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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu? MIL creating problems.

4 replies

Esptea · 23/11/2019 23:40

FIL is mid 80s and his health has deteriorated rapidly in the last 12 months. In the last couple of weeks alone he has blacked out twice leading to falls where he needed an ambulance and hospital admission. Both times during or soon after a holiday. There have been numerous other trips, stumbles and bangs. He has a number of serious conditions which are likely to deteriorate further in the near future.

SIL let slip today that they still intend on going away on Monday, despite still being on antibiotics and having been discharged following fall last week only yesterday.

DH is beside himself. He knows he will be expected to go running if there's an issue. Holiday is over five hours drive away and is a coach trip. Previous fall happened on day of return from last hoday so not like they haven't had one. FIL uses zimmer frame and is barely able to get in car let alone bus. MIL claims he'll stay in hotel (on his own while she does trips).

SIL said she'd speak to MIL but has come back saying they're grown ups let them do what they like. MIL suggested to her that I'm creating problems and that it's me upsetting DH. SIL doesn't drive so never called upon in emergency. Also MIL has form for dramatics... Ringing ambulances and wandering off, refusing to pay for taxis when FIL is too sick to walk, garbled panicked voicemails etc. Needless to say DH and I deal with all this. DH finds the strain unbearable at times and I'm worried about the effect on his health.

Aibu to ask they cancel this trip and arrange a more suitable visit (not by coach) when FIL is properly recovered from fall and infection?

OP posts:
noctu · 23/11/2019 23:45

YANBU, although I suspect you’ll get a similar answer to what your SIL had.
You may have to show some tough love and refuse to help out in the inevitable (and avoidable, by the sounds of it) crisis situations.
What does your FIL say about it all?

Singlenotsingle · 23/11/2019 23:49

YANBU but MIL won't take any notice. Does FIL actually want to go? Couldn't he stay at home. He'd need care obviously, but I'm sure you could sort that out.

Esptea · 24/11/2019 00:10

We suggested MIL went alone and DH and SIL looked after FIL. MIL won't hear of it. Claims he loves his holidays.

FIL has through 60 years of experience learnt that MIL is not to be crossed. I'm fairly sure he's miserable on these holidays and usually returns exhausted and bruised.

I'm considering desperate call to coach company tomorrow to beg them to enforce their own unassisted access policy. I'm fairly confident FIL will not manage bus steps alone. However, I'm sure I'll be foiled by data protection police.

OP posts:
Bufferingkisses · 24/11/2019 00:59

Yabu. Your dh needs to speak for himself. You stepping in is causing confusion and allowing mil to obfuscate. Get DJ to stand up for himself.

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