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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Babies and cars

59 replies

blhbkah · 23/11/2019 22:48

Not quite an AIBU but really keen to understand everyone's thoughts....

I mentioned today to a friend how I was dreading a long journey with my very young baby. She responded to say that if I sat in the back I could pick them up and feed/comfort them and loads of people do it.

Do they? I would never have considered it before, but it would help. Although there are obvious safety concerns AIBU to be thinking this is a possibility?

OP posts:
Sleeplesssleepseeker · 24/11/2019 01:37

WTAF?!

There have been many occasions when I have thought how much easier it would make life to get baby out while DH is driving... but I wouldn't do it in a MILLION YEARS. Just no. Your friend is batshit, nobody does this. And if they do it's incredibly reckless an unrestrained baby would be almost guaranteed to die or be seriously injured in a collision.

Sleeplesssleepseeker · 24/11/2019 01:40

The only time it would be OK IMO is if a child was in serious danger anyway (e.g. was choking and needed help ASAP). Otherwise it's just a flat no.

groovergirl · 24/11/2019 03:15

No, no, please, no!
But do sit in the back and play Incy Wincy or read a story if needed. It's likely bubsy will be lulled asleep by the car motion anyway. And you can snooze too, or listen to a podcast.

Oysterbabe · 24/11/2019 05:10

I used to sit in the back with pfb. I didn't take her out of her seat though.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 24/11/2019 05:57

I sit next to my baby in the back if DP is driving but I would NEVER take her out the seat while the car is moving.

Why would you even begin to consider that this might ever be acceptable on any level?

myself2020 · 24/11/2019 06:16

i had to do it once (baby inhaled vomit and it took a couple of minutes before we could safely stop. but that was an emergency situation!

cliffdiver · 24/11/2019 06:50

No.

But I have sat in the middle (wearing a seatbelt) and breastfed whilst one of the DDs was strapped in her car seat.

Pomley · 24/11/2019 06:52

No, a million times over. It's good to sit in the back if you can so they can see you and you can interact with them; but if you need to get them out of their seat then the car needs to safely pull over, or add in a scheduled stop. I can't believe anyone would contemplate this.

Original poster
blhbkah · 24/11/2019 07:42

Ok looks like my first thought was the right one! Thanks for the responses and my moment of madness has passed, I absolutely won't be doing this!

OP posts:
TheTrollFairy · 24/11/2019 07:47

Definitely not and if I knew someone was doing this then I would report to the police. It’s incredibly dangerous and even if you are 100% safe driver you can never guarantee that everyone else on the road are safe drivers

BeanBag7 · 24/11/2019 07:48

Absolutely not.

Is this long journey really necessary? Could it be broken up by stopping somewhere on the way for a few hours or even overnight? If you're visiting relatives, could they come to you or meet you somewhere half way.

I always think long journeys are best avoided with little babies. For safety reasons but also for the parents sanity. Some babies cry the whole time in the car seat and you can see why some parents consider unsafe practises like taking the baby out to comfort them.

Pomley · 24/11/2019 07:56

How old is your baby OP? You should take regular breaks anyway to get them out of their chair, so factor these in to your plans and it should hopefully make the journey more managable.

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/11/2019 08:00

I have seen people doing it but please don’t! Just stop every hour or so.

MabelMoo23 · 24/11/2019 08:39

Your friend is fucking nuts

Besides a child not being properly restrained in an appropriate car seat is against the law

Again your friend is fucking nuts

FrowningFlamingo · 24/11/2019 08:44

Absolutely not. Very unsafe. Not to mention illegal!

bellajay · 24/11/2019 08:47

My friend lives in South America and she mentioned she has done this because ‘it’s different over there’. I was a bit aghast tbh.

Original poster
blhbkah · 24/11/2019 09:00

Baby is three weeks old and the journey is 45 minutes - so not mega long. Usually she is fine in the car, but we had just come off the back of a twenty minute journey where she had screamed the whole way (there and back). So I think we were a bit traumatised by that, hence the fleeting consideration to take her out and comfort her (she's BF and just likes being on the boob generally). But we absolutely won't now - I promise!

OP posts:
ooopsupsideyourhead · 24/11/2019 09:00

I have two friends that have done this, both are from countries where babies are just carried in cars. When it came up in conversation around a table with other mums we all sat in shocked silence. We had a (kind!) conversation about how that’s not ok. They don’t do it anymore. Maybe your friend has a similar cultural background?

singme · 24/11/2019 09:24

My DM has given me her breastfeeding book from the 80s and it suggests this! It also suggests that you must have a husband, that women always do the cooking and that you need to get the phone company in to put the phone closer to you so you can answer it while feeding. So I’m being quite selective which advice I follow and taking baby out of car seat is not something I’ll be doing!

Dishwashersaurous · 24/11/2019 09:26

Always a good idea to sit next to so you can stroke and soothe

Pomley · 24/11/2019 09:30

Hopefully with a feed and careful transfer to the car seat she might sleep for the journey (optimistic I know!). Having you in the back should help :)

DreamFever · 24/11/2019 09:33

I’ve never heard of anyone doing this and would definitely not do this.

Sitting in the back so baby can see you and you can interact with them - while they’re still safely strapped into the car seat - sounds like a good idea though.

MaryShelley1818 · 24/11/2019 09:44

I thought you meant 5-6+ hrs! 45 minutes isn’t a long car journey. Lol.

We’ve sat next to DS in the back of the car twice...both times were to take him to Urgent Care when he was very poorly with a virus.

Your baby will be fine - what would you do when having days/trips out by yourself with baby? I took DS all over on Mat Leave.

Eledamorena · 24/11/2019 10:03

In the UK... no way. In any country when it is only 45 mins and you have access to a car seat... no.

BUT - right now I live in Thailand and we have realised how very different so many aspects of child-rearing are. My first two were born in the UK and I remember having to strap them into a car seat in the hospital ward to 'prove' to the midwives we were transporting them home safely. I'm now expecting a baby here and will be sitting in the back of a taxi holding the baby when we return from hospital Blush

But no, I would never recommend flouting what are very sensible rules about safety in cars. It's quite amazing how differently I can do things here and then revert to old (safe!!) ways the moment I land on British soil...!

MrsBricks · 24/11/2019 10:08

@Eledamorena - why would you sit in a taxi holding the baby? Do you think roads are safer and cars less likely to crash in Thailand?

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