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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A driving one - who wbu?

79 replies

Pheasantplucker2 · 20/11/2019 13:14

I suspect probably me!

We have to drive eldest to school each morning (no public transport and too far to walk). On the road leading up to the school there are parking spaces, then the 2 sides of the road, so - where the spaces are empty, 3 "lanes" for the purposes of passing.

Some of the parents who drive in are either demented won't give an inch drivers, or terrified to pass, so want a massive space before they will consider going. Neither are great to drive behind, and the combination causes traffic buildup down the road each morning..

I was driving behind a very cautious driver this morning. Twice she pulled in (I followed), only to wait for probably half a minute until a car went past. On pulling out and following her forward it was clear that there were loads of spaces where 2 cars could have successfully passed without either side waiting, albeit sometimes one side driving in the empty parking spaces. Most people use them to weave in and out of the traffic giving way as appropriate.

The third time she did it, I stayed out in the line of traffic, I could see that the road was clear and that the car she'd pulled in for was over 8 cars away, and that there were passing spaces that meant both cars could pass without stopping. I therefore carried on driving past her and drove straight to the school without either stopping, or making the other line of traffic stop.

She drove up beside my car in the carpark, blocked me in and hurled abuse at me for being a dangerous driver. I pointed out that I'd driven (at 20 miles an hour) without either me stopping or the contraflow, but she ignored this and just carried on hurling abuse.

So was I wrong, having checked that I was clear to go, to go round her and go, or should I have waited?

I should add that each time she pulled in she pulled in right to the side (in a parking position), and didn't indicate out to show she was waiting to go. When I am waiting for the other side to pass I always indicate, as there are a lot of cars down there that just stop and the kids get out without any indication either way.

She was absolutely vile, and I was quite shaken by her abuse. But was I wrong and should I have waited behind her?

OP posts:
CointreauVersial · 20/11/2019 14:53

Ooh, I'd have been furious if you'd done that to me, OP! I'd have labelled you as rude and impatient. YABU!! I might have even shouted at you (OK, probably just in my head).

Yes, she was driving hesitantly, but to overtake her because she's pulled in to let another motorist past is really rude. And potetially dangerous, because she might have seen something you didn't, or (as others have said) she might not expect you to be there, and could have pulled out and hit you. OK, it would have been her fault in this case, but who wants that to happen?

Yes, you need to cultivate a bit of "zen" on the school run. Stay cool and calm, and don't give in to the red mist.

bpirockin · 20/11/2019 15:00

I guess the courteous thing to do would be wait for the over-cautious driver and stay behind her, BUT as she chose not to take the 'upgraded' version vehicle with working indicators, she was in the wrong and I suspect that I would have done precisely the same had I been in a hurry. We have a similar thing that goes on, and it is frustrating when you get stuck behind someone who clearly has no idea of the width of their own vehicle. Generally though, I'd just be muttering to myself about people who shouldn't be on the road.

Her abuse would have been met by a firm "Well if you had used your indicators I'd have known that you were waiting, but as there was clearly enough room to get through, it seemed you were parking." In my head followed by a "so fek off and learn to drive".

Brimful · 20/11/2019 15:03

.. and by the time they're good to go.. traffic.

Yup! And then they need a gap the size of the Grand Canyon before deeming it 'safe' to proceed at 3mph.

KnifeAngel · 20/11/2019 15:04

@FreedomfromPE you have to be joking. Every day I have kids walking into the road looking at their phones. I have to turn left at a T junction. The bus stops just to the right. This morning I counted 15 children getting off the bus and cross in front of my car before one looked. They are in a world of their own.

Sentry70 · 20/11/2019 15:06

I work at schools across my county and have had teens walk out in front of my moving car on a weekly basis for the past three years, so I'm afraid that you are incorrect in your assertion that they don't do so FreedomfromPE.

JKScot4 · 20/11/2019 15:13

I despair at the lack of reading comprehension on here!!
OP clearly stated there was no need for the car to pull in as she easily carried on without pulling in. OP you done nothing wrong; this idiot needs to learn she has indicators and get did extra lessons.
Teenagers DO walk into oncoming cars, every bloody day!!!!

Kimbaland · 20/11/2019 15:40

Christ alive... there's a fair few judgmental Judy's on here aren't there?

I overtake people every single day on my way to work, as long as the road is clear and its safe then im gone. I'm with you OP, and I'd have given her a mouthful back.

Far too many people about nowadays that expect everyone to sit behind them doing 20mph and get ratty when you overtake,

Hesitant drivers cause more accidents than confident ones. If you cant handle a bit of traffic I suggest you get the bus.

ActualHornist · 20/11/2019 15:40

People fail tests for driving too timidly.

I don’t think you did anything wrong and I would probably have done the same thing.

adaline · 20/11/2019 16:01

I don't think you did anything wrong either.

Overtaking is perfectly acceptable so long as it's safe and legal. You didn't cause anyone else to slam on their brakes and there was plenty of room to perform the manoeuvre safely.

However some people see being overtaken as some kind of personal insult and get genuinely angry when it happens to them!

ChicCroissant · 20/11/2019 16:14

The OP has already said she knew the other driver had pulled in because of oncoming traffic

that the car she'd pulled in for was over 8 cars away

although I really doubt that she had time to count the cars parked either side of the road in that space of time.

BerylReader · 20/11/2019 16:25

She would have annoyed me and I would have done the same. Today someone with a big 4x4 driving down the middle white line. I refused to give way and stop and I got abuse through the (Closed) window. The school run is a tense time For everyone but I do go into rage mode. She should have showed consideration for all drivers.

adaline · 20/11/2019 16:26

The OP has already said she knew the other driver had pulled in because of oncoming traffic

Yes, but prematurely. OP didn't cause an accident, didn't cause anyone to slam on the breaks or do anything dangerous. You're allowed to overtake someone so long as it's safe, which it sounds like it was in this instance.

MrsGideon · 20/11/2019 16:33

@ChicCroissant I think she said that to mean that the other driver wasn't likely to pull back out until the car 8 car lengths away had passed. There was enough room for two cars to pass each other so she wasn't judging whether she could get past the parked cars in time

ChicCroissant · 20/11/2019 16:45

@MrsGideon posters have said the OP could have overtaken because she thought the other driver had parked - she knew the other driver hadn't parked but had pulled in because of oncoming traffic. The OP just decided that she didn't want to wait for the oncoming traffic and the other car to pull out again. The OP has already said it wasn't worth the one minute of time that it saved!

wineisnecessary · 20/11/2019 18:03

@OlaEliza Im aware and if that it was a example but I wasn't specific on the details . it was a 20mph road over speed bump and a car zoomed past me . I'm not sure why though I caught up a few hundred yards down the road . It was just a example of bad driving my point was no point of giving someone abuse unless a accident was nearly caused you let it go .

PixiKitKat · 20/11/2019 18:13

I'd have overtaken too! Bad drivers are my biggest pet peeve! Especially because they are too scared to drive properly.

We have a similar road where it's 3 lanes and one is on street parking. There's enough space for 2 cars to pass but sometimes people wait until the whole road is clear to go!

SpoonBlender · 20/11/2019 19:07

@KnifeAngel You do have to indicate when pulling out, whenever there is anyone to indicate to. Where on earth would you get the idea there's an exemption for if you've pulled in for oncoming traffic? That's terrible driving.

KnifeAngel · 20/11/2019 19:57

@SpoonBlender I was taught you only indicate when pulling out originally or when turning or overtaking. I certainly never indicated on my test after giving way to someone and passed with no minors.

SarahAndQuack · 20/11/2019 21:20

I was taught the same - you don't indicate if you've given way to someone coming in the opposite direction; ideally you position yourself on the road so that you don't look as if you're parking (though that isn't always possible).

But you do have to use a bit of common sense! I think in this situation where people are doing lots of pulling in/passing/parking, I'd probably indicate.

Unusualusernames · 21/11/2019 06:28

I don't mean to be rude OP (I hate it when people come on here for the sole purpose of flaming the OP) but I think maybe you should consider it from her point of view. I've been driving for four years and sometimes I have days where I drive really hesitatingly because of my anxiety. You just don't know what's going on in someone's life. We all have strengths and weaknesses. For the sake of saving one minute I'd have let it pass. She was wrong to scream at you definitely but I think the fact you're even on here questioning shows that deep down you're a kinder person than you acted today.

Havaina · 21/11/2019 06:51

Oh God now we have to wait behind slow drivers because they might have anxiety Hmm

Here's a thought - be kind and bloody indicate!

Dontdisturbmenow · 21/11/2019 06:54

Her lacking confidence resulting in holding up those behind is indeed very annoying, but what you did was rude and dangerous. It is these kind of occasions when you just have to grind it, take deep breathes, and remind yourself that gaining 2 MNS is not going to change everyone's life.

MakeItRain · 21/11/2019 07:50

I think yabu. Hesitant drivers are something all drivers need to be able to manage on the roads. Overtaking in impatience is not the sign of a careful driver and can be dangerous. A child might have seen her pull in and decide it's safe to cross, right in front of your car. Her driving may be irritating but you don't deal with that in the way you did when driving a car. It's not safe.

adaline · 21/11/2019 09:33

I've been driving for four years and sometimes I have days where I drive really hesitatingly because of my anxiety. You just don't know what's going on in someone's life.

As a fellow anxiety sufferer I really sympathise, but if your anxiety is so bad that it causes you to drive dangerously slowly and hesitantly, then you need to get yourself some more help. If you're taking control of a dangerous vehicle, you need to be in a fit state to do so.

Howlovely · 21/11/2019 12:40

There are absolutely no excuses for poor driving. If you are so anxious that you cannot drive properly then you DO NOT get in your car. When you cause an accident with potentially fatal consequences do you think it would be ok to say, 'Oh but I have anxiety so I drive hesitantly and over-cautiously'?
Driving is not a right. You have to meet a minimum standard in order to have the privilege of driving. If anxiety means you can't meet that standard then you DO NOT drive.