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Newly separated, male friend

8 replies

jamjarred · 21/11/2019 13:02

When married I did not accept invitations to concerts, trips, nights out or overnights with my closest male friend for obvious reasons plus my husband forbade that type of contact.
The friendship is purely platonic and we are at very different stages of our lives. Me separated with children and a decent bit older. Him in a relationship of a year and a bit , no kids , massive social life.
He is now asking ifI would like to do stuff together that we both enjoy as we share similar tastes in our social lives/ sport / travel etc.
I'm not certain but I believe that his girlfriend is not keen on our friendship as it is close and we do spark off each other and laugh a lot. Perhaps it's just. Gut feeling of mine but that's what I think.
I don't want to cause trouble for him but would absolutely love the companionship and ability to do these things together that we never could. Do I back away or accept the invitations?

OP posts:

BillHadersNewWife · 21/11/2019 13:07

Accept them. If you had a husband who "forbade" you a friend, you now need to realise that as you're single and your friend is not married, you're a free agent.


jamjarred · 21/11/2019 13:08

Even if it upsets his girlfriend? Thanks

OP posts:

magicmallow · 21/11/2019 13:12

Have you asked him how his girlfriend feels about it?


jamjarred · 21/11/2019 13:17

No. Although he has really reduced the intense communication that once was and also our interaction on Sm which was largely initiated by him has also toned down plenty.i think that this is out of respect for her but then I wondered why he would suddenly do that a year into their relationship, rather than before now, which led me to think that she insisted on him pulling back a little.
He has lots of friends and interests and spends lots of his free time with others . Not just his girlfriend so perhaps she is ok with it?

OP posts:

jamjarred · 21/11/2019 13:18

Should I ask him if she is ok with him and I socialising etc together?

OP posts:

jamjarred · 21/11/2019 13:32

Any other advice welcome please?

OP posts:

Garlicandherb · 21/11/2019 13:43

Ask him if she’s ok with it, if he says yes then I don’t see a problem.
His relationship is his issue to balance, not yours, so you can enjoy the friendship without feeling guilty. If the girlfriend gets annoyed, that’s for then to sort between themselves, it’s not your responsibility to make sure his relationship is OK.
Enjoy your new found freedom and friends!!


jamjarred · 21/11/2019 14:02

Thank you! I would not like to step on anyone's toes.

OP posts:
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