation is that she messaged me few days ago asking to pick up my DS from our home (which is exh's job anyway as it's his day for contact) and take him to an event that includes father Xmas next week that is near where exh now lives. I've said no and explained my reasons, stating that I'm more than happy for DS to be taken locally (he still has family still local to me also) but he is not to be taken anywhere near where exh and gf live. Everyone knows this already.

If it's your ex's contact time, surely he'd be taking your son back to where he lives anyway?

@SleepingStandingUp yes I'm sure it would, but ex claimed he wasn't getting enough time with his other DS who he lives with - I can't force more contact.

Trying to answer all points here apologies if any are forgotten. Exh and gf already have 1 child together who is a year old. It's Lao understood that exh doesn't take DS back to his & his gfs house due to things that have happened in the past - this is understood by everyone and even agreed by exh

It's also understood... not idea where Lao came from

@greenjellybabies so the ex MIL isn't a tually taking DC to see him? So why does it matter if its the same town??

I'm not sure I fully understand the problem, he cant to exs house? Fine. But why ban a whole town?

I said it as a general area at first - but the plan was that ex MIL wants to take DS to the town to meet exh to do an activity they could do locally - and as they were all going to be local later in the day anyway I couldn't see a reason to go in that direction unless they were going to his house.....

Plans have changed today anyway, she says she wants to pick up DS and that exh is "going to meet them later" so now hes apparently not even involved in the contact day

Is the not going to his house court ordered or you trying to exert control op?

@SleepingStandingUp it's not court ordered no. But after everything that happened with his gf including her threatening my then 2 year old DS I said he was not to have any contact with her, to which exh agreed - as did the solicitor that I consulted

And yes I have the agreements in writing

You can have agreed anything you like but unless there is a Court Order in place, your ex can arrange for anyone he likes to take your DS anywhere he wants on his contact day.

@DeathStare so what would the options be? I didn't think you could get a court order to ensure the father of your child sees them and spends time with them? Not palms them off onto whoever they like....?

@DeathStare so what would the options be? I didn't think you could get a court order to ensure the father of your child sees them and spends time with them? Not palms them off onto whoever they like....?

Nope you can't. You just need to accept that on his contact day is likely to hand your DS over to his mother (or whoever he wants) and that she will take DS wherever she wants and there is nothing whatsoever you can do about that. I'm afraid you just need to make your peace with that