To think children don't need to be constantly grazing on food?

[UnderneathTheMangoTree]

I have a friend I usually see twice a week, we both have 2 DC each age 5 and 3.

She is constantly feeding the kids and it is getting on my nerves - it's mostly stuff like fruit purees, bread sticks, slices of plain white bread, plain biscuits. I get annoyed that my kids spend the afternoon eating mostly unhealthy food and then refuse their tea, which they normally love.

I have given up trying to stop them from eating the snacks she provides because she always insists on giving them the same amount she gives her DC. I have now even started taking similar snacks whenever we meet because I felt uncomfortable not offering any food except for fruit and a slice of bread and butter, which is what my kids normally have for a snack.

AIBU to think that 3 and 5 year olds don't need to be constantly grazing on food and that one smallish snack is enough to tide them over till tea? Or do I need to relax and accept that they are going to spend two afternoons a week grazing on food and then not eating anything at teatime?

Btw, my DC don't beg for food in the afternoons once they have had their fruit and bread and they are both on the 75th percentile for height and weight, so I am definitely not starving them!

[ActualHornist]

Of course they don’t. But it becomes a habit doesn’t it?

[Celebelly]

Doesn't really matter which generation - there are plenty of obese adults in all of them. I'm guessing you're not in your late 90s so take your pick.

[SharonFromAccounts]

I'll tell my 12 year old. He won't be impressed

[RollOnNextYear]

My dd grazes some Days more than others

Today after breakfast of Weetabix and sliced banana she had breadsticks and grapes.
Then raspberries
Then a yoghurt and half my apple

Ate her lunch, beans on toast, yoghurt and some. Slices of chicken

Then had a couple of cocktail sausages and some raisins.
Then wanted a biscuit 🤯

She will prob have some carrot and cucumber sticks too between now and tea.
And she will eat her tea which is home Made stew and dumplings

And will have a sml dessert after no doubt.

She's not overweight. But very tall. At 20m she's height of a 3 Yr old.

Other days she can eat even more!
And some days barely eats a thing.

[Autumntoowet]

Doesn't really matter which generation - there are plenty of obese adults in all of them. I'm guessing you're not in your late 90s so take your pick.
I was just going to say the same.
I don’t see many people over 90 with obesity problems so if you are aged 20 to 90 then take your pick.

[OllyBJolly]

it is better to let babies and children regulate their eating habits based on appetite

If you have snack foods constantly on offer, then you are not allowing them to "regulate their eating habits". These snacks are manufactured to appeal to children so the adults buy more - high sugar, high fat, heavily processed. Having food always available means children never get the chance to regulate as they never recognise that "hungry" feeling.

And previous generations were not as obese as they are currently. It's normal to be overweight now.

[SolemnlySwear2010]

My DD aged 5 is a grazer - she always has been but she is also a very active little thing. She goes to gymnastics 3 days a week after school (1.5 hours each session), swimming 1 day a week after school and a 2 hour gymnastics session at the weekend.

I know that this seems like a lot of exercise for her ages but she loves her class and is bouncing off the walls if we need to miss it for any reason. My DH is very similar both in eating habits and exercise.

I love large portions and hate having to exercise

[Autumntoowet]

If you have snack foods constantly on offer, then you are not allowing them to "regulate their eating habits". These snacks are manufactured to appeal to children so the adults buy more - high sugar, high fat, heavily processed. Having food always available means children never get the chance to regulate as they never recognise that "hungry" feeling.

I said “demand” not “offer” completely different approach.
Why are you assuming I talk about processed snacks? I do not. I also do not feed children snacks or children food. I come from a different country where that is not what we do anyway.
Having food available to you to fetch when they are hungry, not having a drip Into their mouths.

The obesity problem is very much a problem of the North, the West.
It is not about snacking, it is a complex issue linked to profit, advertising, life style etc.
Plenty of obese adults in the UK.

[Autumntoowet]

I meant I do not feed snack or food marketed to children. I feed them food.

[dontlickthelamp]

@tomatosoup4 I’m like you, I’ve had 4 DC and am still a size 6. I can eat and eat but won’t put on weight.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Autumn but you keep reverting back to what your DC does. Nobody else is discussing your DC, but their own. We're all using our own point of reference and those opinions are valid.

Some of the snacking that my children are now exposed to is constant. It really is, not grazing, just constant, random eating - of mostly non-nutritious things. I don't want my children eating that, not on a conveyor belt. A bit now and again is fine - not this.

It's different parenting but it's the parent's right, nobody else's. My friendships would drift if our styles were so far apart that one style impinged on the other.

[Mrsjayy]

I don't think yabu not 1 bit u kids don't need to be constantly snacking I have worked with preschoolers on and off for 30 and in the last decade snacking has risen they are constantly being fed and I don't understand why ?

[Passthecherrycoke]

Yep. Don’t forget it’s us “no one was obese in my day” parents who have managed to raise a generation of obese children. Maybe we weren’t so smart back then after all

[UnderneathTheMangoTree]

How can it be constant?
Of course it's not constant as in "3 hours of uninterrupted eating", no one would manage that. What I mean is eating a few mouthfuls of one thing, playing for 10 minutes, having another couple of mouthfuls of something else, playing for 10 minutes, etc. Not only does this add up to quite a lot of food, it is also bad for the teeth!

[UserX]

Love these threads, always loads of parents with 5 year olds going “oooh he snacks all day and still eats his tea and he’s a skinny little thing!” Maybe now, but not for long. Every parent I know who had a snacks on tap philosophy for preschool/infants now has an overweight pre-teen or teenager.

If kids can’t eat much at one sitting, you want what they do eat to be as nutrient dense as possible. Why would you let a child who can only manage 2 tablespoons of dinner fill up on crisps and biscuits beforehand? They’ll only be hungry again 45 minutes later and the snacking cycle continues.

[Passthecherrycoke]

The poster who said that has 5 children to adulthood userx

[champagneandfromage50]

UserX totally agree. We have created a culture where DC always need to feel full. So they can’t cope with a bit of hunger and constantly need to eat. They can do this in there youth whilst there still running around playing or doing sports but it catches up eventually. Sad seeing the number of high school DC with large waists and unhappy.

[Deadringer]

At toddler group nearly all of the children go to their parent, get a cracker, biscuit or piece of fruit, wander around eating it, then return for another when that is gone, and repeat. That's what I mean when I say constant. Maybe they don't eat at home, I don't know, but for that two hours they graze constantly. And it's not just a few, it's most of the children. I have minded 3 toddlers over the last few years and the amount of snacks their parents drop in to me is mind boggling, and they expect it all to be eaten. (And it is) yogurts, fruit, crackers, cheese strings, boxes of raisins etc all for one small child for a few hours to eat between their (large) meals. The cost must be phenomenal. As my mum says, just because they will eat it doesn't mean you have to keep giving it to them, and I agree with her.

[Autumntoowet]

but you keep reverting back to what your DC does. Nobody else is discussing your DC, but their own. We're all using our own point of reference and those opinions are valid.
True that yes, I was using my own experience there yes.
But earlier on I talked about the new studies being done on self regulation of food and how this proves to be beneficial into adulthood.
It begins with feeding newborns on demand, when they are hungry.
I am not saying that you should offer snacks all the time.
I don’t think offering food as a distraction, or if they are upset, or to keep them busy is good. Or as a reward.

I was saying that a) OP can say thank you but no.
B ) I don’t agree with those saying children shouldn’t snack and just have those set meals and set times

[Autumntoowet]

Oh and this applies to adults too. I try to stop and think “are you really hungry now?”
Because sometimes it is a habit and I want to try to eat when my body is really asking for food.

[UnderneathTheMangoTree]

(And it is) yogurts, fruit, crackers, cheese strings, boxes of raisins etc all for one small child for a few hours to eat between their (large) meals.
Do they really eat a lot for their main meals though? I really can't imagine my kids having all that as just a snack and then still managing to eat a full meal.

My friendships would drift if our styles were so far apart that one style impinged on the other.

This makes me a bit sad though. Our DC get on well, and I enjoy spending time with my friend, not seeing her would be a fairly big loss.
I tried to avoid any confrontation because I feel that telling her over and over not to feed my DC is a criticism of her parenting style. People get very emotional about food and some parents are "feeders", she is definitely one of them. Her DC1 was and still is tiny, he's below the 3rd percentile, I'm sure this has increased her desire to provide as much food as possible and would make her very susceptible to criticism.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Autumn I understand the point about newborns and that makes perfect sense; they're not subject to peer pressure and they have a need to feed when their bodies tell them to.

Not so with young children, they see what other children have and that's what they want. It's not easy to reason with them either (or with mine, anyway).

I also agree with PP upthread who made the point that parents who have struggled with weight and have to watch it, don't want their children going through those struggles so perhaps are a bit more hawk-like about it. I want my children to not have to think about regulating, just to do it naturally and to have the good relationship with food that I never did. I'm honestly not judging anybody else for how or what they do.

[chickennuggetsfortea]

Grumpyhoonmaine that's very true. My daughter is always being called skinny but she's the same bulid I was in the 80s and I was alway called a little on the chunky side

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

UnderneaththeMangoTree, yes it is sad but what can you do? If you're (general, not aimed at you) always on tenterhooks and your heart sinks when you see yet another bag of crisps being proffered to your children so that 'they're not left out', what options do you have?

For me, the constant feeding of salty/sweet snacks would drive me mad because tastebuds become accustomed to that 'hit' and nutritious food doesn't taste like that. Children seem naturally attracted to sweet/salty crap and that's fine - but not if it acts as the 'benchmark' for what they eat as part of their daily diet.

I totally agree with you that it sounds and looks like judgement - and maybe it is - but these are your children and this is their health, wellbeing and happiness. She gets to decide what is best for her children and should afford you the same privilege.

For me, it wouldn't be a showdown but I'd just say that we'll go swimming together (nobody eats it the pool) and then I'll take the kids home for lunch or go shopping or something. I would not be putting up with having to keep explaining to my children that no, they can't have sweets and crisps and, and, and - when my friend's children are merrily eating these. I'm not doing that.

Snacking is a habit, however much some people may want to and it's out of control for many.

[Skinnychip]

My kids are both different. One is a grazer and has barely ever finished a meal, one is feast or famine - could and sometimes does, go all day without eating and then eats 2 portions of dinner! Both are healthy weight.
I am always amazed at the amount of kids that can't leave the school playground without a snack. The school has a tiny catchment area and nearly everyone lives within 10 min walk. The school tried to bring in a healthy eating policy that you weren't allowed unhealthy snacks in the playground (fair enough, you could wait till you're on the pavement) but very few people took any notice.