I have found myself in an awful situation. I don’t think I love my long term partner and father to our two children anymore and it’s killing me inside. I have felt unsure of this for a while and it’s making me feel sick. We have been through a lot together and if I’m honest, he’s caused me a lot of upset in the past. He gets very stressed out at times and so I’ve felt like I’ve travelled on an emotional rollercoaster with him for years and now I think that my brain has literally stepped off it and is refusing to want to get back on. I have lost respect for him and in turn, the love. The thing is, our relationship works-managing the children mainly between ourselves as we scramble through the week together. Our lives are very busy. He cooks and walks the dog and I clean mainly and it just works. The idea of sleeping with him is just not something I want to do. We very rarely have sex and when we do I usually make sure I’ve had a drink. I don’t think the grass is greener. I can imagine it’s probably the same or possibly worse. I wouldn’t be interested in a relationship or anything else with another man but I feel sick and quite often fantasise over living alone with the kids.
The kids are really close to their dad, especially my son so I’m certain that anything like that would screw him up. I’m not saying that kids from broken relationships are screwed up but I do think it will destroy my kids. I’ve been for counselling alone and a long time ago I asked him to book some sessions for us both but he never did and I’m passed it now.
Help. I feel horrible.