Partner messaging women

[Lynniepoo]

My partner got a message at 11.50pm via Facebook messenger from a woman he originally said on an early occasion was just a cleaner from work. When I asked him why she was messaging him so late at night he said she was just a friend and there was nothing to it so I asked to see her message if it was innocent and he refused to show it to me, firstly saying he had deleted it and then that he hadn't but still he wouldn't show me. She also has been commenting on his statuses on Facebook in an overly familiar way and I just wondered if I am being unreasonable to want to see her messages or to ask him about this again. We don't live together and i have also noticed that he is on WhatsApp and Facebook until around 4am each night.

'just a cleaner'? Oh dear, what a charming thing to say. Add that the message clearly said something he doesn't want you to know, it doesn't sound great.

I would be very suspicious. He’s clearly hiding something from you.

He's allowed to have an innocent friendship, but this -

firstly saying he had deleted it and then that he hadn't but still he wouldn't show me

• is not an innocent friendship.

Sorry OP

He’s not trustworthy

Sorry OP

He's either cheating or trying to. You don't need proof. You can break up with him anytime you like.

Very dodgy! It's not nice asking to see people's private messages, HOWEVER if it was "nothing" you would hope he would just show you...

He's either cheating or trying to. You don't need proof. You can break up with him anytime you like.

^^
This

you don't need us telling you that there is something going on between them. No, random women don't message married men late at night for purely friendship reasons. The men also don't hide the messages from their wives for innocent reasons. They just don't.

Thanks everyone for your messages I'm going to confront him tonight about this.....watch this space

Best of luck OP 🌷

Isn't looking good op
You deserve better

I hope it is not what we all suspect

Why bother confronting him? You already know what he's up to, and it isn't any good.

I get messages from a woman, she has some mental health problems and asks me for advice, sometimes late at night, I always let my wife read them so she knows exactly what is being written.

I'm a very insecure person after years in an marriage with a serial cheater.

This would definitely get my back up. Especially the not wanting to show you it and lying about deleting it!

You need to confront him and clearly tell him clearly and firmly that there are boundaries and if he crosses them there will be consequences.

Yup; what PP has said. Not innocent

OP, nip this in the bud now. Leave the cheating fucker. He clearly thinks your stupid

Beware he’ll have a “reason” or explanation for everything and try and flip it round on you invading his privacy.
I definitely agree with confronting him and leaving him without evidence. I wouldn’t trust him from what you’ve said here

No, random women don't message married men late at night for purely friendship reasons. The men also don't hide the messages from their wives for innocent reasons. They just don't.

They're not married and they don't live together.

OP, does he normally use social media until the early hours? Does he work shifts for example?

If not, I'd be very suspicious too.

Him not showing you the message really is all the evidence you need that he isn't loyal. You don't need to see it in black and white.

I wouldnt like this OP.

My recent ex was like this. He had a lot of female friends, which I didn’t have a problem with. However, what I did have a problem with was him messaging one particular woman all day, everyday. Calling her instead of me during the day.

I asked him about it a couple of times and he would always have a reason - she was a friend with problems, family drama, just chatting etc.

We’ve split up now and they are together.

Go with your instincts.

My ex was shady like that, frequently messaging a woman from work at weird hours, would either deny it was her and say it was a male friend, say he would have shown me but he'd deleted the messages or refuse, turning it round on me, defending by attacking. They'd always be commenting on each other's FB posts in a rather familiar way for colleagues who barely saw each other outside of work. It was of many things he was secretive about and to this day I don't know what if anything went on, but the fact he prioritised messaging her over addressing my concerns made me feel shit.

No advice I'm afraid but looking at it from the other side I sometimes get messages from a male colleague who is married but flirts and talks about how unhappy he is. I am pretty blunt at turning him down, my bf knows because I tell him as it's a bit uncomfortable and I'd happily show him the messages if he ever asked. It's the lack of openness that is the concern imho.

If he needs to hide and delete then. It's never innocent.