Do yo think some parents revel in the amount they have to do?

[glitterytrainers]

I see this quite a lot - especially when people tell me about their weekends and after school activities. They moan about never having a minute, having to drop wee Jimmy off at this and wee Jenny to this - activities they will have signed their kids up for (who are usually not that bothered). You get the impression that if you didn't send your kids to 12 clubs a week - karate, piano, violin, extra tuition etc. that you have sometimes failed. Do they not realise that kids get to a certain age and chuck most of these things anyway?

I never get this either. Most times it’s the parents that want the activity not the child then they spend all the time moaning about having to go and the costs.

Never been one to follow the crowds though. Mine picked for themselves and dropped as soon as they no longer enjoyed it.

I don't get it either. I see kids at school who are permanently knackered because they have to fit so much in after school. Then there's the kids who have no idea how to handle not having anything structured to do. They can't handle boredom for a second. Being able to deal with being bored is really important as life isn't all activities and entertainment, especially as you get older.

Yes competitive "busy ness".

I hate it. Why do that to yourself and your kids?

Yes I know people like this. It's part of a larger 'look how special I am, I'm the only person to have ever had a baby' attitude. It's very much a show off thing.

Same people who complain they are busy and then invent jobs like sweeping leaves up from the garden when there is a force 10 forecast, Hoover every room of the house everyday, clean the car religiously whether it needs it or not etc, make a massive deal out of two minute jobs like making a packed lunch.

Horses for courses. Just ignore them

I generally find with these parents that if you actually analyse what they are doing behind the long list of tasks, it isn't really that much. It's as if they feel that they have to justify what they are doing with their time - which I imagine is a form of insecurity.

Ha ha, I think I’ve been in danger of being like that this weekend.
We have a friend staying as she is at a conference nearby and it is also dh s birthday.
I put a lot of work into meals, presents, activities, housework (you know that continual clearing of meals , drinks and activities, more so even then normal family life) and last night I felt i I could go a bit martyrish.
So I reminded myself why I’d done it all, and smiled sweetly instead.

I was going to say, yabu, because I loved the busyness of having 0-10 year olds. To the point that I provide free childcare to my DD and one of her friends.

But, I didn't complain about it and wouldn't bother with people who did. I also stopped talking to a woman with a 12 year old, who would would sneer at me because 'I still had to do the school/hobby run'. I told her straight that this was part of why I wanted children.

That should have been, provide free childcare to my Adult DD and her friend, now I'm retired.

'hobby run'? That's a new one on me!

It does seem a strange thing, it does seem more for show than anything else and it seems to be for younger and younger kids.
Mine is on the edge of adulthood now, he used to have swimming classes when he was small because he's always loved water and I think its important for them to do it safely, and as he got older he's played in various football teams, which as an only child the social/team work aspect has been as important to him as the sport.
I think that was enough and it was always led by him. We always let him know that this was a pastime for his enjoyment and he could stop when it stopped being fun.
I know some of the team parents were as you describe and I agree, its for their benefit. All for Facebook bragging etc.

It's horses for courses.
I spent the equivalent of a ft job managing my dd business from aged 7.
We went all over the place, I had to chaperone.
Was a good call because her extracurricular activity turned out to be something in which she excels and is gifted.

I could have said, mums off to a job you'll just have to go to local clubs and attend school like other kids.
I was surprised by the parents who thought I'd pushed her or it was me that was wanting this lifestyle.

She did other activities too but gave them up when they began to clash.
I think it's important to give kids these opportunities, you never know what they are good at/enjoy until they try.

I generally find with these parents that if you actually analyse what they are doing behind the long list of tasks, it isn't really that much. It's as if they feel that they have to justify what they are doing with their time - which I imagine is a form of insecurity.

I can assure you it was very much in my situation, and tbh the parents I found justifying their times were the busy workers who didn't have the time to spend on their kids.

As a child, I always wanted to do all the activities - if there was something new I discovered, either from reading about it or watching someone else do it on TV or from friends doing it, I wanted to try it too. I would plead with my DM to let me do it too, so I did have a really busy schedule, through no fault of hers.

My brother, on the other hand, didn't really fancy venturing outside of his room much, so apart from beavers/cubs/scouts he didn't really do anything scheduled.

So I don't think it's always driven by the parents. And I loved doing all the classes and clubs I did as a child - if only there were time for all of those things as an adult!

I had to laugh the other day when I saw that "refill water bottles" was considered an actual task for someone getting the kids off to school. I mean sure, it needs to be done but then so does "put tea bag in cup" when making a brew or "remove pants before peeing" but neither really warrant being listed as a task.

Yes, though it's not just parents. Performance busy-ness is rife in every area of life. No one's ever allowed to just be enjoying a nice, relaxed pace of life or a sensible, manageable amount of work. We're all supposed to be busier than ever all the time, starting from when we're babies all the way up into retirement. It's exhausting just to think about.

Its all about self esteem, I know a mum who “moans” -shows off- about her sons endless high level football training and how important and seriously time consuming the whole thing is ( he is talented and may well be the next Wayne Rooney). I just nod and smile and oooo and uuummm in all the right places as that’s what she needs, she has given up high flying executive career and is now part time estate agent but references her old job endlessly so everyone knows she had a big shot career once... again bit sad but I just nod and agree and she feels better, she is a really nice/ good person just over invested in her job status and kids achievement in my opinion

I am probably one of these people you hate...

I work ft and my children do several sports/clubs/hobbies each, each week. I help out with the organising of a few of the things they do plus the pta. I and my dc enjoy being busy, engaged and interacting.

You could accuse me of 'revelling' if you wanted to, as I guess I do enjoy it in the same way that other people enjoy baking or planning holidays or keeping up with a Netflix series.

However, we do it because we enjoy it, we don't moan or complain and I don't ask for special treatment or approval. My dc are being supported to follow their interests rather than pushed to participate. We have lots of family and home time too and no one is suffering.

Surely it's just a choice thing?

Yes, though there are people who do the same about work. I dislike it, but what can you do eh?

I think it’s good for kids to have time to mooch about and find ways of entertaining themselves. They don’t need every mi ute of free time organised and supervised.

@DialANumber if I've understood, the OP isn't about "busy ness" in itself, more the endless moaning/humblebragging some people do about it, which it doesn't sound like you do.

"Competitive busy-ness" is deffo a thing, and not just for parents.

I'm childfree and have friends - also childfree - who love to boast about how busy busy busy they are. What with Pilates class, hill walks, commuting to work, their evening Russian classes etc etc, they never have a moment for themselves, poor things! Of course, most of these are things they choose to do and could choose not to do should they take a mind to it. But so much more cool to boast about how valuable and precious your time is.

I agree with this. At school collection I hear an awful lot of background noise, mainly about bringing child to this,that and the other and then tomorrow to here, there and everywhere.

Its bragging rights, otherwise why mention it?

I think people have this perception that if their child is seen to be in as many things as possible then their child will automatically seem more confident/gifted.
Just my thoughts on it all..... my 5 year old son on the other hand has tried numerous clubs but just doesn't like them and cried (screamed) when I went to leave him. So I decided no more, when he wants to go to something he will come to me... I don't care if Tom, dick and Harry are doing XYZ.

And do you know what he thoroughly enjoys his
wee swimming lessons once a week and loves his school and is doing very well, and that's enough for me.

I might also add that I can thing of nothing worse than running to an activity every evening off the week. Children, just like adults need to chill! I know when I used to finish school I just wanted to watch TV, play and eat.

I'll not even venture into the clubs that start at bedtime. 😡

Oh yes the “oh I’m so busy” crowd. Can’t stand it!

I don't know anyone like this in real life, only read about it on mumsnet (having said that I don't know any mum's from my sons' school as I am at work so don't drop off/pick up). When 2 DS were little there were a few complaints about how hectic everything is, however I genuinely can say I didn't find it so (I had twins). But I did have friends to meet for coffee/lunch and don't watch TV.