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AIBU?

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Original poster

Hen Party and Wedding Abroad?

12 replies

MeOnScreen · 21/11/2019 15:15

Hi
One of my closet friends is getting married abroad next year. The place she has chosen to get married is extremely expensive to not only fly to but to stay as well. However I don't mind this too much, I thought me and my partner could make a holiday out of it!
However after speaking to her about ideas for her hen party she also wants to have this abroad. She said "I will not be happy if my hen party is held in the UK".
This didn't really sink in at first, however after pricing things up and trying to find the cheapest place to have a hen party abroad (she wants sun so cheaper places like Ireland and Amsterdam are out of the question) it looks like i am going to be spending upwards of £1200 for three days at her wedding and a three day hen party. The majority of this money is because of the flights and expensive accommodation at the wedding.
I know some of the other bridesmaids is also concerned about this as well.
Am I being unreasonable to suggest that the bride is being rather selfish in expecting us all to pay for both?

OP posts:
BeanBag7 · 21/11/2019 15:18

What is the split between wedding and hen party? If the wedding is costing £1000 for you to attend, then £200 for a hen do isn't too ridiculous. However if you dont want to spend it you shouldnt have to. If she really isnt a good friend surely she would understand if you said "I'm afraid as we are already spending £1000 on flights and accommodation for the wedding, I wont be able to make it to the hen do. However I would love to take you out for a meal at another time to celebrate". I bet you wont be the only one who says this too.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 21/11/2019 15:18

She's not unreasonable to ask, she would be very unreasonable to expect.

"Sorry, friend, I'll have to duck out of your hen weekend - I can't afford that and the wedding."

And if she's arsey about that, don't go to the wedding either.

iknowimcoming · 21/11/2019 15:19

I'd tell her you can't afford to attend both - which would she prefer you go to? Simple! Yanbu - it's a bit much imo

icouldcareless · 21/11/2019 16:04

FFS. These threads make me despair. Just say that you can't afford it. It's not a crime. If she insists on having not only a destination wedding but a ridiculously expensive hen party too, then she needs to realise that she might have a very lonely time.

You have said that some of the other bridesmaids feel the same - well then bloody well tell her.

hettysdrawers · 21/11/2019 16:11

Personally I think it's unreasonable to expect your friends and family to skint themselves on a couple of days away, it's not something I'd contemplate doing as I appreciate my nearest and dearest have their own lives and things they're saving for that are important to them.

I don't think you'd be unreasonable to mention that it's quite a big ask financially, I expect others are feeling the same.

User3421090989098 · 21/11/2019 16:16

Abroad wedding home hen is the rule

justmyview · 21/11/2019 16:28

YANBU. Speak up now. Everyone will thank you for it. This wedding sounds like trouble already.....

I suggest you say from the outset of hen party planning that your maximum budget for the whole weekend is X, and you can't afford to pay more even if other people drop out later. Put it in an email so you can refer to it later

Motoko · 21/11/2019 23:20

You and the bridesmaids need to speak up, and tell her she's being a bridezilla. If she gets the hump with you, then she's a selfish bitch and not a good friend, and I wouldn't even go to her wedding.

If she insists on going abroad for her hen, she'll have to go on her own.

Fucking ridiculous. Why do so many B2B do this? "Oh, I want my perfect day, and don't give a fuck if it costs people a ton of money. I'm a princess." Gives me the rage.

If more people refused to go to these weddings and hens/stags, they'd stop doing it. Surely the important thing is to have your loved ones with you to share the day? There are plenty of lovely venues in the UK to marry in.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/11/2019 23:27

I will not be happy if my hen party is held in the UK

At that point I would have said that it’s lovely you want to pay for us all to go abroad Grin

It would make me think twice about a friendship where there was such a sense of entitlement. I certainly wouldn’t be going.

Weddings abroad are mainly selfish and more should say no so that couples think twice about the expense they place on guests.

ChicCroissant · 21/11/2019 23:30

Way too expensive, just say no! All the costs are being heaped on the guests (either wedding or hen) in that scenario.

Chocolateandchats · 21/11/2019 23:34

My closest friend had an abroad hen night. I was married with kids at the time and in no financial position to do that. I was one of many and she had two hen do’s in the end- 3 or 4 that could and fancied a holiday went abroad and ten of us that couldn’t celebrated in the UK. Don’t feel pressured into something you can’t afford.

Blueroses99 · 21/11/2019 23:37

Is it possible to have the hen party immediately before the wedding in the wedding destination? Then there isn’t 2 lots of travel costs

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