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AIBU?

To believe he's changed?

11 replies

sarah8484 · 21/11/2019 07:44

Ive been with my do 11 years and have 2 children together. I fell out of love with him around 3 years ago. He is (was) lazy, only helped with school runs on days in was at worked other wise i did school runs, parents evening, swimming lessons, days out, hair cuts, bed time, home work, bath time, cooking cleaning, you name it i did it. Pretty much a single mum while he isolated himself away in the back living room. If he worked all day he felt he needed a day on his own to rest, if he didn't work he would feel depressed needed a day to himself (self employed so stress when work didn't come in). We have a clingy 3 year old and i haven't slept prob through the night since i had him nor had a lye in as partner to lazy/selfish to look after him. Financially i pay for everything apart from rent. Even everything for children (treats, trips, clubs) we fall out over this every few months and we make up with the promise of him changing, and he does... for a week then its back to his normal lazy self. He also speaks to me like I'm a piece of shit. Rolls his eyes when i talk and i get tge feeling im an annoyance to him. I almost left last year but he emotionally bullied me to stay and changed his ways for a few days then as always back to
His old self. I have now got a house, im ready to leave. And now he's promising to change, and he has changed and putting in more effort than ever. But will it be for long. Im so confused, why has it taken for me to leave for him to realise his bad ways. Is he trying harder as he really has realised or is it thst he knows ive got the means to leave this time. Can people actually change. He's messing with my head. Im so confused

OP posts:
SnowsInWater · 21/11/2019 07:50

His meal ticket is about to walk out the door, of course he swears he will change. He won't, but in the meantime you might lose your chance to get out. Get some distance, see how you feel the . Good luck x

SandraOhshair · 21/11/2019 07:51

He wont change. Or he may for a week or so then fall back to his true self.
He's already shown you who he is.
Do yourself and your kids a favour and continue with your plans.

Stressedout10 · 21/11/2019 07:56

He's only doing this to make you stay as soon as you give up your house he will change back as you are trapped with him again.
You deserve so much better than a lazy abusive gaslighting twat.
Be strong and do what is best for you and your DC by putting yourself before him

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 21/11/2019 07:57

He will change long enough for you to lose your new house and to make sure you've put leaving out of your mind. Meanwhile your kids are learning how to treat their future partners and to be treated by them.

He has shown you several times that he won't change beyond a superficial effort. Don't be fooled by the extra effort this time, he just knows you have an actual out from all of his shit and he might have to do some actual parenting on his contact days. That won't suit him and his selfishness.

Get out. He can prove from afar that he has changed but even then you don't have to go back.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 21/11/2019 07:58

Leave! Then see if he changes. But don't live with him again

sarah8484 · 21/11/2019 07:59

Thank you everyone! I know deep down what i need to do but he's got inside my head again!!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 21/11/2019 07:59

Leave then get him to prove it

Weenurse · 21/11/2019 08:00

He will revert to usual as soon as you say you will stay.
Get yourself out the door and into your own home.

Karwomannghia · 21/11/2019 08:01

He’s done this before. Only look at his actions, they’re very clear, not his words (lies). He will change back.

misskatamari · 21/11/2019 08:09

leave. He won't change, and you'll be back to square one. Get our now. If he really has changed he can prove it to you whilst you live apart. But i can imagine how that will pan out. You've done so well to get to this stage, don't let him manipulate and confuse you, stay strong and get out. You will be so so glad that you did.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 21/11/2019 08:37

He won’t change. You know it. Your feelings have already taken a battering. Time to move on. You can simply say, ‘It’s great that we tried, but I can’t get past everything that has happened between us. I hope you keep being this wonderful for the sake of the children. But for me, the relationship is over.” You don’t need to convince him that your reasons are justified. He doesn’t need to agree with you.

It’s time to move on.

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