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AIBU?

To be so angry at ex-dh

16 replies

MisfitNinja · 24/11/2019 22:48

I posted a couple of weeks bk about ex dh turning up to collect dd with his new gf (of literally a wk) and her kids in tow for his 4 hour weekly time with her.

Well, since then he hasn't had her the past 2 was.

Has called me at 9am each Saturday standing watching his gf kid play rugby and come up with some bullshit as to y he can't have our dd. Last wk he was going 2 London, then later on posted on FB that they were the next town down from us. Then this wk when I said dd was a bit grumpy, he said he'd leave it as he 'can't be doing with a grumpy child'

Today dd was performing at our towns Christmas event. I had told him all wk what time slot she was on at and he promised to be there. This morning he calls and asks again and I tell him and he said 'oh I did t think she'd be on dead on 11:30' but I said no, that's the time slot she's given so that's when she'll be on.

So I got there, watched dd perform. No sign of ex dh. Performance ends. I collect dd and wander round down. Then at 12:15 he calls me as asks where we are as he's next to stage!!! I said we were shopping and dd had already been on. He said 'oh well I didn't think she'd be on exact on time!'

I am so cross and hurt for my dd, although to be fair to her she couldn't give a shit.

But the last two wks he's been up and out at stupid o'clock to watch his new gfs son in his thing but can't make it to see his own dd on time!!

This is the 4th performance dd has done and he hasn't made any others as always got some excuse. He also hasn't ever made a Christmas play or school assembly.

OP posts:
Zoecarter · 24/11/2019 22:54

What’s your Aibu ??

TowelNumber42 · 24/11/2019 23:01

You are cross and hurt that he does not love your child. Fair enough. Your child is well aware her dad gives no fucks about her already. He is a dickhead. That's why he's your ex, right? Stop expecting him to be anything else. Take a leaf out of DD's book, expect nothing. It's the disappointment at unmet expectations that's the killer. Stop thinking he will start caring. He won't.

NegroniOnIce · 24/11/2019 23:04

Text speak Confused

Seasword · 24/11/2019 23:09

@Zoecarter
So a mum is upset her ex isn’t supporting his daughter at her events while he turns up to watch his new girlfriend’s child play sports. And you want to know what her AIBU is?
My guess is she BU to be upset and you are being a shit.

Hecateh · 24/11/2019 23:14

He doesn't care about your daughter,

He really doesn't care about his girlfriend's son either, being there to watch him play football is all about getting his end away with the new girlfriend. Once the novelty of her has worn off he won't go to the football either - and may well be on to the next 'exciting' girlfriend and whatever he needs to do to convince them he cares.

Your daughter is right. Expect nothing, tell him nothing (unless he asks - and then only the facts, no expectations) much easier to get over then

Cherrysoup · 24/11/2019 23:17

Text speak

Since when is it forbidden to shorten words on here? There are plenty of abbreviations used. The OP isn’t after writing lessons, presumably.

I think, hard tho it is, you might need to accept that her df simply doesn’t care enough, OP. He sounds totally dickish.

AtomicSquirrel3 · 24/11/2019 23:20

@Zoecarter
Don't be a twat.

Honeyroar · 24/11/2019 23:22

No of course you’re not unreasonable to be angry at him, he’s behaving dreadfully. Your poor dd.

BumbleBeee69 · 24/11/2019 23:34

No OP, you are not being unreasonable, he's being a Prick.. and I suspect that Hecateh is bang on correct. Flowers

Heartburn888 · 24/11/2019 23:42

If your dd isn’t too bothered I’d just stop contacting him. No point stressing yourself out trying to make him see her when he’s clearly not interested.

I’d send him a message and say I’m not chasing your arse to be involved with your daughter anymore, you know the contact days and times turn up or don’t - it’s on you. Just have the decency to let me know if you are otherwise engaged.

Your Poor dd, at least she has you. Flowers

1Morewineplease · 24/11/2019 23:46

I feel so sorry for your daughter. Goodness knows what’s going through her mind. Just be there for her and leave your ex alone. Let him make contact and leave his conscience to himself.
You can’t make a dick like that step up to his obligations.

TiddyTid · 24/11/2019 23:55

What heartburn said

JasonPollack · 25/11/2019 08:28

Don't chase him for contact. It's better for her not to see him at all rather than him half-arse it.

MisfitNinja · 25/11/2019 15:50

Sorry for the 'text speak'

Also, I'm sorry if my AIBU wasn't clear.

My family think I am BU to feel so cross with my ex.

As you've all said he's a dick and has form for this so is unlikely to change and I really should have learnt not to expect him to be there.

By DD isn't bothered as she is still young (in yr2) and doesn't know that he's been watching his new gfs son play rugby.

But the fact he can make the effort for her da (he's been with her a matter of wks) but constantly doesn't make dds performances, doesn't have her for any decent time with her but then posts all over social media bragging about dds triumphs makes me so cross and upset. He doesn't pay maintenance, doesn't show for any performances or hardly sees her but plays the devoted dad on FB makes my heart break for dd she deserves so much more.

OP posts:
champagneandfromage50 · 25/11/2019 15:55

I am surprised your family think your BU to be cross. Your DD isn’t your ex priority and is being side lined. Be careful as this happened to me as a DC and it has affected me into my adult hood. I was desperate for attention and he appeared as and when he felt like it. I grew up with low self esteem and a desperation for boys to like me. I had severe trust issues and took a long time for me to come out of the darkness. Don’t let your DD become a victim of his shitty parenting

averythinline · 25/11/2019 15:59

he's a wanker but thats why your rid of him.... but get onto C/ms he should be conributing to her life... even if you just stick into savings for her...

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