Help.

[BottomLineElectric]

Hi,

I hope I have posted in the right category.

I have recently gone through a very bad break up with my partner of 12 years we have a 10 year old son together.

Our son has taken it very very badly, he was diagnosed with anxiety at the age of 6, he is still in therapy.

Over the past few weeks it has got a lot worst, last week he complained of hearing voices, and for the past few nights he has reported things happening to him during the night, he says it is a combination of voices and him seeing things and he is not sure whether he is asleep or not.

Today he has been very fidgety and shaky which he can’t stop and has said that he can hear voices “some inside of my head, and some outside”

I am very worried, because he keeps saying he doesn’t want to be here anymore. I will book an appointment with our GP first thing in the morning, but I am scared because it’s just me and him here, would it be an exaggeration for me to take him to A&E

Thanks.

Good luck OP let us know how you get on.

You sound very angry (justifiably) at your ex but try to keep an open mind about what might be causing your son's symptoms until you get a proper diagnosis.

Hello OP , I hope you got some help for your son last night.

My eldest had auditory hallucinations and strange behaviour, twitching etc. I found found A&E staff quite dismissive. First time we went, they basically ruled out meningitis then sent us home.
I took him back the second night. They admitted him. Again, were dismissive until a doctor witnessed him pacing the room talking to people who weren't there (prior to that, it was almost as if they didnt believe me).

They then thought it might be encephalitis. Thank god it wasnt. We never got to the bottom of it. He had some kind of virus that affected his brain. He's fine now

I hope you get to the bottom of this. You might have to fight to be taken seriously

We were sent home after seeing someone from the mental health team, they are saying that it was stress whilst my son was crying and shaking.

It’s ok though, I am going to go private.

So sorry OP. It's disgraceful that you're having to go private. I'm sorry the NHS have let you down, as they have me in so, so many ways

Thank you.

I am going to make some phone calls later.

I am sorry too that the nhs has not been able to help you. There has not been enough funding in mental health for so long that the service can not cope any more.

If you can afford to private then that is your best path anyway as there is such a long wait for camhs in most areas. Maybe get a private consultation appt and then ask to be referred to a psychologist for ongoing treatment and counselling.

Hello, I am sorry you and your son are going through this. My GP's surgery told me that their practice is too tell all those with children under 15 experiencing severe mental health issues (as you described) to go to a&e as this will reduce referral times to other services and a&e should get a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) involved. I am sorry but not surprised they have been dismissive. CAMHS (in our area anyway) is an oversubscribed and under resourced service which rarely makes any difference to my child's mental health despite him being seen sporadically for 5 years. It is a tough situation to be in and I feel for you both. Do you have a supportive GP who might help if you contact them? They may be able to recommend a good private practice at the least? It may also be worth speaking to school as they may have counsellors they work with. No child or parent should be left alone to deal with this.

In the meantime can you co-sleep with him?

Hi,

Sorry for the late reply, I will be going for a private diagnosis, me not knowing what is wrong with him is causing me stress and anxiety. Even if the psychiatrist diagnoses him with stress at least I know.

I have spoken to my sons school, they are willing to let him have time off until he feeling better, they also offered therapy. He used to receive lego therapy for his anxiety which he enjoyed and looked forward to.

I don’t think I want to get the school fully involved in the current situation, because my EX has always drummed this into him “whatever happens at home or outside of school, you don’t tell anyone”
outsiders”

Maddening he has been getting in bed with me for the past few nights. He has been ok this afternoon, he has played his console and also had something to eat, this morning he was a bit teary he said that the house reminds him of his dad and even asked whether or not he is dead because he wouldn’t go away for so long

Poorl little soul Sounds like he's 'grieving' his Daddy on top of whatever else is going on in his little head. Either way, in whatever way, I really Hope you get the help/support he needs.

I've been in similar circumstances to yours (not your DS's health issues, but everything else you describe) and I decided there and then, that my DC's father gave up every right he had to his DC when he did just what your ex is doing to your DS right now. That's not a father, it really isn't.

Thinking of you OP this is such a tough situation to be in and you sound like you are a great mum willing to do whatever it takes to get help for DS.

https://youngminds.org.uk

https://www.headstogether.org.uk/partners/charity-partners/

A couple of links with charities it might be worth at least a call to, as they provide support to children with mental health needs.

Might even just do good for you to talk it through out loud with someone external. And they should have suggestions of support in your area at least as a starting place.

Thinking of you

Also try a psychological approach or a behavioural approach. Get a board certified behaviour analyst involved alongside ongoing MH professionals

I don’t think I want to get the school fully involved in the current situation, because my EX has always drummed this into him “whatever happens at home or outside of school, you don’t tell anyone” outsiders”

This is rather disturbing, sounds like the ex drummed this into you too?? Tell whoever can offer help for your son.

Do you think your son is not telling you something because the ex told him not to?

Do you think your son is not telling you something because the ex told him not to?

I don’t know, but I hope he hasn’t.

My EX redeemed himself this morning and turned up to take our son out, there wasn’t much conversation between us.

I have texted my him to ask what time he will be back, he didn’t reply so I tried to call him but his phone is switched off.

Now I’m worried that he won’t bring our son back.

I assume you didn’t agree a return time? It sounds like your ex is capable of playing controlling games with you, so may well be deliberately worrying you. If you have only recently split, presumably you have not got a Child Arrangement Order in place? Can you contact his Mum (or most likely relative) to ask if he is there?

Hopefully he will be back soon.

No, I don’t agree on a return time. This is all just very worrying for me. It’s 5pm now and I have no idea where they both are.

What happens if he doesn’t return him? Our son carries his surname so would there be much I can do??

If dad has PR but no child arrangement orders are in place then unless you manage to persuade him to return him, then you’ll have to seek legal advice (or go the court building) first thing on Monday morning and file papers to have your son returned. This is because he has exactly the same “rights” as you do. You MUST be proactive if he’s not returned by Monday because the longer you wait the more likely it is that a judge will order him to remain with dad as that becomes the status quo. So don’t wait.
If you have a CAO then phone the police.

Thank you for replying.

He sent me a text saying that our son doesn’t want to come back home and he will keep him until tomorrow evening, and that it would be best if I hand him over to him.

I really wish that he didn’t come back, maybe it will be best for him to have our son on the weekdays and I can have him on the weekends (obviously I don’t want this) but I am not strong enough to go through a custody battle.

Bottom, I am really sorry to hear this, its not on what he has done. You need to follow the advice of the poster above.

If I were you, I would start a new thread in relationships as this has now taken a different turn from your original post. Give it a title like ex has taken son and wont return him. Tell your story and there will be posters along who have been through this. Your ex wont play fair and you need to get good advice which will hopefully help you stand up for your son and it wont need to turn into a full blown custody battle.

Ok, thanks I’ll do that now.