IABVU... I think. But how do I stop?

[OiCat]

Ok, so this is utterly cringe. But I am finding myself having stronger and stronger feelings for my doctor. I know...!

He has helped me through a really rough time recently and no matter how much I rationalise my feelings as just being attracted to someone who has been kind and caring towards me, I find myself thinking about him more and more. Doesn't help that we are a similar age, I find him attractive and he is funny and easy to talk to in general. Have met him briefly a few times outside of a doctor/patient relationship at teaching events (I work in a related but not HCP role) and he is just as lovely.

So AIBU unreasonable to want to keep seeing him as a patient despite these feelings even though I am pretty sure he is a) happily married and b) would obviously never ever be interested in a relationship with me even if I was wrong about a? And how do I stop feeling like this?

I don't think you can control who you love I'm afraid?

You can accept your feelings but also acknowledge that it is probably also unwise to act on them.

I don't think you can help your feelings but I don't think it would be beneficial to your mental health to stay on as his patient.

This can never go anywhere. If anything happened between you he could(/should) be referred to the GMC and lose his job. Time for a new GP I think....
Plus he is paid/ trained to be a good listener. It’s his job.

Stop seeing him as a patient
He would risk his licence to practice if he even vaguely hinted at an attraction let alone acted on it.

All you are going to do is make him feel deeply uncomfortable and wind yourself up to no end

Register elsewhere or always see a different doctor

Unfortunately the best way to stop feeling like this is to stop seeing him and cut him out. I had similar with a beautiful married male colleague... I never ever let on I fancied him and was only ever strictly professional, to the point of being curt, but I actually ended up moving to a new job partly because my crush was driving me crackers.

If he's single switch GPs and try to get to know him next time you see him elsewhere.

If he's married leave him and his wife alone.

You have to just cut ties, before you do something potentially humiliating for both of you.

Just keep him in your imagination 'bank' for your special alone time.

You absolutely need to change doctors or risk a dreadful scenario if he did do something. You wouldn’t want him to potentially ruin his career and any family ties.
Re the crush I guess time and no contact will help

You can't help how you feel, OiCat but I echo pp that it wouldn't be a bad idea to avoid seeing him as far as possible. I know you wouldn't say or do anything out of line but it is difficult seeing someone when you have strong feelings.

It will pass. Many years ago I felt like that about my parish priest, couldn't get the romantic fantasies out of my head for quite a while - and then they went.

These are not 'real' relationships, chances are, no matter how nice the objects of our affections are, if we did get it on with them we'd probably find we're incompatible. It's a crush or infatuation and quite natural but you must protect yourself.

Gaaah I am doing that typical AIBU thing were I am reading all the replies, fully agree, but then cling onto the one singular post suggesting maaaayyybeee getting to know him.

Instead atm it's a lot more like what AufderAutobahn said, I am almost short with him to overcompensate in not letting myself break any boundaries.

I need to give my head a good wobble. It's just really hard. He genuinely is the kindest person I have ever met. We went to the same uni (did not know him) and I keep thinking could we not have met then. Like I said I need to get a grip.

YABVVVVVVVU.
Change practice. Urgently.
Regardless of how you feel about him he would be horrified to find himself in the position of finding out your (possibly damaging to him ) crush.
It’s not unusual to to find familiar people who are kind and compassionate to us attractive BUT most people can rationalise it and shake it off. If you are finding that a struggle, and are on MN asking AIBU, then yes, you need to remove yourself from the situation.

Its his job to be personable.

If you really think you're realistically going to persue this you need to change GPs.

Im a nurse and I see patients. One offered me out for the threesome before whilst in a consultation. It was awkward af. I transferred their care to a different clinician in the end

Just to be clear I would never actually do anything about this. I do understand he does not in any way reciprocate these feelings. Asides, I don't even actually know him at all.

But I was just hoping I could continue to stay his patient and just get over this infatuation. He has been a great GP.

If you really wanted to get to know him better, the first rh8ngsthings you would need to do is to stop seeing as a patient.
It’s about the code of ethics and the fact GP will not have a relationship with one of their patients.

Not seeing him on a 1-1 bais si will help you too :) You really need to remember that what you are feeling is pretty common in the circumstances you describe and is NOT love.

You need to keep telling yourself that your feelings are a very common response to feeling vulnerable and your GP being a source of reliability and kindness during this time.

This can happen with therapists and their patients as well, patient developing feelings based on bonding over trauma and the advice is to break the relationship. It isn't appropriate and so I would advise changing practice. He is doing his job only, is happily married and it is kinder to yourself to put distance between you