To just say fuck it and resign myself to doing it all

[RollOnNextYear]

I'm a sahm and more than happy to do all the housework shopping etc. I'm here much more.
DH works long days and I'd prefer we spend our evenings having quality time rather than him doing housework...
However I do. Expect him as well as teen ds to at least pick up after themselves and for ds to make his bed and out his ironing away.. Not much to ask.

But lately it seems dh nips at ds that he's left something out.. Ie school shoes or bag and toddler empties it. Or rubbish in room.. He's not meant to eat in there but either sneaks it or it's out of his pockets from sch.. Prob both tbh
Ds then gets all. Huffy and rolls eyes which pisses dh off.
BUT dh doesn't realise he's very similar.. Phone chargers left out and on.. E liquids left out.. Often empty bottles.. Leaves laundry in bedroom floor..
But when I point it out it's.. I was just about to sort that.. Despite it being like it hours.

I've just flipped and said to them both fucck it I won't nag I won't point out.. I may as well just shut my mouth and do it all.. Inc picking litter and laundry up.. Making ds bed.. Letting him eat in room. Because I can't be arsed with the sniping.
Now they're miraculously doing all the bits I've asked them to do for weeks ( ds to sort his desk and dh some odd DIY jobs that I can do but not with dd around my ankles)

I know it's cutting my nose to spite my face but I'm so fucked off with it.

Today I went out with my sis. Took dsd had a lovely girly afternoon. Dh home with teen and toddler.
Came back to their bags from last night's stay at GPs on my. Bed still packed.. Breakfast washing up still in bowl..and on the sides, with crumbs.. Coats shoes etc everywhere as left lying around and toddler likes to clomp. In any shoes she can and leave them scattered.
Washing still in machine.
Dds bed still unmade after washing and drying.
Just a general shit tip. Yet when I left this morning it was tidy.

Like I say generally I'm here I do it all, I actually enjoy it . I like to do it but not be a skivvy to them.. And fed up with being piggy in the middle between them sniping at each other. I'm 31 weeks pregnant too and just fed up

Sorry needed a rant.

• bag still packed.

YANBU and keep telling them. Proud of you for sticking up for yourself. Everyone should live in a loving family where, when you say you've had enough, they listen. Sounds like they have - bravo to you!

Send them out for the day to get to know each other differently?

Tell them it's got to change. And next time your husband says 'I was just going to do it', make sure you've left it for him so you can say 'go on then'

It's shit because you could do it all but you shouldn't have to, they should have some respect and also provide extra help with you being pregnant. I would start dumping the shit they leave out into a bucket and tell them if it's not put away by x date/time it goes in the bin.

They do have days out together. Dh hates the fact that ds is on consoles a lot.. But chose to buy him an upgraded one for Xmas! So I think that's an issue too.

Ye she is on it a lot. But there's nothing else around here to do like clubs etc . He's dyslexic so books etc have no interest. And it's cold winter nights so can hardly. Go and kick a ball About in the dark alone when his mates aren't allowed out

I'd love to do that but then it's replacing it all. I must admit I flipped at ds the other day as he'd put all. His laundry away but literally anywhere he could find space rather than in right places.. Like uniform. Drawer.. Shorts and t shirts.. Jeans and trousers. So it's sorted. He even put bedding in the clothes bit.. So I tipped the lot on his bed and told him to do it properly he wasn't happy but did it. Had he of take 5 min in the first place he wouldn't of had to. Take 20 to sort it.

Oh no op you don't actually bin it it's just a threat and even if you do get that far just bag it and hide it hahaha. Works on my kids anyway... But I'd guess not your DH 😂

See I don't do empty threats.. So I'd have to follow with my threat :/

I've now noted all the things they leave out etc and written it down so next time I'll. Say right

DH you moaned ds left a shower gel.empty Monday yet you did the same. Saturday... I binned it... Etc.

Yet now I seem to be upstairs stewing on it whilst their downstairs together watching some football thing

I totally feel for you op I am in a similar situation.

Twice today I have had to clean the kitchen just for dp to come in and make a meal and leave the oven trays out, knives and butter in the side. He opened a sachet and put the cut off corner in the sink! Why?? It drives me round the bend, it’s
Like I clearly have nothing better to do than follow him round with a bin liner and cloth and take his dirty plates away wash them dry them and put away and then go back and ask him if his highness would like anything else fetching.

I have decided to leave the kids room, I mentioned that (his) the kids are old enough to put their own washing away and take their own bowls downstairs to be cleaned by me (although I have banned bedroom eating for this reason) and it can go as chores for pocket money. Has it been done? Has it buggery. Sounds grim but there’s an old coco pop bowl in the kids room that’s been there for a good few weeks and I know it sounds disgusting but I refuse to move it out of principle. Dp has picked up on it being there but still hasn’t moved it or asked his kids to move it. The washing is piled up on the drawers and I just refuse to put it away. I do enough on a day to day basis with the cleaning and don’t need to literally wipe arses and collect washing from bedroom floors because other people can’t be arsed. His child once shouted me in the living room (I was doing the washing up) to ask me to put something in the bin for him. He was watching tv. I said no but later found a fucking banana skin Thrown behind a box. Enraged was not even the word.

My dp is the same as yours when pointing stuff out, usually it erupts into strong words like ‘I’m a grown man’ yes well put your T-shirt’s in the drawer instead of back in the basket I have just taken them out from!!!

I have no advice but will be eagerly reading this thread for hints and tips to help cure my dp of his lazy slobbery

Woah, I just read your post about your DS put his stuff away, but didn't do it right. If it's his stuff getting put away in his room, surely just let him put it wherever he wants?! Choose your battles OP, this is not one I'd bother with.

If they leave things laying around, put them in their beds under the covers. I've found this is a suitable alternative to throwing them out.

Or just stop doing it all.

Snap although I was working part time. So I got a cleaner... DH now runs about moaning and cleaning up after me now, now he realises the cost of it, he even gets the hoover out the night before she comes which pisses me off no end because a/ we are paying her to do this and b/ he used to sweep the floor occasionally granted but in to a corner of the room and leave it there for the pixies I presume.
Like your husband he always claims he was about to do it even when it has been there for days.
Get a cleaner make them aware this is not free.

Awesome side effect because mine is so good there is now an appreciation that this is a luxury, all the household including teenagers are a lot tidier not perfect but better and I now I am looking for full time work as I know I won't need to spend my weekends running about like a headless chicken screaming at my family.