To want to talk to their parents?
Platypusmama · 21/11/2019 21:53
Not sure what the stance is on this, and I’m unsure if it’s my own issues creeping up that’s making me feel this way.
My 9 year old nephew is being bullied at school by a group of boys who were once his friends. They apparently ignore him majority of the time but have been teasing him and making fun of him also. My mum said that he said hi to one of them when she dropped him off a few days ago and he looked at my nephew like he was a piece of dirt. God that broke my heart.
School have said my nephew gravitates towards this group of boys in the playground even though they are horrible to him. When I was younger I did the same thing as I thought maybe if I tried to be nice they might stop being horrible to me, fuck it really hurts my heart to imagine him feeling the same way as me.
My sister (his mum) isn’t all that involved in his life, my mum does most of his care and she isn’t sure how to handle it. What id love to do is corner the horrible little shits and tell them to stop like the mum in that video but obviously I can’t because I’m a grown woman and would get arrested But would having a quiet word with their parents bu? The school have said they would handle it but if they don’t.. what do I do? How do we handle this?
He refuses to talk about this with anyone, how do we help him open up and see that it’s ok? Most importantly how do we get him to drop saying hello, trying to play with them etc?
He has no friends now, apparently the teacher said she’s had to ask two boys to play with him.
9 is old enough to know that what you’re doing has consequences. He is such a lovely and gentle boy, though has recently been diagnosed with adhd and they’re investigating autism also. He’s very sensitive, but really sweet natured.
Please tell your kids to be kind.
Maverick66 · 21/11/2019 22:42
I feel your pain. I don't know what to advise you other than please try and get it sorted sooner rather than later.
My daughter was in the same situation,unfortunately, it continued through secondary school.
She is late 20's now . Beautiful, fun and an amazing daughter and sister. However, because of her experience at school she has no friends, no one to go out with socially and no prospect of meeting someone to have a meaningful relationship with.
So please do whatever you can to help your nephew, talk to teachers, talk to other children's parents, whoever will listen to you. Enrol him in everything you think he may be interested in to encourage him to meet like minded children.
Very best of luck.
HeatedDryer · 21/11/2019 22:46
The school needs to be proactive with this. Encourage your mum - if she does the majority of the care - to go into school for a face to face meeting. She needs to find out what their behaviour and anti bullying policy is and ask them what they are doing to stop this. I wouldn't advise talking to the parents as it rarely makes things better. Your poor nephew
Waveysnail · 21/11/2019 22:55
I'd expect the school to stamp down hard. Id also be doing some role play with him at home and building his self worth. Def look at out of school activities - my sons (adhd too) have really benefitted from Cubs. Adhd can have real problems with social groups - not picking up on social cues, seeing body language, overstepping boundries. So may be worth looking to see if there are ADHD support groups for him. Get some books. Talk about his feelings. I had to teach my sons social communication as didnt come naturally at all.
Platypusmama · 22/11/2019 08:36
Thank you all for your lovely advice
@Maverick66 I’m very similar to your daughter, though I have a lovely OH and a 1 year old dd, at 26 I have no real close friendships as I’m extremely wary of them. I’m really introverted and struggle to meet people. It’s been harder to cope after having dd because my OH is away with work most of the time so I’m on my own a lot. Sorry for the monologue, it just struck a cord with me. I bet your dd is absolutely wonderful.
@HeatedDryer thank you, that’s great advice. The next meeting isn’t until after Christmas which imo is too far away. I feel like if it’s not sorted before the holidays he will spend the whole time worrying about going back.
@Waveysnail love the idea of role playing and adhd groups! Had no idea they existed! He also loves to read so I’ll look for some books today.
Thank you all, have a wonderful day!
Ohyesiam · 22/11/2019 08:46
That is so heart breaking.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to tackle the parents. Very few parents take criticism of their children well, and they could easily turn it against you- I’ve seen this happen.
Go through the school, you and your mum just need to keep on and on to them till the mean boys receive enough sanctions for their behaviour that they know they can’t get away with it. They can’t be made to be friendly to your nephew, but they can be made to be civil.
With regards to getting him to n open up, have a look at Hand in Hand Parenting. It’s a really radical approach to communicating that has totally changed the dynamics of my family for the better. I did a course ( about £50) but there are probably resources on the net if you can’t afford it. Also worth contacting a course facilitator as I bet they wouldn’t turn you away if you explained your circumstances.
I’m so glad you are looking out for your nephew, no kid should have to go through this.
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