To return the gift? Re-gift it?

[Nooz]

Hi Mumsnet, on the back of posts and replies here about ditched phone calls and a necklace, I finished my LDR yesterday morning. It was very very sad, kind, inevitable (I see now) given the circumstances.

Thank you for your help in getting this far x

So, we agreed to speak again on New Year's Eve morning, as friends, we are having space now until then to process our ending.

It was a huge kick up the backside on here about the necklace that helped me see i had to stop this LDR so he could be there for his bereaved dd without an 'us' to look after too.

Today an amazon prime packet has arrived. He must have sent it after our 'end it' call (we spoke at 10am)

It's the same necklace he'd bigged up to me (had hand made, engraved to his order etc) before and gave to his dd when she'd asked for it.

One of the biggest problems has been his future faking and big stories. I never know what the truth is, he's a performer and a very good one, funny.

And now I'm worn out with this push pull, I felt some relief at the ending of us.

Now, at the end of a long day don't wish to open this gift -it never was the thing he made it out to be- an easy Amazon Prime thing. I deffo don't imagine wearing it. I'm actually angry.

Am I being a cow?

AIBu to even think like this?

Sell it and then get yourself a treat.

I'd donate it to charity. Fuck him.

You are not being a cow, he's a man child, and it's perfectly understandable that you're angry. He deliberately mislead you.

Sell or bin or give away the item.

YANBU. I'm so glad you ended it. Lots of posters did say that bigging up the necklace was suspicious, and now you know it was never what he made it out to be.

I would return it to him, no note, no explanations.

Return it to him, no note, and change your phone number so that planned phone call on New Year's Eve doesn't happen.

I don't know the backstory, but donate/sell/regift/whatever the necklace and don't speak to him on New Year's Eve.

Sod the New Year’s Eve phone call. He just wants to keep you dangling on a thread of sentimentality in case he gets lonely again next year.

Also can we see a picture of the necklace or a link to the amazon page. You know. For science!

The reality of how the gift arrives is proof hes a faker and liar

Donate it.

Btw it’s good that you’re angry. It will carry you through while you process all his bullshit. Cut all ties and take care of yourself.

Oh FGS. All that build up and he's ordered a necklace on Amazon Prime. What an idiot.

I wouldn't be talking to him on NYD. Why would you want that hanging over you?

Flamboyant stories & over embroidery of normal stuff is typical of a certain type of man OP. I knew the necklace wouldnt be as he'd 'sold' it to you. Genuine people don't oversell themselves or what they do or offer, they just get on & do it. Consider it a lucky escape.

Yes, he's got you dangling on the end of that necklace. I'd just chuck it into a drawer and forget about it if you can't bring yourself to send it to the charity shop.

Mark it as return to sender and put it back in the post. Or if you want to be sure it gets back, address it to his daughter and post it tracked.

Then block all contact and have a great Christmas and New Year without fantasy man.

I can see why other PP's have recommended selling this necklace, but you might consider keeping it - as a warning reminder to look at if (when) you feel yourself weakening.
What timing for the planned phone call; a week to endure the "lonely at Christmas" scenario, so that you'll be softened up for a big New Year's reconciliation.
Bring out tacky necklace. Observe once more how it fails to match flowery promises. Allow the wave of irritation to seep over you and strengthen your resolve. Put necklace away. Repeat as necessary.

Mistake with the NY thing: silly idea.

No contact would be best.

Would give the gift to charity shop.

Ok, now I'm feeling wiser! Thank goodness for your thoughts so far. XX thank you

There is so much of this sort of thing already swallowed. That's why I'm thinking of making a point...am also listening to the fact it won't be an end if I keep playing.

Lol! Yes I'll keep it as a candid reminder @twoshedsjackson and open the sock drawer when I get wistful

And it cost £26

Nothing compared to his daily spend, totally insignificant to what he spends on dd (I know im not comparing but it is comparable) and I assume bigged up thinking I'm so infatuated I'd love anything.

Weird he sent it after I ended it. Wow.

Thank you for helping me feel more real mumsnet x

£26 and sent it after the big dramatic final call

It's official- you were dating my ex!

x

Definitely don't keep it - send it back to Amazon. Don't let the cheapskate think you have accepted it or that there's any possibility that you like it or will wear it. And block him on everything so the smug bastard gets a nice New Years wake up call when he tries to contact you.

Honestly I can't believe he's sent you a £26 necklace after all that build up. I'm offended and pissed off on your behalf!! Did it have the three charms thing as he described?

I would send it to him with a note... Oops, you have sent one of DDs stocking fillers to me by mistake. I wouldn’t bother with the phone call either.

we agreed to speak again on New Year's Eve morning, as friends

Really, don't bother. It's a backstop to keep you in the game. I appreciate its all fresh and raw now so you may feel you 'need' this but - a bit of time and perspective - you don't.

And you're really not friends.