To wish my family would stop treating me like I'm a child

[stephenkingfan]

By family I mean I am close to my parents absolutely nothing to do with them but just my other family in general! I am a 30 year old woman with a husband and child but my brothers still keep "baby-ing" me and keep referring to me as their baby sister. When I announced that I was expecting, my brother went to my other family and started saying he couldn't believe I am pregnant and that I am too young to be tied down with a child.. I was in my late 20s for fucks sake. Then he slagged off my husband to the rest of the family by saying that he is taking advantage of me because I am young and vulnerable and innocent and that he shouldn't be taking me away from my home town and that he is very worried about to me movingI told him on the phone the other day ! I don't usually ring but i had to because I started to rage and said that enough is enough, I'm not a fucking child, I'm not your baby sister, I am a fucking adult and I know what my responsibilities are just like you lot do! I told them I am moving away from this town completely , which I am! With my husband and my child because I'm sick to death of them interfering and treating me like I am a fucking idiot. Sorry this is over the top but was I out of order? I always feel guilty after letting it all out but I've put up with it for years and I can't tolerate it anymore !

Your brother sounds pretty annoying. I’m not surprised you let rip.
It’s weird when people can’t get their heads around the fact that someone who is younger than them as actually grown up and a responsible adult. It’s happened to a friend of mine - she is in her late 40s and her older relatives still talk to her like she’s a child. Really annoying. I don’t really have any advice. Just get on with your life and ignore your brother. X

I don't blame you. This happens to me with my dad. He also does it to my husband. We are approaching 40!! Anything I say he always responds with "you young ones don't have the life experience to make those decisions". He also wants to be involved in things that we buy, such as a new car /house etc. It's very smothering and I hate it.

I was always referred to as, "the child" I finally stopped that finally when I turned 60 last year!

My family is the same. Big hand wringing and massive worrying if I dare to drive past 8pm, I've been passed 5+ years!
I've finally had enough and have started for jobs at least two cities away just so I can have some kind of life

It's frustrating isn't it OP. I have 2 elder siblings who are also very controlling and have no respect for my boundaries. What makes it worse is although they're older than me, it sometimes feels like I'm the older more responsible one as they love a bit of drama and will try to pick fights if they're bored. As if they're stuck in the minds of teenagers and I'm the only one who did any growing up. In spite of this, they still maintain they "know best" because they're "older and wiser".

I think you're making an excellent decision in moving away from your toxic family members OP. Some families are best admired from afar. Very far.

I think calling someone their 'baby sister' is fine when it's not accompanied by the condescending attitude and treatment. And sometimes when people are pushed they snap. The move will be good for you OP, and hopefully establish boundaries.

I think it was probably very good for your brother too, that you spoke up, so he can stop being such a condescending idiot.

Thanks for all your messages so far I'm glad to see I am not in the wrong here! Well it seems like the rest of my family are now messaging me, saying that am I certain I want to move because I am very vulnerable and innocent and they are worried about me and who is going to take care of me. I've told them again I can look after myself but thank you for your concerns! they probably think I'm being a nasty cow but my bubble is going to burst. I love my family I really do but I don't want to be around that shit. I have had enough of people treating me like i have no mental capacity to make my own fucking decisions

I agree with you op. I'm often seen as the "baby" and it can be infuriating when you don't get treated like an adult. You made the right decision and hopefully it helps them realise

Ugh, why can't some people understand that people grow up? When you're both established adults, do they really think that they should have some control or a big say in your adult life, just because they happened to be born a few years earlier? They sound quite 'simple' to me.

Is it just me or is anybody else thinking of 'Young Mr Grace' now? Presumably so-called throughout his whole life because his father (obviously) preceded him

Have you asked them WHY they are so insistent that you are 'very vulnerable', to try and get them to examine their behaviour?

That would make me pretty furious, YANBU!

I think they are simple especially the way they keep banging on! And I did ask them why you think I'm vulnerable for and they said because you're the youngest and he is taking you away Hahahaha wouldn't surprise me if they report my husband for kidnapping their "baby" sister

Make a generic responce and send it to whoever starts to text you with advice/ negativity

'While you may mean well, I am a grown woman who has made an informed choice about my life. I will not be discussing it further with you.'

Shutdown every conversation they try to have about it. You have told them your decision, you do not owe then anymore explanation/ discussions/ negotiations.
Do what is right for you.

Next time tell them he isn't taking you away they are driving you away.

My mother is like this. My cousin was telling her that she had had some difficulties with the solicitor, in sorting out her late parents’ estate. My mother said “Well of course they’re going to take advantage when a young and inexperienced girl like you comes along.” My cousin was 55 and a very senior nurse, not some 28 year old who has just left school.

Do they like your husband? How is your husband with you? Maybe they are seeing something you don't and this is all coming from a place of love?