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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he should be kicked out...

16 replies

Hadenoughofitall441 · 21/11/2019 16:14

A bit of a long story so bear with me...
Basically DS 11 has high functioning asd, he goes to a mainstream school but the school is supposed to be the special needs facilitated I. The area. So anyway since the first week in year 7 back in September one other boy who was in all of my sons classes has took a disliking to my son. Nothing had happened to merit this but I understand not everyone gets on fine, then more and more things have been happening, he regularly taunts my son, shouts in his face, calls him names, talks about our family etc, my son hates this so has said stuff back to him, pretty tame compared to what he’s said. We let it go for a while but then things started getting serious, he kept getting other’s involved. He’s not only picking on my son but also picks on whoEvers in his way, shouts things at older kids calls kids cunts etc. The school suggested we move him sides of the year which we have said no to because my sons friends are all in his class, why should the boy being bullied be the one to have to change. They wouldn’t move him because apparently there are kids on the other half he doesn’t get on with. He’s said some super disturbing things, like at Halloween he said to my son ‘ I bet you piss on the sweets’ and just last week told my son ‘ I bet you suck your sister’ no I’m all for a bit of banter but coming from an 11 year old is rather disturbing. He’s been excluded around 7 times that we know about, most for stuff he’s done to other kids. We’ve basically told my boy to ignore him and on Monday that’s what he did and what did it do, the boy assaulted my son. He wrote his own name all over my sons locker, and when he started saying to my son stuff and my boy turned around and said I don’t care and walked off the boy saw red and went mental. It’s all on camera and the head was supposed to be making sure he wasn’t coming back after another 3 day exclusion yet
We’ve just got a phone call to say he’s coming back and they can’t guarantee my sons safety. So now my son has to be off school tomorrow because they can’t safe guard properly. He’s had 8 exclusions that we know of so probably more and he’s still in the school. The police are involved as it was physical assault. I’m so angry. Moving schools is not an option for my boy and he is fine when the little shit isn’t thier. I’m also concerned they are setting a precedent for kids to act naughty and know they will get away with it. We’ve spoke with county hall and they’ve advised us to keep him off school and they are handling the complaint as the school are unable. Sorry had to get it off my chest. Am I wrong in thinking he should have been kicked out by now?

OP posts:
Jemmy360 · 21/11/2019 16:18

God that sounds horrific, I have no advice but I just couldn't read and run. Surely the safety of the victim trump's the aggressor? If they have to have him back couldn't they have him in isolation? Or send him to a Pru?

HollowTalk · 21/11/2019 16:20

That's horrific. They can't guarantee your son's safety because of another pupil, so your son has to stay off school?

Yesmate · 21/11/2019 16:21

You need to access the bullying procedure and the complaints procedure. This should be with the governors. Outrageous. Hope your son is doing ok. Good for you for involving the Police

Hadenoughofitall441 · 21/11/2019 16:23

The school actually involved the police. He’s been in iso many times and he just walks out. It recently turned to an academy but county hall are aware now so they will be in for a shock.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 21/11/2019 16:24

Are they looking to exclude him op? Is the instruction to stay off temporary till they get this sorted?

AryaStarkWolf · 21/11/2019 16:24

That's absolutely outrageous of the school. How is the victim the one being punished here?

MellowBird85 · 21/11/2019 16:25

This is inexcusable of the school, why have they not expelled that horrible little shit? I’d do everything formally - write a letter of complaint, contact the local authority, request a meeting with the head, etc. This is so unfair on your son. Sounds like the school are burying their heads in the sand so it doesn’t negatively impact their figures.

Inebriati · 21/11/2019 16:49

So many schools seem unwilling to actually tackle bullying despite all their amazing sounding policies, and instead exclude the victim. I'm so sorry your son is being put through this.

elmosducks · 21/11/2019 16:50

Omg!
I learnt after several months of my ASD DS being bullied by his teacher, the best way to deal with it is to fight fire with fire. I had 5 years and 3 kids in the school, good relations and when it all stated to go wrong, I had meetings, discussions.

Only when I went in and yelled and screamed did anything happen.

I wish it wasn't so, but that's my experience.

Good luck. We have to roar at times to protect our children. X

scoobydoo1971 · 21/11/2019 16:59

You should seek help from a solicitor who specialises in educational disputes. A letter before action may be the tipping point for the Head teacher to expel this kid. He sounds like he has severe emotional-behavioural difficulties if he has attracted that must school action at such a young age. There are specialist units in every area for kids like him. The school have a duty of care to protect your son from emotional and physical abuse, while he is on their premises. Your child should not be denied education while the matter of the other child is decided upon. I have never understood how a school suspension order is punishment for these kids. It is like a free holiday. You should take up every complaint channel that you can. I wouldn't risk my child being at the school with this other kid on roll.

judgemeallyouwant · 21/11/2019 17:10

There is a step by step procedure the school has to follow before permanently excluding a child. One of these is a temporary exclusion of 1 day then 3 etc, clearly your sons school is not following this. Schools also sometimes have to pay a fine to permanently exclude a child and they have to have a damn good reason.
I would write a formal letter of complaint, an email and go in to the school and then take it to the governors, also go to ofsted. The school is hugely failing your son, the other pupils and staff as they're not safeguarding them at all! Parents have ss involved for not keeping their children safe yet a school can get away with it!

Hadenoughofitall441 · 21/11/2019 17:12

Me and DP have complained to every appropriate place. County hall actually agree the boy should be expelled even though they didn’t directly say that they did in so many words. DP is a bit better at these things I tend to lose my shit fairly quickly especially when I’m being bullshitted which is not good for anyone. I just want him out before he does this to anybody else, I fear this will Happen with my son off school. Luckily my boy is big for his age so only had a few red marks. The most heartbreaking thing was the other day after my Mum collected him as I was at work 8 miles away he said he wished the boy would go because he wants his independence Back, which he hasn’t been having because he’s been escorted around the school some days because of the little shit. He hated school and since going thier has liked and enjoyed it and was a little sad he can’t go tomorrow because he has double drama which is his fave. I’m literally raging 😤

OP posts:
Twiggy71 · 21/11/2019 17:36

Op i hope you don't mind me saying but from your details i think your in N ireland. Just so others can help you better with the way things work here etc.
I work in a special school myself and it does seem to be the parents who shout loudest get heard so keep on at the management and get yourselves heard

Hadenoughofitall441 · 21/11/2019 17:46

Not from Northern Ireland. Reporting the assault to the police as school seem incompetent of doing that too

OP posts:
Yesmate · 21/11/2019 21:41

I agree with a previous poster. A letter before action from a solicitor should make things move. If they are an academy I would bypass the school and get the letter sent higher up.

DriftingLeaves · 22/11/2019 11:26

That boy has no place in a mainstream school.

Oh for the days when heads could just expel little shits.

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