If you're hosting Christmas, would you travel to see ILs on Boxing Day?

[Waitrosescheapestvodka]

We're hosting 6 guests on Christmas (my family and DH's parents), but have been invited to DH's brother's for Boxing Day. It's our 5mo DS's first Christmas so will be full on. We don't really get on with DBIL (I won't drip feed, but he's not a nice bloke historically) so I can't be arsed really. DBIL works shifts and can't do another day, so I've been told.

AIBU to ask (beg) for a late start and pub lunch?

Late start & pub lunch sounds great. Could you possibly even execute the plan on another day near-ish to Christmas & not Boxing Day? Might be nice to have a quiet day to eat your left overs!

Just, nicely and reasonably, say you're not free until later or not free at all. Don't enter into any arguments. It is a thoroughly reasonable response to the invitation.

I just wouldn't go. Life is to short to wast etime on people that you dont like or who are not nice

How far away does BiL live?

If you and DH don’t like him, why go at all?

BIL is about 90min-2hrs away, maybe less in good traffic.

Sorry to clarify - the late start/lunch would be instead of seeing BIL. He has also invited his parents and his partner's family over

What a shame that you can't! Literally the only point in having a young baby is that they are a good excuse for not doing things that you don't want to do. He'll be tired from Christmas! He doesn't travel well!

Why go if you don't get along?

Invite BIL to a pub lunch? Suggest meeting half way for the little one - if he can't, what a shame, nobodies suggestions worked out this year. If he can, great.

Say that you can’t do the morning but could possibly join for a late pub lunch. But really, it’s a long way to go for a pub lunch on a busy day on the roads. If DH isn’t bothered he can make excuses for you both and say you’re unable to come. But turn down the invitation soon otherwise it will seem as though you were holding out for a better offer, and if you decline quickly BIL will never know any different.

It would be shame that your oh wouldn,t see his brother over christmas if he doesn,t go and if they is any ill feeling I am sure not going will make it worse. If others are going then that could be good as it may mean you can avoid talking to BIL even more. Can you pop over for a short time you do sound unreasonable to me.

Think it's harsh on your dh. So you get to spend Xmas with your family and then begrudge him meeting his family on Boxing Day.. I'd suck it up for him if it was me.

We can't invite BIL for lunch as BIL has invited other guests

We can visit for a short time but given the drive and the fuss of taking DS that's going to be the whole day gone anyway.

So you get to spend Xmas with your family and then begrudge him meeting his family on Boxing Day

We're entertaining his parents on Christmas Day too.

Nah, don't go. Just don't.

You have a kid now so you have the perfect excuse to keep occasions to very close family, decline to take long journeys, leave occasions early if you want to, and generally just not do anything which does not suit your schedule.

It's the best thing about having kids.

Seeing his family on another day is kind of the great compromise everyone talks about. You are seeing his parents, but that isn’t the same as his family gathering.

Does your DH want to go, as it's his brother.
If not I don't see a problem with sacking it off entirely. As MNers do frequently say "it's an invite, not a summons"

If he is keen maybe a compromise like seeing them the next day or going later in the day would work.

If DH isn't bothered just say you're working on getting DS into a routine and it needs to be consistent so the travelling won't be fair on him.

"We'd love to meet up at some point in the new year though" gives you an excuse for the whole festive period