My boyfriend yelled at me then acted like I was in the wrong

[Disneyfreako]

I am completely here to rant, I suppose. I am 26 and just over 3 months into my first pregnancy. I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time and have these panic attacks sometimes I deal with in silence locked in the bathroom.

My relationship with my partner is not bad, that is not at all how I would describe it. Just sometimes he is not very self aware.

He had a bad day and yelled at me for no reason. There was no reason for it, he just took his bad day out on me. I initially shut myself away and cried some angry tears, decided to walk to the shop. As I was leaving I said to him he would never do something like that to our child when they arrive. And left, quite calmly considering I was livid. I was gone all of 10 minutes.

I came back and he had locked himself in his music room, he was playing about with some bits so I left him to it if that was what he needed to do to feel better.

After an hour he came down and demanded an apology from me because what I did was unnecessary and uncalled for. That I had no reason to lock myself away and then storm out . At this point the livid feel came back and I started yelling back. There was a lot of yelling, on both sides and I feel bad. But I also do not think it is right to yell at a pregnant woman for no valid reason and to then pretend like all of this is her fault. I'm really mad and I'm mad at him for making me this mad.

I'm all for being supportive when you have a bad day, but if you yell at me when I'm in this emotionally almost unstable condition right now, is it fair to be mad at me for reacting by yelling back ? Am I in the wrong here?

Is this new behaviour on his part? Has he done this kind of thing before you were pregnant?

Any level of stress in pregnancy is bad. It does affect your growing child.

I would be VERY wary OP. Some men turn into complete bastards when they've got a woman pregnant.

You need to leave him
Gaslighting and massive signs of abuse here, he will treat the child just as badly as he’s treating you

Not really new, there has been occasional yelling on both sides in our time. He has been known to snap at me when he's got other stuff going on, sometimes he'll say he suffers in silence and I point out he does not, I get the brunt of it.

He is not a mean person and I know there is no malice intended. But I'd also like it recognised that if you yell at me while I'm pregnant, the response is probably not going to be polite.

"He is not a mean person"

Yes he is.

"there is no malice intended"

Yes there is.

He's showing you who he is.

Nice people don't act like this.

LTB.
Do it now and let the dust settle before baby is born.
Give the baby your surname, not his, and do not put him on the birth certificate (you can always agree to him getting parental responsibility later if he shows any interest).

If that all seems rather drastic, read this:
Signs of emotional abuse
This will be your life if you stay. And worse.

As I was leaving I said to him he would never do something like that to our child when they arrive.

Do you have superpowers to control other people?

People's bad traits are amplified by having children. Whatever bad habits you have when you are stressed will come out in force for both of you. His bad habit is unfair shouting then refusing to apologise.

You are going to have a baby. Stressful days are heading yours and his way. They will make the stress of being three months pregnant seem like nothing. Red flags here. Keep an eye on them.

This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship OP. Your partner should not take out a bad mood on you.

For goodness sake, somebody doesn't have to be the devil himself to be abusive. He doesn't need to be a "mean person" to be abusive. He just needs to behave abusively. And he is.

His behaviour is going down the path of being textbook abusive. That's enough to accurately describe someone as abusive, whether they are your town's charitable benefactor, the charming family man next door or the devil incarnate.

The fact you even have to ask if this is ok is alarming. Why would you even doubt that?

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Thank you everyone for all the responses and validation of how I feel right now. There is this constant doubt created in the relationship so I always question is it me that's being the issue here, I'm always the one apologising yet always accused of never saying sorry.

You've all given me a fresh view on things and a lot to consider.xx

Going against the grain, this just sounds like two people who are stressed out having a big row.

OP, please ignore user.

Dear OP. "I'm always the one apologising yet always accused of never saying sorry." is also textbook victim of an abuser. Do you really want to live like that?

Bloody hell! You sound like me many years ago. DONT BE ME, I believed he would never be mean to the child, when the boy reached 2, he started to be mean! Here and there at first, by the time he reached 7 he was picking on him too, my son was living in fear. Search my username and find my thread, look where it has left me. DONT BE ME!

OP I think it’s very worrying that you say you’re always apologising and then he tells you that you never say sorry - that’s textbook gaslighting. He makes you doubt yourself and you start to feel like you’re going mad. This distracts you from his bad behaviour.

Shouting at ANYONE is really bad. Shouting at your pregnant partner is just awful. Be careful here, I’m worried things will start to escalate and you’ll be trapped.