AIBU?
Help me with my sister?
splishandsplash · 23/11/2019 06:37
I think I know I'm not being unreasonable but just in case I want someone else opinion, but this is a long story so bear with me!
So basically, I told my sister something in confidence about someone (I'll admit the comment was quite bitchy) but then she went and told that person what I said?!
So I got quite angry because she put my relationship with that person at risk. I called her out on it and her response was ' I'm doing the right thing, they deserve to know'
I don't even know how but we ended up not talking for a few weeks because of it but at the time of the argument she was planning my baby shower with my sister in laws also but they text me to say she wasn't responding and they didn't know what to do, so I told them to plan without her if she isn't cooperating. She then about a week later started getting rude to the sisters in law so I called her and said that if she couldn't be polite with them to not talk to them as she doesn't have an issue with them it's clearly with me but she doesn't need to take it out on them. She then got even ruder to them and I ended up calling her saying she is no longer invited to the baby shower and if she continues to act this way she probably won't meet the baby and we hadn't spoken since. That was 6 weeks ago. I decided to reach out to extend the olive branch yesterday, I didn't apologise for what I said as I felt she needed to apologise for her wrong doings too but I did make it clear I was willing to forgive and forget, but she wouldn't let up because she was demanding an apology. I stayed very calm and level headed and said that I was just trying to extend the olive branch to allow her a chance to have a relationship with her nephew when he arrives. But her response was literally 'i don't care if I never meet him, I work with kids all day, I see enough of them and don't come crawling back when you get it all wrong and need my help raising him' I don't know why but that really stung and I haven't been able to respond or even think of anything else since.
Aibu? Should I apologise even though I didn't do anything other than ask her not to be rude to my sister in law and call her out for doing something snakey and telling the person what I said without at least warning me?
Actionhasmagic · 23/11/2019 07:07
Wow that is completely out of line! Not saying it’s right you bitches about your friend but we’ve all said things a bit gossipy before and it was out of line to tell the person to their face. Then it’s just a downward spiral from there. Have you fallen out before?
decbaby19 · 23/11/2019 07:08
I would apologise, it isn't worth falling out.
Could she be jealous about your pregnancy? I only say this as we had a recent "run in" with SIL which was bizarre but everybody told me it was probably jealousy. We, too, weren't "in the wrong" but did apologise as don't want the birth of our baby overshadowed by her tantrums.
Also I can see how saying she won't see her nephew might have hurt her? So you could genuinely apologise for saying that, I'm sure you don't really mean it
splishandsplash · 23/11/2019 09:09
The relationship with the person I was being a bit bitchy about is fine, I've since apologised for my comments and she said it's fine we have all been there and said something about someone behind their back and we are getting on fine and still talk and see each other.
I know me saying she wouldn't see her nephew was wrong but when I tried to explain to her yesterday that I need her to accept she did something wrong before I can apologise (because I always end up apologising and she gets away with shitty behaviour) she literally lost it and said she has done nothing wrong and when I said this is her chance to have her relationship with her nephew and then she said she doesn't care if she has one or not that really hurt me.
This isn't the first time we have fallen out and I have considered it may be jealousy as this is the same sister that lost it at me for asking my sister in law to be my bridesmaid (officially - they all knew anyway) 24 hours before her. This was purely because I saw my sister in law first and then saw my sister the next day. 😬
decbaby19 · 23/11/2019 09:30
I completely agree with you honestly, but for me in that similar situation the stress of the fall out didn't seem worth it (SIL also never apologises - ever! If she's ever done anything wrong she's upset with the person for being upset with her 😂). Some people are just precious and like that, you're the bigger person and when your little boy arrives you won't even be bothered.
Agree it's frustrating having to apologise to these princesses! But they'll never change... I'd either just apologise for what you said or leave her to it, it's completely her loss if she carries on! xx
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.