To wonder why so many people are against marriage

[SweetSally]

I wonder why so many couples are against marriage? Many would say it's a piece of paper...when it's not. Why can't people see the benefits of marriage?

Many would say it's waste of money - is it really? One thing is getting married and another thing is splashing cash on a grand wedding...

I welcome your views (and please let's be nice to each other and accept everyone's opinion)

Please vote - is it important to be legally married?

Because people aren't taught what marriage entails from a legal standpoint.

I was married... Married alive.

Took a lot of effort to untangle myself from that mess and now I wouldn't advise anyone to legally shackle themselves to another person.

I understand there are probably some benefits to it but honestly, I don't see them.

I saw it as being very trapped.

Why have you posted this twice with different titles?

This has been done to death so a search of other threads might be useful as a starting point.

But agree, too many people go for the ‘I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my love’ and don’t understand it’s a legal contract

For me, yes marriage was important and I wouldn’t have had children outside of a marriage and home ownership in an attempt to give them a secure stable base.

However DH and I both work and share the housework and parenting so neither of us stand to gain or lose out.

Where one person has assets, earns far more etc I can see why they wouldn’t want to get married as until pre nips are legal it’s a huge gamble.

Who says it not?

Urgh.

Just twigged that this is a journalist.

Marriage is very important to me, culturally.
I wouldn’t live with a man, let alone have children outside of marriage.
The legal aspect is also important, but it’s not my main driver.

Because I am the higher earner and in the event of a split would be financially independent. Also, what with me being a ball breaking feminist and all, I cynically insisted on life insurance and wills etc, so if DP (or I, in fairness) die, DS and his surviving parent are covered. So fortunately, I have no need to compromise my (feminist, ball breaking) principles.

I love being married. It gives me a sense of belonging I didn't have while growing up, I couldn't wait to change my surname to his, and financially it protects me. I feel secure.

I've been married three times, unhappily. Now I live with my man and this has lasted longer than any of the marriages. Marriage comes with a sense of feeling trapped. So long as both parties are protected financially, there's nothing wrong with being happily unwed.

Most people are under the misconception that common law marriage is a thing in England. It’s not. If you want to have legal obligations with your domestic partner you need to sign a contract to that effect.

Until I had children I didn't want to get married. Didn't really see the point and the history of marriage (passing on "ownership" of a woman from a father to a husband) bothered me. I'm also an atheist so the God bit of marriage is unimportant to me. And my now DH felt the same.
Once I was pregnant tho, particularly when we decided I would go part time, it became more important. Partly for the legal protection it gave me as my career stalled to care for children but also because it felt like we wanted to make that commitment and declaration that we were planning to do all this for keeps. I also realised it was weddings I didn't like, not marriage, so we didn't have a wedding - just snuck off and did it on a Friday afternoon with only close family there.
I understand completely why some people might not like the idea of marriage, but that can leave some women vulnerable

Why don’t you tell us all your thoughts about marriage, lazy journalist?

To those of you who asked why is this threat posted twice - blame the traffic on the website which made it crash and I had to repost not knowing my first threat is 'live'

To some of you calling me a journalist - I am flattered! I did study Journalism at university and if I've known about Mumsnet back then it would have saved me a lot of time using your opinions in my articles instead of having to use my brain and do more research.

To everyone else - thank you for your honest opinion. I am married, have 2 children and for me it was very important to get married prior to having children for financial reasons. It also made me feel feel secure that my husband is does not see 'us' as something with an expiration date so why bother marrying... And I am quite old fashioned and believe in the values of marriage.

lightside gallive where the evidence op is a journalist ? she has posted on other threads,

I asked my sister this (she lives with her long term partner and has always been actively against getting married). She says that, for her, “wife” wasn’t a term she wanted to apply to herself, she didn’t want to be a”wife”. And the same for her partner: he couldn’t see himself fitting in the “husband” category.

For me wife = partner. For her wife seems to = second class citizen, wifey, I don’t know - something pretty negative anyway.

@WallyWallyWally

I completely understand how she feels like. I particularly do not like the term - stay at home mum. And being classified as "unemployed" because I am looking after our children (6m old and 2y old). I am doing a lot of work but somehow that experience does not fall in the CV skills category... And it should:

Negotiation skills (I want to see big bad MD negotiating with a toddler)
Multitasking (where do I even begin)
Crisis management (hungry baby no milk poorly toddler anyone?)
Working under pressure (....)

My dh didn't see the point in it, to him it was just a bit of paper that confirmed our relationship. To me it was saying "I want to be with you forever"
It wasn't until we had DS and the registrar explained the legal benefits of us being married that he changed his mind. Well he decided to marry me, he still tells me the house and our son should be enough to peove me he wants to be with me.

Bit like renting vs buying in the eyes of the law

I was going to answer until I saw your list of jobs... While being a parent can be challenging that sort of thing makes my teeth itch.

@SweetSally

I should add that they are likely to get married soon :-) they have looked around, and they cannot find any legal setup that replicates or goes further than marriage in terms of protecting my sister in the event of her partners death. He’s the high earner with a big pension, he owns their place, he has a poor relationship with his family. Marriage looks to be the simplest and cheapest way for them to ensure that what’s his passes directly to her.

I’ve promised not to refer to her as a wifey. ;-)