Wedding rehearsal and after AIBU?

[treehugger1]

Please give me advice:

I am the groom's mother and DH and I are paying for all alcohol for wedding (roughly 1/3 of total wedding cost). DD is bridesmaid. We all get on very well with bride's family. Wedding is in the country (where bride's parents live). There will be a rehearsal the afternoon before at the church for those in the bridal party (DH and me too, obvs). DH's family and my family all coming for the wedding and travelling some way. Many will be there the night before. Clearly bride and groom don't want to see each other on the night before the wedding. Groom will be with his groomsmen in the pub in the village where reception being held. DD with the bridal party.

I am thinking of meeting DH and my families (probs about 25 in total) in the pub in the next village, where most are staying, after the rehearsal. My plan is to book a private room, but have a pay bar and a buffet which I will arrange but will cost people c£10 per head. The plan is that it will all be very informal, and attendance is not required or exepcted, and not a late night as we want to be fresh to enjoy the next day.

AIBU to expect people to pay their own way the night before the wedding, when the actual wedding next day will be pretty full on 1pm - 1am with lots of food, drink etc.

Also is this a rehearsal dinner, which from my research seems to be a dinner with ALL members of the wedding party are invited to and hosted by groom's parents. I think it's an American custom.

I'm a bit confused and don't want to get it wrong. Am I being miserly or worrying about nothing?

Give it to me straight! Thanks for the advice.

No YANBU, £10 per head is very reasonable for food and no one has to go if they don't want to. "Rehearsal dinners" do seem very American and imo would be more of a sit down meal affair

You're paying for the drinks on the day. I wouldn't expect you to pay the night before

I wouldn't expect anything the night before. You sound very generous.

I wouldn't mind paying to come as a guest. But as a host I'd probably just suck it up and pay the £250 tbh.

If attendance is not required or expected you're going to be landed with a bill for food in the end imo as people drop out or casually drop in without realising the cost.

But that's a practical concern - morally I wouldn't expect you to pay!

I got married in the lakes. Not where I am from. The night before me my bridesmaids mum and dad went to weatherspoon. I asked people who where staying the night before if they wanted to join us but it wasn’t mandatory. Everyone paid for themselves I don’t think anyone was bothered. Xx

In America, rehearsal dinner is usually the day before the wedding. It's usually the immediate families of both bride and groom, as well as the people who are in the wedding. Sometimes a few special people are added (e.g. a grandparent who can't be in the wedding for some reason).

It is often, though by no means always, usually followed by some sort of pre-wedding reception to welcome guests. This is particularly true if there are guests who have come a long distance (not a destination wedding, necessarily, but just come from afar.)

Traditionally, the groom's family pays for it, as the bride's family is paying for the wedding. This is very often no longer true.

I think what you're planning is something entirely different. If it's in budget, I might also just swallow the £250 and then have people pay for drinks, but I also wouldn't find it odd if there was an expense.

Ynbu. It’s fine for everyone to pay for themselves. I’ve been to many weddings where we’ve stayed the night before and always paid for ourselves. Those who have a probLem with it don’t have to go. £10 is very reasonable for food and drinks

I'd pay the £250 (not much in the scheme of things given the amount you must be paying for the wedding) and have a pay bar.

I wouldn't have a problem paying the £10 if I was invited though.

At my American wedding the rehearsal dinner was for bridal party,groom and bride's immediate family and any out of town guests all paid by groom's parents night before wedding

This would happen quite a bit in Ireland . It would be on an invite I.e. we are having a party the night before would love you to come, it’s 10e for food, no one would bat an eyelid.

This isn't a rehearsal dinner! That would involve everyone at the rehearsal.

You and DH are going on after the rehearsal to meet family members who have come up early. That's fine. You could ask how many want the buffet before fixing it, people may prefer to just order off the menu.

@treehugger1it sounds lovely! and how thoughtful of you to arrange something for a low-key family get together for people who've travelled some way.

I hope you all have a lovely time - I can imagine it as a really lovely time to connect with dear family.

If you can afford it, I would pay for the food and tea/coffee/soda but have a cash bar where your family can buy their own alcoholic drinks.