To be angry about this?

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

DP and his ex had an incredibly acrimonious breakup. He had to go to court as she stopped all contact - claiming ridiculous safeguarding issues (he bought his two year old a fake poo bath toy to make her laugh - apparently this was a reason to stop contact). All was discredited. She assaulted him, all caught on CCTV. The police eventually dropped it after she refused to accept a caution, saying too much time had passed!

She's now started telling her 3 year old that my 13 year old is 'mean' and messaging DP to say that teenage dd used the word 'crap' in the presence of her 8 year old child and this is unacceptable. Dd is normal. Great school reports, never ever had a detention or a negative behaviour incident. Not perfect, but she is great with DPs kids. I feel angry that she's being dragged into the dispute here and I worry that she is trying to alienate my dd from her step siblings. I think step kids are interrogated when they get home. Dd has also been ignored when she has seen DPs ex out with the step kids after school. Step kids have tried to say hi and literally been dragged away.

AIBU to be furious?

Ps I have posted before and changed some genders for anonymity

Who told you what she told the 3 year old?

You can be furious but you know what she’s like and she’s not going to change. Trying to tackle her in any way will add fuel to the fire and probably spur her on. I’d ignore her, what else can you do.

The 3 year old is repeating it

The ex has an 8 year old and a three year old. They have a Two year old together?? Why would your dd even be in contact with the 8 and 3 yr old?

The 3 year old used to be 2 when they were going through court

Because we live together???

Are they both his?

Yes

What do you want to do about it? She’s difficult, violent and unpleasant. She doesn't need to have a relationship with your child, it would be nice if she was civil but she assaulted your partner that’s not her style.

Is it a safeguarding issue? She is deliberately alienating her kids from mine. I thought I would get dp to mention it to his solicitor. The judge has said any more breaches of the court order and she may lose residency.

I may just need to accept it though. Just worried it will get worse.

Has your dp gone for residency? Is he pushing for that?

He has tried. He's spent 30 k in court fees so far. Initially she kept moving areas and schools to stop him seeing them and he has never spent a Christmas with them. He's been to court ten times and has gone from no contact to EOW, midweek and half the holidays. The judge who presided over the last hearing has criticised her and said any further breaches will result in a change of residency. His dd was only a baby when she left him and so the court gave her residency to start with.

Might be in your favour then to not rock the boat at all and it for her to breach again as it sounds like she will.

Possibly. It's hard to know what to do. It brings out rage when someone attacks my child.