to give this cat back?

[ScatteredMama82]

We've adopted a cat from a lady who is moving and can't take the cat with her. She's 4 years old, and is an indoor cat (due to the lady living on a main road). She's never met kids before. She came on Monday, and has adjusted really well already with one exception. She's petrified of my DS2 (he's 5). She's never seen a small human before. She's really friendly with me and DS1 already (he's 10). Whenever DS2 even walks near her she hisses and growls. We're trying gentle introduction, having DS2 just sit quietly in the same room etc but he's now scared of her. I sat with him tonight and she came to us, I put my hand out and she scratched me (she lets me pick her up and scratch her tummy happily when DS2 isn't there). I'm not sure what to do. I know it's only been a few days, but DS2 is scared of her and I don't think that's fair :( Trouble is DS1 is totally in love with her, so either way one of them is going to lose out (not to mention the poor cat!)

Yes you are being unreasonable. It’s been barely any time at all, you haven’t given her a chance to adjust at all! Also you don’t think it’s fair for your son to be scared, realistically it’s a cat and you need to teach your son not to be afraid, you’re reinforcing his fear if you dump the cat now...not to mention the upheaval for the poor animal.

I would give it more time. The cat will get used to your younger child sooner or later

It’s still so new. You need to give it a few weeks.

Definitely give it more time. Please don’t give up on the poor little thing.

When we have adopted cats I’ve found it can take up to three months for the cat to settle down with new owners. Our current cat threw up every day for the first month due to stress of the new setup.

Thanks for the responses, I don't want to give up on her. I've had some advice from a cat rescue lady and have ordered a Feliway plug-in to help her calm down a bit, and we'll keep going with the calm and quiet approach.

@Parker231 that's reassuring, to think that she will come around in the end.

It took my beloved handreared Best Cat three days to come out from the back of the wardrobe when I brought DD2 home from hospital. All the baby did was twitch when Best Cat was tentatively sniffing her in her car seat.

Within a week, she had appointed herself Four Legged Baby Mum, a role she relished every day of her life - she supervised bedtimes and bathtimes and stayed in her room until DD went to sleep, at which point she'd come out with an air of 'My work is done here, now let's have some peace and quiet on the settee'.

That cat had grown up with DD1. It was her home, I'd handreared her, she knew nothing else other than our home. But she was still terrified of a small human.

Give this poor cat some time - it's lost its family, it's lost its home, it's acquired a strange place, strange people and, on top of the rather nice ones who are more predictable, there's a smaller, noisier, probably more wriggly and unpredictable human there.

Thanks @MitziK, that makes sense

We had a 2 year old rescue cat. It took a good 6 months for him to warm to us. Hang in there, it will be worth it.

Have a look at the work Jackson Galaxy does, there is a show called my cat from hell"

I think I have seen episodes where has a child play with the cat with a fishing pole type toy. Supervised of course. Has your DC been helping to feed the cat?

Thanks @Beautiful3, all these stories are reassuring.

@Dashel I will look up Jackson Galaxy, that could be useful. DCs have been giving her Dreamies but she won't take them from our hands. Perhaps I should let DS2 be the one to top up her food bowl, and make sure she sees him do it.

The cats that take a long time to settle usually turn out to be the sweetest ones. Give her time and space and let her get used to you. New people, new home - it's a lot of change.

It takes time for an animal to settle into their new home - everything is new: the people, surroundings, smells, etc so the cat is likely to be feeling uncertain and stressed to some degree and may act out of character.

Have a look on Battersea’s website for the fact sheets on helping a cat to settle, how to handle, teach children how to behave around them etc. Most importantly let the cat come to you at this stage, and don’t force it to have contact with you or the children.

Buy some Pet Remedy to help the cat de-stress and relax etc.

Give it time - we got our rescue cat in March and she took a few months to settle.

Make sure she has places to hide in all rooms, behind the couch (pull it forward a few inches if needs be), a cardboard box if nowhere in the kitchen, under the bed or another box in the bedroom etc so she can hide. Small people are noisy and unpredictable. No wonder she’s not impressed, poor thing! Don’t force her to meet the kids. Keep away if she’s not into them. She will come round in due course.

Give her more time it's a big adjustment and she just needs space and minimal fuss until she comes round. Please dont give up on her.

My beloved cat Pooh bear came to us when his owner passed. He hid for days on end only coming out in the dead of night to feed. He turned out to be the best cat ever so loving to us but so very terrified of all visitors big and small. He passed shortly after we got him, he had a big tumour in his tummy. I'm so glad we didnt give up on him and still often look at the 4 inch long scar on my stomach and smile. He freaked out one day as I was trying to get him to his safe spot as there was a gas engineer coming upstairs poor thing was petrified. Cats are sensitive souls.

Cats like the food person best in my experience, so the suggestion to let DS2 put the food in her bowl is a good one.

I was going to suggest letting your DS feed the cat. Get some nice meat and some treats and the cat will soon come around.
My cat won’t let anyone else touch him but he climbs on me for a cuddle every morning. (Perhaps because I give him the best bits of meat)

Please look up Jackson Galaxy. We have the most scaredy cat ever. She's afraid of her own shadow. Spent considerable time hissing and scratching when she felt threatened and still does when you do a sudden movement.
Jackson Galaxy helped us recognise that what we thought was aggression was in fact fear. We adjusted our behaviour significantly, gave her space, learned to read her language and she's a happy cat (well, as happy as a random and always wary cat can be) now.

We moved house (about ten min drive) with our cats and one of them was terrified for days (we kept all his boxes and blankets etc) and hid under our duvet (mid july). Moving is stressful for cats anyway without the additional people to get used to so def give more time to settle :) it'll take time but probably she'll be ok

Good luck x

Another vote for Jackson Galaxy here. We have several adopted rescues, and we love his programmes and websites for the help they offer. You need to learn to 'speak cat' - learn what bodily reactions mean in your cat, and respond accordingly.

Hang on in there - the rewards will be amazing if you give this little cat a chance.

Keep the child and the cat separate for now then only introduce them gradually