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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DD out of school

29 replies

Homeschoolschooler · 19/11/2019 12:54

DD1 is in the first year of infant school. It's an outstanding school that teaches right through to 18 years, and the examination results are brilliant. She really enjoys it and is learning a lot. I also have DD2, who is 8 months old.

I have this nagging feeling, though, that I've made the wrong choice. Not on a day-to-day level as things are ticking along nicely and I am grateful for all the good fortune I have. But I'm not sure what kind of world I'm trying to prepare my children for, and I'm not sure that propelling them into this hyper-connected, fast-moving, impersonal, environment-leeching culture is the right thing for them.

I'm a humanities teacher myself and my husband is a scientist, so if we took DD1 out of school to homeschool instead, between us we could offer them a good education, even up to exam level. I'd give up my job - which I enjoy - but I'd be happy to do so, and we'd have to tighten our belts but it would be manageable.

But my own perspective is so clouded - I'm not sure if I'm rational or just having an existential crisis some days - and I have no idea what to do to best prepare my children for a world that is spiralling way beyond my own understanding.

WIBU to take my children out of school to set the on a trajectory that is potentially less compatible with their own future success, especially given that DD1 is enjoying school so much? Would it be selfish?

OP posts:
bibliomania · 19/11/2019 13:14

Yes, I think it's unfair. Not as a kneejerk rejection against home-schooling (which can be done well or badly) but because you're doing it for the wrong reasons, and your dd is happy there. I understand the whole "stop the world, I want to get off!" thing but I don't think it's fair to make that choice for your dd, not at this point anyway.

LolaSmiles · 19/11/2019 13:16

As a teacher I've sometimes found myself wondering the same thing.
I think sometimes within the system we can see the worst of it and end up with rose tinted glasses about the alternatives.

If you honestly believe home education will be the best option for your children to thrive and succeed then absolutely do it, but if it's a case of "I'm within education and feel a bit jaded by some of the things behind the scenes" then that's the wrong reason.

puds11 · 19/11/2019 13:17

Would home schooling prepare them any better?

BlackSwanGreen · 19/11/2019 13:20

Home schooling can work well for some kids and parents, but it seems quite a drastic reaction in your circumstances. DD is happy at school and you enjoy your job - these are two huge things to give up for a very uncertain benefit.

As a compromise, could you consider other schools? Maybe somewhere small and nurturing with low emphasis on exam results?

Halleli · 19/11/2019 13:21

If she's enjoying school, then yes, you would be being very selfish.

School isn't just about academic learning - it's about sustained, daily interaction with peers.

If you worry about school being impersonal or "environment-leeching", whatever that means, then I'm sure you can counter them at home.

weymouthswanderingmermaid · 19/11/2019 13:24

Op I'm struggling to understand your reasoning is (sorry!). Do you feel that formal education as a whole is negative? You feel the school is good, and your daughter is enjoying the school and her time learning, so what are you objecting to?

lazylinguist · 19/11/2019 13:24

I'm not sure that propelling them into this hyper-connected, fast-moving, impersonal, environment-leeching culture is the right thing for them

I'm a teacher, and I'm certainly not unaware of problems in our education system, but I'm not sure I understand quite what you mean by the above.

What exactly is it in the school environment that you are wanting to remove your children from? How would they ultimately be protected from the world by you home schooling them? This sounds more like a projection of your own anxieties than about the best way to educate your children. You can't and shouldn't shield them from the world and from the normal experiences and connections that people need.

SweetSally · 19/11/2019 13:24

I am completely on board with you. As a parent of 2 I am absolutely terrified of what they are being taught at school and the amount of technology that's being forced on them like iPads, phones, screens everywhere, apps for homework, etx.
However, unless your daughter has some special needs that would enable her to learn better at home you will end up isolating her and she will not learn vital life and social skills. (That is my opinion not forcing it on anyone). Wishing you best of luck.

FizzyIce · 19/11/2019 13:25

Whoa..
your child is happy in school and doing well , why would you want to take her out of that just because you feel the world is changing?
The world is constantly changing all the time and schools can help prepare for that , much has changed in education than when I was at school and even since my older ds was at School, its always evolving so I don’t think your daughter will suffer by staying in a school environment

Butchyrestingface · 19/11/2019 14:17

I'm not sure that propelling them into this hyper-connected, fast-moving, impersonal, environment-leeching culture is the right thing for them

Is this a view you’ve had for a while or recently formed? I’d be a touch surprised by someone choosing to actually have children if they felt this so extremely that they didn’t want said children to have the most simple experience of going to school.

If your daughter is happy, I’d leave her to it. 🙂

Original poster
Homeschoolschooler · 19/11/2019 14:32

It's something that's been swirling round my head for a long time, but I've never really been able to pin it down.

It's more about whether as a whole we've got too caught up in what we are capable of doing and we're not taking a step back to think about what we should be doing. We're so distracted that we're marching blindly to a place that might end up being very unpleasant and, for better or worse, the formal education system is inextricably tied to this.

Or the future might end up being wonderful and bright with possibility and I'm just this generation's equivalent of the chap who said that paper was a terrible modern technology as it made our memories lazy.

OP posts:
Woollycardi · 19/11/2019 15:03

I'm hearing some existential stuff in your post, and right with you on what's going on at that level...but...your child is happy at school, they are not experiencing the world as you are, they are not in the midst of questioning everything as you are. Sometimes we need to step back from our own thinking and view the bigger (or smaller, from your child's eyes) picture of day to day life. There are obviously positives and negatives to both schooling and homeschooling but if you remove yourselves from the system you won't necessarily get the opportunity to see if you were wrong. There are many ways to keep your children grounded and moving at a slower pace, and they aren't necessarily only achieved by being homeschooled although I can appreciate your reservations about the system.

Areyoufree · 19/11/2019 15:16

I have the same thing with my daughter. I am very wary of school, and would pull her out instantly if she were unhappy. However...she loves it. She's in Year 3 now, and really enjoys going. She loves the learning, the social interaction, and is now wanting to learn a musical instrument. For all of my misgivings and criticisms of the education system - school is inspiring her. They do expose her to different ideas too - I remember her coming home in Year 2, absolutely rabbiting on about Louis Braille. For some reason, that story really resonated with her. If your daughter is happy, I would leave her in school.

TheBigFatMermaid · 19/11/2019 15:24

I pulled my DD out in year 8 as she was being so badly bullied! She was broken. The last two years have built her up,to the point where she is so strong and could cope with anything.

I think you should trust your instincts on this!

weymouthswanderingmermaid · 19/11/2019 16:04

@TheBigFatMermaid the situation with your daughter was very different. School was crushing her, because of the bullying, which must be absolutely heartbreaking for both of you. However, the OP's daughter is happy and doing well at school. There's nothing at the moment to suggest that it's not the right environment for her to learn and grow as a individual. Her reasons for wanting to homeschool are because of her own personal beliefs, which are recognises.

ActualHornist · 19/11/2019 16:07

My honest opinion is that if you have no concerns and your daughter is happy you’d be mad to take her out.

She is in Reception.

GrumpyHoonMain · 19/11/2019 16:15

Your baby is 9 months old. If this anxiety and negativity over the future has just started then I strongly suggest you speak to your GP. This is almost exactly how DC’s PND began.

Ellisandra · 19/11/2019 16:21

Sounds like it’s more about your fears for the future, than what is good for your daughter.

At my daughter’s primary, she has been in ‘eco warrior’ club. There are regular recycling collections for charity. 15/16 children standing for house captain had a speech that referenced the environment. This week, her job of handing out milk cartons to little ones changing to pouring it from glass bottles - she told me, to reduce packaging. I’m only picking one point from your list - but I don’t think my kid’s school is unusual. All my friend’s kids talk about the environment - and are involved in change - after education on it at school.

FrenchJunebug · 19/11/2019 16:32

You're wrong my son is in Y4 in a mainstream school and he is very aware and understanding of other people, other religions, people with disabilities and the environment. What he should be doing is learning, playing and making relationships and it is what he is doing at school. I am not sure I understand your vision of school but it was nothing to do with the world you are describing.

Madratlady · 19/11/2019 16:35

You won’t get a balanced view of home education on here, you’ll get a load of uninformed opinion and assumptions that home educated children don’t socialise. There’s a home education board on here and a lot of home ed related Facebook groups of you need more information and advice on home educating. School is not the only option nor is choosing an alternative ‘denying’ your child some wonderful life experience. We home educate and therefore know a lot of home educating families as well as families who send their children to school and I struggle to understand why anyone would want to deny their child that life in favour of school if they’re in a position to home educate!

That said, I’m not sure I’d withdraw a child who was enjoying school and thriving there.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 19/11/2019 16:41

I'm not sure that propelling them into this hyper-connected, fast-moving, impersonal, environment-leeching culture is the right thing for them

I'm not entirely sure I understand your reasoning but surely your issue is a societal one, about the modern world in general rather than your DD's school? You need to be careful that you're not projecting your own fears and anxieties onto her- which you certainly will be if you pull her out of a school where she's happy and thriving because you think it'll help shield her from all the thinks about contemporary society that scare you!

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 19/11/2019 16:43

Excuse the typos, have a wriggly baby on me!

dottiedodah · 19/11/2019 17:20

I think if she is happy and doing well ATM then you should leave well alone TBH. It is sometimes a little uncomfortable when DC start School .She is in her own little world now ,and taking some small steps away from home.A friend did this and although her child is well educated they miss out on playdates ,general routine and so on .The result was that they joined some Home School groups but they are sometimes difficult to get to and lack the routine of the School day

Original poster
Homeschoolschooler · 19/11/2019 18:26

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. It's helping me to separate my own beliefs from what is best for my children. Maybe we can start some fun low-tech projects at home in the holidays as well to balance out all the newfangled stuff they do at school!

OP posts:
CAG12 · 19/11/2019 18:51

Two things from your OP

'My daughter is in her first year of infant school.....and is enjoying it and learning a lot'

'Take them out of school to set them on a trajectory that is potentially less compantible with success' (ive paraphrased the quotes)

Why on earth would you stop a child doing something she likes thats potentially going to set her up poorly for the future? All the other stuff you've mentioned are your own views.