Couples therapy

[tiredandsleepyy]

I've just joined today and wanting a bit of advice, I have a bad relationship with in laws and so does dp, I've suggested we all sit down and talk through things so that they can understand our issue and boundaries we have set for our children and we can understand there issues, they declined this offer and dp has said there will be little to no contact with himself and dc until this arrangement happens, mil has continued to message dp just normally not even about meeting up to discuss just about normal things, he's ignored her and she's saying what have I ever done to hurt you (a lot really, not only to him but to me and children too) any way I've suggested that me and him should go to see a therapist to discuss the issue and see what a therapist suggests to do and how to deal with everything, he's laughed and said he won't do this it's stupid and silly and he's not doing it, aibu to be upset by this?

Not sure what you need to discuss? Surely his way to deal with it as lc or nc is the way it should go. It's his parents and you need to accept his lead.

Counselling with just you and him is not going to change his parents. They have hurt him, hurt you, hurt your dc - what do you think counselling will do? Give you magic words that will miraculously change them? Miraculously get them to accept they are hurtful and suddenly they'll become perfect GPS?

They've shown they want to ignore the problem and are trying to carry on as normal. There is no magical way of dealing with everything when one party refuses to engage.

Lc or nc is the sensible, realistic and acceptable way to go. Why are you fighting your dh on this? They are his parents. He's had to deal with their shite for way longer than you. He knows them better than you. He knows their tactics better than you. You do not have some magical power that an make everything better. And neither does a counsellor.

I just felt like the counselling could help us in better ways to resolve the situation, dp dad has never really been bad it's only within the last 6 month because dp mum is lying and this has caused arguments between us and fil, mil has been trouble all dp life, he's an only child and she's very controlling and manipulative, I've stopped putting up with this because she started to treat dc differently and this is when all the arguments have started, I don't want him to lose his family, I'm very family oriented, I just wanted to try one last time, to try and resolve everything

Not your job. It's his, IF he wants to. What on earth do you think you can achieve with a manipulative, controlling lying woman that her son hasn't tried before.

Stop trying to be a family orientated saviour and let the person who knows her best make his own decision. Your job is to support your dh, not forcefully try to fix his dysfunctional family relations.

Please god, don't tell me you've been traipsing out the 'you only get one mother' crap? In some circumstances that is one too many!

I do support him, I just don't want it to be this way, I don't want him to lose the rest of his family because of her, I'm not the 'you only have one mum type' I would lose contact with anyone including family if necessary, I just felt that if we could at least make the situation civil then he wouldn't lose everyone else, and things wouldn't be stressful and awkward for everyone

She’s been the way she is for his whole life? She won’t change now. And no therapist will solve this.