To feel so worthless

[Barmical]

I am 33. Two years ago I ended a 12 year relationship to a man who was my best friend but our sex life was non-existent.

Since then I've had a couple of relationships. The last one of a year ended last week because he didn't see a future. I feel absolutely devastated.

I feel I have missed my opportunity to have a meaningful relationship and family. I am also questioning all other areas of my life. While my job is ok paid and sort of enjoyable, the progression is not clear and it feels like I've wasted the potential I had.

I am having trouble eating and sleeping and I feel like I haven't achieved anything and probably won't. I feel like I have sleep walked through life and have missed the boat on so many things. I don't really know why I'm posting, I feel like I already know am not being unreasonable to feel like this because it's all true.

I can understand you feeling like this, which isn’t saying I do think you are worthless! I think that feeling of wasted potential is common - we think we can do everything when we are young but then have that reality biting feeling.

No wonder you’re still reeling after that breakup.

You will definitely have a relationship and family - promise

I'm sorry you are feeling like this, but to be honest the only way out of it is to get a grip and start making decisions. I was in a similar place to you and I requalified (a three year degree), moved house and stopped sleepwalking. You are not too old (and never will be) to take charge of your life and you are definitely not too old to meet someone and have kids, but you can't sit around waiting for it to happen.

Didn't mean that to sound harsh if it did - I do genuinely have sympathy for how you are feeling but you are the only person who can change this

I started the career I have and love at 37. Don’t feel it is too late. Spend some time and real effort working out what you want to do now. Evaluate what you want and how to get there. Seek support if needed from an independent careers person, life coach or just friends and family. You’re so young! Don’t be looking back in 20 years time feeling the same thing.

Don’t volunteer for the Samaritans, will you, limited

Tbh, the people banging on about career changes might mean well but are a bit misguided. Taking extensive time out to retrain is a luxury. Single women can’t generally afford to do this.

Thank you all for responding. Don't worry about being harsh. I am considering a career change and have been frantically looking at graduate schemes. Typically it is the time of year when they have all closed and I feel like I'm doing it in a panic anyway. I was considering accounting as it is an actually qualification, it has a wider geographical potential than my current work and a good earning potential. But I don't know too much about it. I feel like I just need to do something quickly.

I will actively pursue a relationship, I met my recent ex on a dating app. But obviously not yet. I feel like he was the best thing that has happened or ever will happen to me and I can't believe I have lost him.

That’s sensible - the relationship thing can go on the back burner for a bit until you’re feeling ready to face the mad world of dating. I’d suggest you also spend a little time going over what to do already give to the universe- I bet it is much more than you are giving yourself credit for.

Thank you FredaFrogspawn I just feel so lost and desperate to feel better. I have friends and family, but it just feels like so little to have achieved at this age. I have never felt this low even after my 12 year relationship broke down. I feel like if I was going to have children it would be acceptable to stay in a comfortable, well paid job even if I don't love it. But if that might not happen for me then I need to aim higher in other parts of my life. But I have no passion to give me a clear path to what I want to do.