Little bit of a long post...
Me and my bf have been together 4 years now. Since the start of our relationship his step mam has never liked me and made it clear. As a result of that, ive naturally not been close to his side of the family because step MIL caused issues, and made me feel unwelcome. Which was a shame as i seem to like my boyfriends dad who seems to be kinder to me, but is clearly controlled by her. A prime example (one of MANY): before me and my bf lived together, we’d often spend time at each other’s parents homes. One time i was meeting my bf after work at his home for tea, he was running late so i got there a little earlier than him, his step mam opened the door, asked ‘can i help?’ (As if she didnt know who i was. we’d been together 7 months) when i explained i was meeting my bf she said ‘well he’s not in yet, you’ll have to wait’ and genuinely made me wait outside in my car. She wouldnt allow me in the house without him. My bf was mortified when he found out, safe to say i never made the effort again and as a result we spent much more time with my family who are SO much more welcoming and wouldnt have dreamt of treating my boyfriend like that. The outcome is we have a FANTASTIC relationship with my family because of this, and have spent most time with my side ever since. MIL has denied any sort of behaviour towards me (as shes clever and only does it when my bf and his dad arent about) so the family think i just dont bother with them for no reason. Even though my bf has tried telling his dad about his step mams behaviour, but his dad avoids the confrontation for less hassle. And thinks its ‘nothing, just silly’ which js insulting. But hey ho. No skin of my nose, i have my family and thats all i need.
Fast forward 4 years, we now have a house together, and a baby on the way (im nearly 16 weeks). Its NOW that his step mam and family have decided they want to be ‘involved’ and are pining to see more of me. Which is painful, i cant bare their company. Its almost as though they now ‘approve’ of me because we have a baby/house. This has pissed me off and ive made it clear to my boyfriend that im willing to be civil for the sake of him and the baby, BUT i wont be having a relationship with them, and i dont want them at the hospital when baby is born. Id prefer they wait until we are home and settled, as its a private moment and i dont want to share that with people i have no relationship with. I said id like my own mam and dad there (because theyve done everything they can to always support us and make my bf feel part of the family and he has a really good relationship with them) but not his. The in laws have spat their dummy out at this decision. And ive said tough. The way i see it, They had their chance 4 years ago, and as far as im concerned they burnt their bridges. My boyfriend can see my point, and feels embarrassed at how they’ve treat me in the past. He’s tried challenging his step mum about it in the past who cant see wrong with her behaviour and denies it. However he’s suggesting im being ‘rediculous’ to not drop it and just give in to them. I dont think i am, his family are generally quite rude, narrow minded, judgemental and never agree with anything i have to say if we are in each others company. Ive sat at family meals before where all they do is belittle me, ask for my opinion on something then laugh at me. Hence why i stopped wasting my time with them a couple years ago. And then they have the nerve to make sarcy comments that i ‘never come to any family events anymore’, because they make me miserable and hush me if i have anything to say. Luckily for me, im pretty strong willed and can stand up for myself, so it doesnt bother me and im more than happy to tell them as and when they will be involved with me/baby. For me, its too little too late.
I wont stop them from seeing baby of course, but it will be on my terms when they do, which i thinks fair. I just think there will never be a relationship with them like my bf has with my family, and my boyfriend has suggested its me who trys harder since now they’ve decided to want my attention. I tried 4 years ago, and i got treat like shit and just bit my tongue to keep the peace for his sake. But now we have a baby on the way, i most certainly will not be forced or guilt tripped or manipulated in to having a ‘relationship’ with them if i dont want to. So my decisions have been made, we’ll be civil but thats about it. AIBU?