AIBU - husband currently flying over Iraq

[sayyet]

Full disclosure I have anxiety which is only being made worse by having a difficult twin pregnancy. My husband is travelling to Oz for work and I have been stalking/tracking his flight. AIBU to be absolutely terrified that my husband is currently flying over numerous politically unstable countries? I keep thinking of that horrendous crash in Ukraine. AIBU?

The website must have been slow as it seemed the plane had stopped moving and I almost screamed. I know I'm being crazy and this is not healthy.

Numerous planes fly over Iraq every day without incident. Are you getting help with your anxiety?

Just think of how many planes fly over those areas every day. You aren't being rational, its more likely he would be hit by a bus. He will be just fine, turn off flight tracker and try to relax.

Thanks for the reassurance.

I've had CBT which was fairly successful but my anxiety is in overdrive since I've stopped taking my medication (I was told it was okay to continue with my SSRI but I just don't want to risk it)

Sounds like you need some more counselling

Flying over Iraq is not a problem whatsoever. Him driving on a motorway is far more dangerous.

I've paid to see a psychologist privately for years but have only stopped temporarily.

You're more likely to be hit by a car on the way to the airport than die in a plane crash 🤷‍♀️

I'm aware my fear is irrational, can't wait for him to get clear of Iraq/Iran.

They wouldn’t allow commercial flights to go over there if it wasn’t safe.

I would imagine several hundred flights go over there per day.

Turn the tracker off and try and take you mind off it. I find doing a word search to actively occupy my brain whilst doing deep breathing helpful when I’m like that x

Why have you stopped with your ssri - are you pregnant? If this is the case and you’ve been told it won’t hurt the baby, a happy mummy is more important.

Are the sessions with your psychologist still helping you?

I suffer from horrendous anxiety. I have also flown over Iraq many times and been perfectly safe and not at all worried.

I get what you mean about tracking the flight, though. I always track the flight from inside the aircraft and if the plane changes direction, I always worry we’ve been hijacked!

it's just so gut-wrenching as he is my world (as cheesy as it sounds)

Are you sitting there refreshing the plane route app thing?

I’m saying this kindly as a fellow anxiety sufferer.

STOP IT!!!

You are not helping yourself. Say that worst case scenario, something does happen with his plane. It’s hugely unlikely as other posters have said, but it’s not completely impossible. How will sitting there now refreshing the plane app, worrying about it, keeping yourself awake and feeding your anxiety, change anything? It won’t. You watching the plane app won’t make his flight any safer than it already is (pretty safe). It will make you feel awful though.

Remember your CBT. Did you learn about the worry tree (attached)?

You need to take control of your anxiety rather than let it control you. Close the plane app. Focus on something else - whatever your distraction or coping techniques are - put on a mindfulness app thing, take a bath/shower, listen to music and clean something, get out a craft project, do an exercise video, reorganise your sock drawer..... whatever practical, physical task that keeps you focused on the here and now and your current real experience, and distracts you from the catastrophising thoughts & associated feelings your anxiety is trying to put you through.

Managing anxiety is about learning to tolerate these thoughts yourself - us reassuring you about the safety of his plane isn’t actually helping you - you know that already.

It is possible for you to manage this! You can do it!

The FR24 coverage over Iraq and Iran is limited due to the laws there on domestic devices for tracking planes. The site runs mostly on the general public operating their own trackers using raspberry pi devices a lot of the time

Can’t offer any anxiety advice, but often if I’m stressed, knowing the logic behind why things are happening (like his flight not seeming to move) often helps.

Please try not to worry.
Statistically he would be more likely to die on a footpath or in a car in a metropolitan Western city.

I would try and get some counselling to address your fears or try and get busy with some errands/hobbies so you aren't constantly thinking about him.

My husband previously worked 2 weeks away then 1 home in a high risk environment and I kept busy to stop worrying.

He'd be more likely to be in a car crash on the way to the airport.

I fly to and from Oz 4 times a year and have done for 5 years. It always takes that route. As do thousands and thousands of planes a day without incident.

I also implore you to switch off the tracker immediately. They only work when there are radars tracking on the ground that they can connect to. It is nothing to do with ATC. It WILL go off radar so the app cannot track it. Particularly over the Indian Ocean. It is totally normal for that to happen and will be off radar for hours. If this is likely to set off your anxiety then shut it off now. Often it doesn't pick up a radar until well after it's past the Northern territories of Oz. I've tracked hundreds of friends and family flights this way and it is totally normal.

What happened to that plane was terrible but the only good thing is the airlines are likely to be careful about where they fly now.

I remember being on a flight from Singapore to London and they were told not to fly over India that day so we sat on the plane for another 1.5 hours before taking off so they could arrange another route. They will have up to the minute communication about these things.

I flew over it twice a couple of weeks ago.

Its the main route from europe to middle east, asia and onwards

Thousands do it daily

Oh, sweetie, you are being so irrational.

This is no way to live.

If the SSRIs reduced this crippling anxiety and you were told they were safe for pregnancy, continue with them.

And please don't say you just came off them with no tapering...

No solutions - I'm 2 years in with sertraline and couldn't do without - but huge unmumsnetty hugs as I've been exactly there. I have cried in my counsellor's room on Fridays because my husband was about to travel back home for the weekend (by train, in the UK!). Started with pregnancy too. It improved a bit with CBT techniques but I can't see myself stopping meds for the foreseeable future. Get more info on the safety of yours during pregnancy and go ahead if needed.

Offering a bit of a handhold here.
I wouldn't be worried about flying over Iraq or Iran (done it myself many times). My husband was on the road in Egypt earlier today and I was struggling to keep myself calm (all fine and he's on his way home now) so I do understand how you feel.

Trackers such as flightradar are great but they're not 100% accurate. My Dad tracked my flight doing a 180 over the Atlantic while we actually carried on westward without a care in the world.

Oh yeah, and I'm on meds for anxiety maybe needs to double the dose

You aren't being rational, its more likely he would be hit by a bus.

Whilst flying over Iraq???