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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fucking Primary School homework.

346 replies

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 19/11/2019 09:46

Ds2 is 8, yr 3. His teacher is new this term, I’m not sure if he’s an nqt or just new to the school but he’s a keen bean.

DS is expected to do homework every evening. He needs to read for twenty minutes to an adult, do his fifteen spelling words and do twenty minutes of maths. So an hour an evening. There are also two spelling projects to complete every week, ie write them with your left hand, recite them on a tape recorder (?!), write them in squiggly letters.

I think it’s complete overkill. Not to mention we just don’t have the time. We both work FT so he’s in wraparound care most days, he also does Beavers and swimming, I have one child in college and one doing GCSEs so they also need support and it’s just all too much. I don’t want to spend what precious little downtime we all have doing (IMO) unnecessary homework. We do read together and do his spellings and maths but not every single night.

I’ve been collared this morning again to query why he hasn’t had his various diaries filled in every day to show he’s done it. I said well he hasn’t done it all. We are busy. It’s too much. The response was that I really need to make time to do it as otherwise he’ll be behind.

I kind of think if he needs that much extra work outside of school then something is going very wrong with the teaching...although I haven’t said that to the teacher.

WIBU to escalate this? I know I’m not the only parent feeling this way. Is it worth taking a stand?

I should add that DS loses playtime if we haven’t filled in his diary so obvs there’s a lot of pressure and guilt on us as parents and we do honestly try to fit it in but sometimes it just doesn’t happen.

OP posts:
Wheredidigowrongggggg · 19/11/2019 14:04

PinkyU - that’s so sad. I hope you don’t put your children off learning.

School is 6 hours a day, the working day for adults is usually between 7 and 8. I don’t think that kids should be doing any more active learning after 6 hours already at work. Self led learning and development through play, family time and extra curricular clubs of their choosing after school is far better for both achievement and mental health.

Not a popular opinion but I also agree that both parents working full time, with kids in before and after school clubs, is a real issue these days. Not just re time for doing homework, but time for doing anything as part of a family - having a relaxed conversation, hearing about their days, eating a relaxed family meal, just being around them, for them and with them. We simply cannot have it all. Kids will be fine in after school care, which is often a holding pen at best, but are certainly disadvantaged in relation to their peers who have parents/grandparents/ a designated professional carer collecting and looking after them.

dottiedodah · 19/11/2019 14:05

I am amazed at some of these replies TBH! Everyone wants their Children to do well ,but doesnt seem to understand that School and home go together! An hour of homework is not a great deal in say 4 /5 hours from leaving School and going to bed! Surely practising what we learn is the way to Success ? People saying they "only " have an hour or so of HW a week is not beneficial to the child FFS!

churchandstate · 19/11/2019 14:05

weymouthswanderingmermaid

Batshit 😂 I don’t think children are ready to supplant learning to read with critical thought until they can read the texts central to the tradition of critical thought. But yes, of course that makes me crazy. 🙄

Wheredidigowrongggggg · 19/11/2019 14:07

Church and state - you sound completely bonkers.

Herocomplex · 19/11/2019 14:08

The problem is with the ‘home and school together’ argument is that it further disadvantages the children who have no home support.

aliphil · 19/11/2019 14:09

YANBU. DD is in Y3 and gets 10-15 spelling words a week, plus two or three Mathletics tasks and sometimes a times tables exercise. Occasionally there are other tasks, e.g. a book review over half term. A couple of times she hasn't finished work in class and we've been asked to make sure it's done at home.

She is also supposed to read to an adult five times a week, but she hates it (loves reading but prefers to read to herself), so I tend not to worry about that as she's a fluent reader and above average for her age; I just tell her that I'm happy to listen to her read whenever and remind her that she needs the diary signing if she wants it to count towards reading awards.

Hepsibar · 19/11/2019 14:10

What I would say is the amount of work expected in the independent sector seems to be significant compared to the amount in the state ... poss because they have smaller classsizes ... your teacher would be better off personally setting less as wouldnt have so much to do but maybe he's a little over enthusiastic ...

I would also suggest that those children who are able to do their homework do have the ground rules for later school life and life in general.

We had dogs, numerous clubs, and we both worked and yet the children always did their homework ... it is hard but worth it in the end.

howabout · 19/11/2019 14:10

2 of my children learnt to read with no effort from me, them or the teacher. The middle one struggled. No amount of ploughing through spelling lists and set books helped.

Just like learning music learning to read needs active support. More is not always better especially if all they are doing is reinforcing lack of confidence and comprehension.

What worked was me sitting down with her 1-1 and working step by step to build her confidence. Once I realised this was necessary the problem was sorted in a couple of months. I am not convinced all parents are capable of what I did. I am sure that most teachers are. However if teachers are focused on dishing out uniform HW for the masses and policing parents they will not have the time to intervene where individuals need extra support.

BillieEilish · 19/11/2019 14:10

churchandstate is one of the few that certainly do not sound bonkers.

Mistigri · 19/11/2019 14:11

I don't really understand why British kids can't get their homework done during wraparound care.

Hepsibar · 19/11/2019 14:11

If you are finding it too much, perhaps you can find a primary school where they dont set any homework ... there are quite a few.

churchandstate · 19/11/2019 14:12

Wheredidigowrongggggg

I would venture to ask whether you have read those texts, in order to so confidently assert that my view is “bonkers”? What’s bonkers about it?

weymouthswanderingmermaid · 19/11/2019 14:17

@BillieEilish children reading Marx, Hegel,Wittgenstein is not bonkers? I've got a copy of Das Capital, maybe I should blow the dust off it and see how my 10yo gets on with it. I somehow think he'd laugh in my face and return to reading Northern Lights but he may surprise me I suppose...

CravingCheese · 19/11/2019 14:17

The problem is with the ‘home and school together’ argument is that it further disadvantages the children who have no home support.

Sure. Offering wrap around care (real wrap around care, not just clubs) would be helpful in these cases.

Btw, did I read that correctly? Playing an instrument (or singing) isn't mandatory / standard in UK state schools?

LolaSmiles · 19/11/2019 14:17

I don't really understand why British kids can't get their homework done during wraparound care
They can at proper wraparound care, at least the ones in my area.

What they can't do is attend after school clubs and do their homework because a school after school club isn't wraparound care, even if some parents use it as such.

For example, I've got friends in primary who've had issues with parents when they've cancelled choir/art club/football etc because parents have said "but how am I mean to pick them up at 3:30 when I work!" Friends have had to explain that a nice after school club is not childcare. One of their schools the head had to send a reminder out to parents stating that school clubs are not wraparound childcare and should not be treated as such and that in the event of a child not being collected from school normal procedure would apply (either put into wraparound with associated charges and fees, or call from the office and if need be report a child that's not been collected from school).

treepolitics · 19/11/2019 14:18

when I was ft working, the fact after school clubs aren't allowed to have a homework time/homework club or insist on homework and support it used to drive me crazy - the simple fact is 6pm is too late for most younger primary aged kids to do much except listen to a story and too late to do their best work.

I do feel that's a lot of homework but you have an after school care issue AS WELL AS an issue with an enthusiastic teacher. M

Homework is optional in my DCs' School, but at the very minimum they need to read with someone, I'm surprised this thread is so unanimous.

howabout · 19/11/2019 14:18

Misti my 8 year old does her HW, such as it is, 1-1 with me while having her after school snack.
I do not know of any wraparound care which provides this level of adult support. Perhaps that is the point. 10 minutes of me engaging actively with my child flexing my approach to them specifically is worth far far more than them sitting ploughing through an hour of set work.

12 year olds doing HW are very different, but in any event very few of them in the UK are in wraparound care.

churchandstate · 19/11/2019 14:19

weymouthswanderingmermaid

Where did I suggest that children ought to read those texts? My point is that they are not properly fluent in reading until they can engage with complex ideas, and if you want them to be independent critical thinkers capable of throwing off their chains, there’s an argument that they’re going to have to. And they aren’t going to get there with ten minutes a day of whatever tripe they happen to have schlepped home from the school library to be sighed and moaned over in the back of the car on the way to judo.

treepolitics · 19/11/2019 14:20

we had 'real' wraparound care - the care inspectorate did not like mandatory home work at all, because it's not child led. I took this up with 3 different after school wraparound care providers, you have to somehow get your child to want to not play with all the toys and to sit and do their homework. I didn't have any luck with that.

treepolitics · 19/11/2019 14:21

if they even did one of those maths apps and their spellings before they came home, leaving you the reading, it'd perhaps be more feasible

Velveteenfruitbowl · 19/11/2019 14:22

Why not just tell him to do the homework while in whatever childcare he is in a just sign the forms. It will take all of one minute and the homework will still be done.

CravingCheese · 19/11/2019 14:23

Treepolitics

That sounds crazy. Nearly as crazy as substituting wrap around care with various clubs (as the OP does).

This child essentially has a full day of 'work'/ activities and is supposed to do homework and the piano on top of it...

drspouse · 19/11/2019 14:23

@LolaSmiles my DCs go to after school club - which is care. Two different schools. It's play based and does NOT offer any help with homework. If a child can do their homework independently they could do it there but nobody would encourage them, test them on their spellings, hear them read etc. Neither school has any childminders with spaces.
One of the schools offers a free 45 min homework club once a week where school staff help with homework. The other offers nothing.

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/11/2019 14:23

Surely homework in primary is irrelevant.

It holds no merit.

I took Ds out of school at the end of year 3 because he had to do similar amounts of homework

The problem was he couldn’t read or write.

He has since been diagnosed with dyslexia, dysgraphia.

He too lost his break times because of not doing his homework.

Homework which involved him writing 10 sentences each night when he could neither read nor write the letters without tracing over what I had written.

The teacher just looked at me blankly when I went to explain he couldn’t do the homework and said failure to do the NC will mean he loses his playtime.

That year he went from a bubbly little boy to one with depression and he hasn’t really recovered.
He just sees things he can’t do and gives up.
I think some encouragement and him doing some appropriate work like reading might have produced a different outcome

GreenyEye · 19/11/2019 14:25

I have no issue with supporting reading, kids ought to be encouraged to read every evening, and its something I instilled in both my children.

As for the rest of homework, I dont agree with it, don't believe in it and think its detrimental to their mental health to be put under that kind of pressure.

School is for work, home is for relaxing.

I have made it clear to my kids schools that we don't do homework in this house, never have, never will.. and they accept that.