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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Big age gaps between children.

25 replies

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 21/11/2019 03:01

Mainly posting here for traffic. AIBU to ask if any of you lovely ladies have had a big age gap (like 10 years) between children?

My twins are 14, was a lovely natural birth (well was lovely until first twin was born and the second twin needed turning!!) and I also have a 10 year old who, again, I had a beautiful natural birth with, no pain relief and was a dream.

BUT... I'm due to have mine and husband's (surprise!!) baby in January and I'm so scared! Will it be like the first time again? Or will my body remember? My midwife just scared me today as said that after 10 years I'll be like a first time mum again.

Please reassure me!!!! Would love to hear about experiences :)

OP posts:
BillHadersNewWife · 21/11/2019 03:46

There are ten years between me and my oldest sister and I can't comment on how my Mum felt but I had a wonderful childhood. I had three siblings...there were 6 years between me and one sister, 8 between me and my brother and 10 between me and the oldest sister. I am especially close to the eldest sister. My Mum was a bit...well, perhaps she was a little bit more neglectful of me but also more fussy of me in other ways. I had things my siblings didn't.

I did feel a bit lonely at times...my siblings were off doing things I couldn't...but I also felt very loved.

Pixxie7 · 21/11/2019 04:10

I had 8 years between my youngest and second child, I ended up having a c section. But no your body will not have forgotten and neither will you.
I found I was far more relaxed and my 2 older daughters were a brilliant help, even fighting over whose turn is was to change his nappy (bonus).

lifecouldbeadream · 21/11/2019 05:35

Big gaps here 14 years between youngest and oldest with one in between. They all have a really lovely relationship. Oldest will now baby sit for youngest.

You won’t have forgotten, it’ll be lovely and while I wistfully think about how close I was to independence again..... I wouldn’t swap the youngest for anything.

Original poster
Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 21/11/2019 05:37

Aw BillHaddersNewWife, so thankful to hear from the childs perspective. It sounded as though your childhood was lovely :)

Pixxie, thank you for the reassurance, I feel better already! Arguing over nappy changes, oh my gosh, I hope my children will be like yours were haha!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 21/11/2019 05:39

Life could be a dream - yes!!! That's how I was feeling! We were so close to independence and freedom!!! It's so lovely to hear though that your children have a lovely relationship, that is my only wish (well and health!)!!

Thank you x

OP posts:
Animum2 · 21/11/2019 06:36

There was 13 years between ds2 and ds3, my mum said ds3 was the best labour she had and it was only 90 mins from start to finish, were as with me and ds2 it was around 7 hours labour both times and when db came along that was only 3 hours labour

MaryShelley1818 · 21/11/2019 06:36

There is almost 20yrs between my DH and his sister and they are both so close and have a lovely relationship :)

feliciabirthgiver · 21/11/2019 06:52

11 years between my DD's and it a lovely age gap. It was so easy having DD2 as there were 3 of us to help and support each other. I'd had a lovely water birth with DD1 and was worried my experience wouldn't match but DD2 was born 10 mins after arriving on the labour ward - the midwife was filing the pool and DH was parking the car and then it was all over! Have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of being a second time mum with an age gap, I have so much more patience and perspective. Congratulations to you and your family.

Toffiffeee89 · 21/11/2019 06:53

There’s 17 years between my 2 and second birth was easier than first and their relationship is amazing

HugoSpritz · 21/11/2019 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spoonsmum · 21/11/2019 07:20

12 years between my 2 dds
I won’t lie, yes some of it felt like starting all over again, mostly because all the ‘expert advice’ had changed. (Eg baby led weaning. That was a new experience!)
And I’d forgotten things like storing formula milk etc but physically and emotionally it was no big adjustment.
The age gap itself is fine, and the older ones doted on dd from the start and are v hands on. No jealousy about new baby etc
The worst downside for me is that I had JUST finished what felt like a million years of school runs (3 dcs born in 4 years) thought it was finally over and now dd is starting school!! Arghhhh
Congratulations to you op it will all be wonderful :)

67bird · 21/11/2019 09:47

I have 3 kids aged 35, 30 and 17, the last one was my easiest birth, and I found being an older mum a lot easier, I had so much more patience

KanelbulleKing · 21/11/2019 09:50

I had 20 years between my 2. The gap made no difference to the birth. The first was relatively short easy birth. The second popped out before they could even drag me into the back of the ambulance.

Good luck.

MatildaTheCat · 21/11/2019 09:54

I imagine you will enjoy some aspects of this baby even more than your previous babies since you’ll have long spells of time to only focus on one baby. No doubt some of the ‘going back’ will also be difficult but your kids are old enough to be a bit helpful.

There are 11 years between my siblings and in all honesty it wasn’t until we were adults that the youngest caught up and we became close but we all loved having him in the family as a baby.

PixiKitKat · 21/11/2019 09:58

As the older child in this I hated it as I had to babysit a lot and my younger siblings were my parents priority. I felt like I didn't matter anymore and was there to provide unpaid childcare.

I think my mum was fine with childbirth for all of us though.

EverythingNow · 21/11/2019 09:59

I have a 9yr gap between my first and second and an 8yr gap between my 3rd and 4th.

It was definitely not like the first time again and my 2-4 births have all been easier.

It does all come back to you too. Congratulations.

Original poster
Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 21/11/2019 23:29

Oh my goodness, thank you so much everyone for your replies!
I'm feeling so much better now about giving birth!
Wow some of you have huge age gaps, you're like real super women! I'm genuinely in awe.
I'm very excited now. I've enjoyed all of my children growing up, especially as I was a young mum. I remember my nanny telling me when they were born that the years fly, and my goodness, don't they? So I think like one of you said, I'll treasure the baby days even more this time round.

Aw pixikitkat I'm sorry you felt like free childcare :( my older children are so keen to help (possibly until the novelty wears off)!! My daughter has wanted a sister for the past 11 years so is over the moon she's finally getting one! Even though my older two are 14, I don't think I'd ever use them as free childcare. I don't even let them stay home alone yet (yes, I'm that parent)! Well, I left them for about 15 mins once and they ate all the cake sprinkles 😂 but who knows, if they offer in a couple of years time, might be good! Must just remember your message though and remember not to take advantage of them!

Thank you all again SO much ♥

OP posts:
Dinosauratemydaffodils · 21/11/2019 23:36

There is 13 years and 17 years respectively between my mum and her youngest 2 brothers. As children they worshipped her and as adults they are all very close, talking on the phone multiple times a week.

ParkheadParadise · 21/11/2019 23:45

23years between my Dd's.
Second Labour was very quick.
For me it definitely felt like starting over again. I couldn't remember how to make a bottle or change a nappy😆😆.
I did feel old as some of Dd1's friends from school gave birth at the same time as me.
Dd2 has been one the best thing to happen to us.

Dontrainonmyparade · 21/11/2019 23:48

Silly midwife. Based on what evidence? 10 years + between them and I have a 3 hour labour, kitchen floor baby to show for my youngest.

Cherry4weans · 22/11/2019 00:00

There's 10yrs between my oldest and youngest. I had 3 close together from 20, then 1 at 29 nearly 30. It was hard mainly because Im less naive so put pressure on myself to do everything properly. I did feel a bit more tired (but I developed 2 unrelated health conditions) but other than that it is fab, I have alot of help (tho bit less now she isn't a cute baby/toddler) and she seems to have flourished. Teenagers are definitely harder than little ones imo.

tillytoodles1 · 22/11/2019 00:04

I was 15 and my brother was 18 when our little sister was born although there was also a 7 yr old and a 2 yr old. Just enjoy your baby,

anxioussue · 22/11/2019 00:18

There is six years between my eldest sibling and me, then there are another five children in twenty years. I was free childcare most of the time but that was because there were so many children. I'm not close to any of them now.

sandgrown · 22/11/2019 00:32

My "surprise" baby was born 21 years after my previous youngest child. The pregnancy was fine though I had to have a C section due to rising blood pressure. His older siblings were happy to look after him and he has a great relationship with them and his nephews who are only a few years younger .

dramaticpenguin · 22/11/2019 07:34

Im in the same boat, I gave a nearly 11 year olds and an 8 year olds and am due our last in February. Bit scared that labour will be horrendous, last one was lovely, but first was awful! Also worried older ones are going to feel ousted!

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