Wedding invitation

[KMaid]

Partner and I have been together for many years and have, for all sorts of good reasons, decided to get married next year. Going to be a pagan ceremony, at a beautiful venue, conducted by my oldest and best friend- we're so much looking forward to it. Started telling people in advance- not formal invitations, not yet- just giving people the chance to put it in their diaries. But!- one couple we know have a simply awful child of 7/8. She has no idea how to behave in company, can't keep still- or quiet!- for more than a minute or two at a time, asks loud and inappropriate questions...over and over again, at increasing volume. Her parent think her behaviour is adorable, and assumes everyone else should put up with it. We're hoping the ceremony will be quiet, dignified and will reflect our religious beliefs. If the parents would like to attend the afternoon meal and evening do, that would be fine, but if she ruins the wedding ceremony I'll go ballistic. (Frankly I'd rather she wasn't there at all! But...they've been friends for a long time...) There's good reasons why we've waited so many years to tie the knot, not least that I've been married before and both weddings were cringe-makingly awful, just dreadful. I just can't face having this nasty little brat ruin our day. AIBU?

So don't invite her. Problem solved

Would a child free wedding be feasible?

Agree invite the parents but not the bratty dc

Don't invite her
Adults only
She can come later

Would you be upset if your friends didn't come to the wedding/afternoon meal? I'm just thinking if they think her behaviour is adorable they probably see no problem with it and might feel offended at you asking them not to bring her..

Right.... So your question is?

The woman is a good friend? So talk to her about it

dont invite her

Do not invite her. Why would you invite friends kids anyway? Nieces nephews maybe, but once you start inviting friends kids where does it end? It's not uncommon to just ask the adults so do that and don't worry about it. If they ask if she can come tell them you had to draw the line at inviting lots of kids, so no, she can't.

Jesus. "Nasty little brat" is a horrible thing to say about a probably pretty normal child (or any child really).

Anyway. Make it adults only if that is what you want. Plenty of weddings exclude children.

🤷‍♀️ don't invite them or say no kids

Don't invite her. The parents may not come, you will have to live with that. Don't make it a child free wedding just to exclude one child. If they ask you why - tell them you don't want the ceremony disrupted by a noisy child.

I would either go child free or only relatives children

In Indian weddings the printed card often has the space for the name of the invitee then a printed ‘and family’ next to it which can be crossed out when you don’t want the family to attend. Alternatively just give them an evening invite.

Is it a child free wedding or just one free of the ‘nasty little brat’? If a child free wedding generally then that of course is all fine. Your choice.

If you just want to exclude this one child; then no matter what your reasons or how compelling they may be to you, you will, almost certainly, bring the friendship to an end. Almost no parent could/would come back from their child being specifically excluded.

So you have a choice:

1. Make your wedding child free

1. Invite the ‘brat’ and her parents and tune her out.

1. Invite the parents but do not invite the ‘brat’ and accept that your friendship will almost certainly end.

1. Don’t invite the family at all.

Actually 4 is probably preferable to option 3 unless you are going child free generally. I’d be more hurt to have my 8 year old child (I have one) specifically excluded from an event that other children were invited to than I would be if we as a family just didn’t make the cut.

You are absolutely entitled to have the day of your choice. But it might come at a cost. Your call. Nothing inherently wrong in having preferences. I will say though that the way you have described a quite small child is not terribly kind. No need to invite her if you wish not. But perhaps no need to be quite so nasty with the name calling.

Don't invite her, your wedding, your rules

So have a child free wedding.

I do wonder - genuinely - I’m not intending to be difficult - what the people who post ‘don’t invite her’ or ‘your wedding your rules’ think they are adding to the debate. It’s pretty obvious that no-one is compelled to extend an invitation to a potential wedding guest. Surely in these circumstances what the OP is seeking is some help to unpick or analyse the costs/benefits of any course of action.

I’m genuinely interested as to what motivates people who just post “don’t do it then”.

Could you employ a Children's Entertainer to keep the children occupied in a separate room, away from the ceremony, so the noise doesn't travel - for the duration of the ceremony itself?

You can then invite them all, but won't have the ceremony disturbed by this child (or any others!)

*So you have a choice:

1. Make your wedding child free

1. Invite the ‘brat’ and her parents and tune her out.

1. Invite the parents but do not invite the ‘brat’ and accept that your friendship will almost certainly end.

1. Don’t invite the family at all.*

^ This

Could you consider telling your guests that you'd like them to enjoy your day child free so they can let their hair down and have a drink?

Alternatively perhaps set your expectations that you don't want any disruption during the ceremony and therefore ask your friends (politely) to take her outside if she gets too excited. Or politely suggest that as she's likely to, it may be best for her to come once the service is finished.

I think it's all about handling it as respectfully as possible and trying not to offend or hurt anyone's feelings - but it's hard to have that kind of conversation tactfully!!

Invite them but not their daughter.

Could you consider telling your guests that you'd like them to enjoy your day child free so they can let their hair down and have a drink?

Not a phrase for me. I'd far rather children were just not invited than a cheesy explanatory given suggesting that other people need to be told how to enjoy themselves.

What @LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood said.

It’s mean to exclude just one child, but having a totally child free wedding (or just children of close family) is perfectly fine and very common.

Why is this a problem? Just don't invite the child.

Congratulations Op. I'm excited for you. A pagan ceremony is so moving and incredibly beautiful. It will be amazing.

Even better if you don't invite the child. If the parents choose not to attend that's up to them.

Enjoy your planning and making and arranging.

Wishing you bright blessings )0(