To be terrified of going on a date?

[Scaredofdating]

All my past relationships have been disastrous. Including a marriage, kids and a divorce.

I've been single now for around 8 months and he was controlling and selfish.

In every relationship its always been me who has paid for everything, bent over backwards, been there for them, changed myself.

I must add I also suffer from anxiety and depression.

I've been chatting to a guy now for around 4 weeks. He says he'd love to meet me, but there is no pressure. He's been single for 2 years.

He owns his own house, has a good job and comes across as very kind.

He's free on Monday evening and then not again until the middle of December due to signing up to lots of overtime over the Christmas period.

I want to meet him to see how we get on face to face, yet at the same time I'm absolutely terrified.

AIBU to keep putting this off due to being a scaredy cat?

What frightens you?

I’m not going to comment on the new guy, but if you seem to constantly date deadbeat men then maybe it’s time to focus on yourself for a while.

Eg how lovely would it be to build up your self esteem so you don’t “change yourself” for each partner? Or to have the self respect to sack someone off for not being there for you, when you are so supportive of them? Or to have the confidence to refuse to pay for everything?

I know that’s easier said than done though. Maybe you need the help of a counsellor.

With the new guy, I would just keep it casual and not rush into a relationship or anything emotional.

He's likely not to be the one and you would be better off thinking about dating him as practice to get you back into the dating game. It honestly can take years of dating to find someone with whom you really can have a meaningful relationship with.

Thinking about it as practice takes pressure off you too.

While meeting new men think about your priorities, standards and boundaries. That way you are less likely to settle for less!

Its nerve wracking going on a date especially when you have been burnt from the past but go for it, don't think about it too much and see what happens. Maybe you can meet for a coffee / drink before Christmas. I reread the book 'why men love bitches' after another poster mentioned it on another thread and we as women give so much of ourselves when dating and in relationships and wonder about everything. Men will not even worry about how the date will go, they will turn up and take it from there.