This is quite complex so bare with me. My mum, whom I love dearly, has and has always had, mental health issues. Myself and my sister brought ourselves up. Our dad died when we were in our late teens/early 20s. Mum was already having an affair with my dads 'best friend'. This is something me and my sister saw on a regular basis, walking in on them kissing, touchy feely moments etc etc. We saw this from being round children. This man moved in with us, was an alcoholic, and took over our bedroom as he worked nights and used our room to sleep in during the day. We thought this wasn't out of the ordinary as we didn't know any different! It's only as we've got older and become mums ourselves we've realised how fucked up it was. Neither my mum or dad stopped this, which I find really upsetting. He also was violent to his ex wife and we witnessed him hitting her. There was also lots of porn about the house which I find quite sickening now i think back.
So our childhood was ruined. My parents didn't have much money, we used our birthday and Christmas monies to buy our own school uniforms etc. But we didn't know any different. Our dad died and we sorted everything out. I never had time to grieve I became the homemaker. Dad died at Christmas and on Christmas Day my mum went out with her partner, who she was now free to be with. I remember having a huge panic attack as I didn't want to be left on my own but she still went out. So that's how life went. I got a good career and left home. My mum continued to live with the partner. Years passed. I had my son then became a single parent thru no fault of my own, my ex had an affair. I never got one bit of support from my mum. On my 40th my sister arranged for us all to go out for a meal, mum never came as she 'always went out with her partner on a Saturday'!
So I struggled really badly as a single mum. I didn't live in the same town as mum, but she has never looked after my son or helped in any way. At one point I was in an IVA and used food banks. However I kept my job, and I'm proud I got thru it. Then I found out mum had sold her house in one of those schemes where you sell your house, pocket the money and rent it back? She got almost £40 but we didn't find this out till years after. The house was squalor. We couldn't take our children there. She never even offered me a tenner to help me.
Anyway, fast forward to now. Her partner died 2 year ago. She has had numerous mental health admissions which me and my sister helped her with. I was driving 100 miles round trip to visit and take her places. We managed to see the extent of the squalor she was living in once her partner died, we managed to get her into sheltered housing and she seemed happier and we felt secure knowing she had a nice little flat, all paid for by the state by the way. The £40k we, or she, can't account for????
So today things have yet again come to a head. She's again started having little mental health outbursts. My sister gets the brunt of it as she lives in the same town. She is becoming a hoarder now. Today she couldn't get out her flat for bags of clothes and stuff. She rang my Sister in a panic. She went round and helped. However we both feel guilt as we can't help losing our temper somewhat with her. She does NOTHING to help herself. She has never even made us a meal or as much as a sandwich in 25 years since I left home. When she visits she demands to be waited on hand and foot, citing she doesn't know where things are, for example, to make a cup of tea.
When her partner died, my sister sorted all his money out as he had no dependants. My mum can't deal with anything like that. So he had about £6k to his name. We shared it amongst us and gave mum the lions share as she was moving into her sheltered housing so needed things like a fridge etc. She never brought a thing from her old house as it was in such a bad state of repair. You couldn't have kept a dog there it was disgusting but we never realised to what extent till she was left on her own. Today my sister snapped at mum, understandable really as she puts a lot on us, we don't get any thanks, just cocky comments snd expectations that we SHOULD do everything for her. She said today she wasn't aware of the money we got from her partner, which I forgot to say HE wanted us to have I forgot to mention that. She said I didn't deserve it and she should've had it all!!!! I've spent the last few hours mulling my life over and thinking back to everything I've mentioned. How we brought ourselves up, how struggled so bad as a single parent with no support, not just financially but emotionally too. Nothing. We help her as much as we can as she's our mum but I still feel I'm the bad person for thinking as I do.
Sorry for rambling.