Have I done the wrong thing continuing to breastfeed my toddler?

[milkymeltdowns]

Until now it's felt right and not really thought about weaning but I've suddenly become very concerned that I've missed a window of opportunity to wean my 20 month old.

She does eat a reasonably balanced diet, but I don't think she eats as great a volume of solids as some toddlers I know (although equally she does eat more than some I think so maybe the breastfeeding is a red herring). I'm not concerned about iron, for example, as she does eat plenty of meat and fish. I do try to avoid milk near mealtimes.

My other concern is sleep as a few months ago she fell into a habit of feeding to sleep during a period of illness, although she'd been happy to go to sleep on her own before. Now she really seems to feel she needs it to drop off and it can be very difficult to get her to sleep. She wakes frequently in the night, but she still did even when falling asleep independently and in both cases feeding her gets her back to sleep quickly (much faster than the initial bedtime!). I'm trying to gradually get back to where we were, but she becomes absolutely hysterical if I don't feed her and climbs out of her cot.

Aside from this she seems to be very happy and healthy - I'm at home with her but she plays confidently and independently at playgroup on the other side of the room or going into a different room and is happy for my DH to take her out on his own occasionally (no other family nearby). Otherwise milk is available to her 24/7 and her preference is to nurse fairly often. I am also a little concerned about teeth - I've done a lot of research on it and I know advocates say it doesn't cause cavities but I've also seen research on the other end of the scale and feeding regularly day and night doesn't seem quite right.

I don't know what to do as I never offer and try to distract, but she's never shown any sign of reducing feeds on her own. I know it's biologically normal and I've been very happy doing it but I'm concerned it's become detrimental to her development and plagued with self doubt.

Help!

I thought you were going to say your child was around 3. 20 months is still tiny really.
I breastfed dd2 til she was 3. She was a clingy toddler but has grown in to a very happy confident child. She has great teeth and is the picture of health.
I remember being very frustrated at one point but then we settled on a feed at waking and bedtime after she turned two and it worked well.
If I wasn't at home she went to sleep without me without too much trouble.

Hi OP, I nightweaned when DS was 2 as the frequent night waking was getting too much for me. It made a huge difference and I was happy to continue feeding in the day for as long as he wanted.

Now we are down to a quick feed in the morning and before bed (I feed him and then DH takes him to bed), which is working great for us.

My child is 4 and still occasionally sneaks in with me for a little feed. At other times, they suck their thumb with their hand down my top! It’s infrequent and I suspect will end without either us realising one day soon, but it’s a lovely way to have a cuddle.

I bf until 20 months in the hope he would self wean. he did not! but when i just stopped making boob an option he didn't protest and it was forgotten within a day or 2. although he has only just recently stopped putting his hand in my bra and i had to be quite firm about that!

Have you seen The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly, it’s about stopping feeding to sleep.

I stopped feeding dd at exactly that age ( didn’t discover no cry sleep Solution till next baby ), I talked to her about it and we had a last feed, then her dad put her to bed for a few nights. I thought she would handle it really badly, she was a very demanding baby who didn’t wasn’t to be put down for the first year, and was really surprised at how easy it was.
Hope it goes well for you.

I breastfed DD until 2 and a half but from about 18 months it was not "on demand" any more. So she could only have it at wake up, naptime and bedtime. By this age its not to difficult to cut down on random day time feeds because they can be distracted with a drink/snack or can
be explained why no milk right now.

Cutting out night feeds was tough but worth it as she slept so much better and obviously so did I.

I currently believe DD1 will never stop! She is almost 3.5 and has always loved nursing. She currently only feeds every few days as I've had enough and I refuse most of the time, she sees DD2 nursing and wants to join in which can be sweet but in the main annoying!

The benefit of an older child is books etc can help. There is Nursies when the sun shines www.thebadassbreastfeeder.com/nursies-when-the-sun-shines-author-interview/

Would that help?

I just refused to feed DD1 at night when she was 18 months. She wasn't happy but she accepted it and she stopped asking after a few nights of consistent refusal. She did however 'work to rule' and wanted to nurse as soon as the sun was up.

Honestly I think the benefit of breastfeeding for older kids is mainly about countries where there isn't a reliably clean water supply.

Feed for as long as you want OP, but not longer. She's definitely old enough that feeding during the night is not needed - comfort maybe, but not milk in itself.

I weaned dd at 20mo, I was pregnant but didn't realise. Had reduced to one feed a day then said there was no more milk, I think pregnancy made my body just say no. I thought dd would be much more bothered than she was, I just have her milk in a cup and she was fine with that.