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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don’t think I love him anymore

10 replies

Sooki6 · 22/11/2019 17:27

I have found myself in an awful situation. I don’t think I love my long term partner and father to our two children anymore and it’s killing me inside. I have felt unsure of this for a while and it’s making me feel sick. We have been through a lot together and if I’m honest, he’s caused me a lot of upset in the past. He gets very stressed out at times and so I’ve felt like I’ve travelled on an emotional rollercoaster with him for years and now I think that my brain has literally stepped off it and is refusing to want to get back on. I have lost respect for him and in turn, the love. The thing is, our relationship works-managing the children mainly between ourselves as we scramble through the week together. Our lives are very busy. He cooks and walks the dog and I clean mainly and it just works. The idea of sleeping with him is just not something I want to do. We very rarely have sex and when we do I usually make sure I’ve had a drink. I don’t think the grass is greener. I can imagine it’s probably the same or possibly worse. I wouldn’t be interested in a relationship or anything else with another man but I feel sick and quite often fantasise over living alone with the kids.
The kids are really close to their dad, especially my son so I’m certain that anything like that would screw him up. I’m not saying that kids from broken relationships are screwed up but I do think it will destroy my kids. I’ve been for counselling alone and a long time ago I asked him to book some sessions for us both but he never did and I’m passed it now.
Help. I feel horrible.

OP posts:
cheriseb · 22/11/2019 18:27

Dont feel terrible. You are entitled to those feelings and if it's not working for you then the first step would be to tell him how you feel

Brimful · 22/11/2019 18:31

I've heard that love is a decision, not a feeling, when you reach a certain point in a relationship. How long have you been together?

I know I've felt similarly to you in the past, but I wouldn't be without DH. Relationships are up and down. But that's not to say your relationship hasn't run its course, can you get some counselling to talk through your feelings?

Flowers for you, you're clearly struggling and you deserve to be happy.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 22/11/2019 18:31

I totally understand your feelings. Do you think you could suggest the idea of couples counselling again? Even if you just tell yourself it's to exhaust all avenues? That way if it really doesn't work out, at least you know you tried everything and gave your DP a chance to work on things.

Summercamping · 22/11/2019 18:32

That's a horrible position to be in. Perhaps book couples counseling to make it easier to break it to him and perhaps separate more amenably.

The harm to the kids results from a relationship breaking down very acrimoniously, it will be better for them if you can manage it without getting very nasty.

Sooki6 · 22/11/2019 18:48

Thank you everyone. It’s awful and I can honestly say that I’ve never felt so stressed. If I didn’t have my feelings and I saw life from the outside, I’d say it was pretty good. Is that good enough? I grew up without my dad and my childhood was pretty chaotic and so I’m grateful for the stability my children have. That’s not to say that I’m not ok, because I am- I’ve coped very well with it well considering but I’d like to try to keep my family together for our children. I realise that’s not ideal and even my daughter has commented that we don’t love each other and she’s only 7.

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Woeisme99 · 22/11/2019 18:49

Oh love, no advice but I'm in the same boat so can offer a bit of solidarity Flowers.

I just can't let go of past hurts and don't really care if DP is happy, providing that me and the dc are, that's how I know I just don't love him anymore.

But as you say life is busy, it would be a huge slog to do alone, or even worse end up with 50 / 50 custody and miss the children terribly.

Sooki6 · 22/11/2019 18:49

Sorry for the rubbish sentence!

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HollowTalk · 22/11/2019 18:50

I think if your daughter has made that comment, then it's time to separate. What's your financial situation? Do you work? Can you afford to separate?

Sooki6 · 22/11/2019 18:50

@woeisme99 sending you flowers too 💐 x

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Sooki6 · 22/11/2019 18:52

I work and we can afford to separate. Financially I’d be fine x

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