Wondering what this message after a first date means.....

[ClarKkb]

I’ve recently joined OLD and went for my first date (since getting divorced a year ago) last night with a lovely guy. We had a great date which ended up lasting hours and seemed to really get on, but we didn’t actually set up another date or really mention one happening. I’m conscious that I discussed during the date how I’ve enjoyed being single after a long marriage and finding myself again. I made it clear I’m not looking for anything too full on initially, as I enjoy my own space (to which he agreed he felt exactly the same).

Received a message from him this morning thanking me for a lovely date and saying how much fun he had, however, still no mention of whether he wants to see me again. I cant work out whether he’s playing it cool (in view of what I said) or whether he’s just not that in to me and this type of message is a polite way of saying not interested.

I’m in my 40s, was previously married for 15 years so I’m very much out of touch with OLD and what’s considered the norm! I’d love to see him again, but don’t want to embarrass myself if I’m just not picking up on the signs it’s not reciprocated. Any advice would be appreciated as to how I should take this message and how I should respond!

Maybe he is waiting to see if you are warm back then will go in with another invite?

I don’t think he would message the next day (or at all) if he wasn’t interested. He may be uncertain about how keen you are. I’d reply and say thanks for a lovely date, let’s do it again sometime. Then the ball is in his court to arrange something if he wants to.

I’d take the message the following day as a positive sign. Message back and ask if he’d like to meet up again. You’ve got nothing to lose.

He wouldn’t have messaged in such a positive manner if he wasn’t interested , just message back saying you enjoy the evening too and it would be nice to see him again

I wouldn't expect another immediate invite. Perhaps just replied that you enjoyed it too and let's do it again sometime and leave it there.

What is OLD?

Just guessed it - online dating? I thought it was a site for old people dating! 😂

Seems like he's being respectful of your needs. You need and want space... He's therefore simply telling you that he enjoyed it and letting you have an honest reaction.

'yes, I enjoyed it as well. Shall we do it again?'

@Hagbeth hahaha. Yes online dating, though ‘old people dating’ might be more appropriate

He clearly likes you but is nervous to suggest meeting up again based on what you said

You should infer you'd like to see him again

I’d take it as he liked you but is unsure how you feel. I’d message back something like “I had a lovely time too, let me know if you fancy meeting up again sometime”, I wouldn’t play games and second guess what he means.

Why don’t you reply saying you also had fun and suggest doing it again? Your in your 40s come on no game playing! If you like him say you want to see him again. The worst he can say is no! You’ve already gone through a divorce you can handle a no from a repeat I’ve stranger

It's definitely a positive sign and he's testing the water. He's probably thinking the same thing as you but he's taken the first step and messaged first. Maybe you could reply with 'had a lovely time too, maybe we should do it again?'

Everything is possible! I went on a date very similar to yours, clear chemistry, got a message when I got home saying how great the date was etc... I said the same, thence heard nothing, texted again after a couple of days, still nothing, then emailed to ask if I should take the message he was interested, still nothing. I gave up at this point.

I had another one who was full on from the start, very keen, fantastic chemistry, brilliant first date. Then arrange for a second one, again, great chemistry, clearly an interest in taking things forward. Were making plans for a 3rd date for when he came back from holiday with his kids. Heard nothing during that time, which was ok, but nothing when he was back. I texted, nothing, so again, emailed, saying I was a bit surprised, and I finally got a response to say that he'd heard his ex was with someone new, he was depressed about it, really liked me but was too down to move on and it wouldn't be fair on me. I was gutted.

Thankfully, I did end up meeting Mr Right and together happily for 15 years now. So don't get too full of hope, but don't dismiss it either, just take it as it comes and if that one doesn't work out, don't give up.

Relative*

Honestly don't put yourself through the wondering. Just text him back saying me too, fancy doing it again? And see what he says. At least you'll know either way.

If he wasn’t keen for another date, I don’t think he’d text you at all. Sounds like he’s trying to be respectful of you not wanting anything full on to start with, but at the same time he wants to let you know he’s interested.

If you fancy another date, why not just ask him out? You’ve literally got nothing to lose.

He wouldn't have text you at all (let alone the next morning) if he wasn't interested! Reply and suggest another date :)

I think he’s just seeing what your reaction to his message is first - men can be afraid to put themselves out there too!

Just say you really enjoyed the evening too and would like to see him again. DO NOT say ‘sometime’ that’s a complete brush off!

You could even suggest something you think you might both enjoy...

‘I had a lovely evening too. I’m thinking about going to the x Christmas Market next Saturday if you fancy it, it would be nice to see you’

Try not to worry about ‘getting it right’ or ‘playing the game’ - just be yourself.

I agree, message him back something like "I had a lovely time too and would like to do it (or see you) again sometime" or even be bolder and add "So perhaps coffee/dinner next Friday?" or whatever.

You have nothing to lose and potentially everything quite a lot to gain. And if by chance he sends you a polite 'no thank you' remember that there are more fish in the sea than ever came out of it.

Message back that you had a nice tim, too and would he be up for doing something else together again? The worse he can say is no and you don't have to tell anyone IRL.

I was going to say exactly the same as Tistheseason.

What ‘Tis said!
Nothing to lose, surely?

The old mating danse;)

Either he dosent want to know as he didnt get his wicked way.

Or He's on cloud bloody nine and darent ask for fear ofd being turned down!

My view is that Faint Heart 'neer won fair lady:)

If you want to meet him again then just ask him. No need to overthink things. He might say no but, from the sound of his message, I think it sounds likely he will say yes.

Take the guesswork out of this and keep things simple.