To worry about friends daughter

[PeopleWhoRun]

Hello, I have a really good friend who I've known for years. She has an 8 year old daughter who has always been incredibly skinny.

I met her and her daughter a couple of weeks ago, but the daughter looks skeletal. I know kids come in all different shapes and sizes, but honestly she looked ill. Her clothes were so unbelievably baggy, she couldn't keep her leggings up. Her eyes are sunken, she looks exhausted and her cheeks are drawn in.

I was shocked. But also I overheard a few people (strangers) discussing how skinny she was whilst we were out.

Friend has been approached by the school on a number of occasions saying it is becoming a bigger issue as daughter never finishes her meals, is not putting on weight. They said to her that they may need to refer daughter for help. (This was a couple of years ago now and friend has never mentioned anything else)

We had lunch out but young girl didn't want anything, my friend didn't say anything to encourage her.

I feel like if I were my friend I would be going to GP or school and asking for help. I'm concerned that my friend doesn't seem to be bothered. She is a fantastic mother by the way and her daughter is an absolute credit to her. But she looks unwell.

Can anyone think of any suggestions on how to broach this with her? Or would I be unreasonable to?

My concern is that little one needs a bit of help before this gets out of hand and becomes a bigger issue.

I think you need to contact ss for the benefit of this child. If her mother was not encouraging her to eat that raises concerns. This child clearly has an eating disorder and needs help. If it's not resolved she could die. Sorry but the child's health trumps friendship everytime.

Why would the OP contact social services?? What was the child’s mother supposed to do? Force her to eat? Make a big song and dance about it and humiliate the daughter? How on earth would that help. You have no idea what this mum is doing behind closed doors, what advice she’s sought / been given, what help she might be accessing for her dd. Why would your first thought be social services, rather than expressing friendly concern?

OP, it does sound as though the child could have an Eating Disorder. Mums bet is a hotbed of misinformation and unhelpful attitudes to those. I’d advise you to have a look at the Beat website and then have a conversation with your friend offering your support, maybe direct her to Beat for advice too.

@BoomBoomsCousin I definitely wouldn't do it so she could hear, from the very little information I do know, that last thing I would want is for the little one to hear.

Thanks @CSIblonde I strongly suspect that is what's happening hear, either denial or perhaps she's ran out of ideas.

@TriciaH87 thank you but I don't feel social services is the right place to go. I understand children come first, and whilst I have noticed a change, I have zero reason to believe she would die. That's quite extreme. The girl has a a fantastic lovely life, loving home and her parents are really great.

Thank you prosecco, that's really helpful, I'll have a look

She sounds malnourished and seriously Ill. She needs an intervention and inquiry into her diet and activities both at home and school. She may have a great family but if my child looked and behaved like this she'd be at a pediatric gastroenterologist for failure to thrive! BTW my son has special medical needs and has his intake closely monitored. She needs to be examined and monitored.