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To not even care. Is there something wrong with me?

24 replies

largestgoblet · 18/11/2019 21:43

Husband left me. 17 years together. Three children. One with additional
Needs.another woman on the scene by all
Accounts.he told me in the summer. After the initial shock I've come to a place where I actually don't give a fig anymore. I worry that I feel like this.
I know he is with her now and I don't care. I don't want him to come home( he's living here until next week when we formally move apart) He is a distant and absent husband and father who has rejected spending quality time with his children for the majority of their lives when he wasnt being nasty and aggressive towards them. I am
Not attracted to him. The thoughts of sex with him for so long has turned my stomach. He checked out of family life years ago and always took the soft option . He had no problem leaving the child rearing, housework , admin of the family to me and worked around the clock ( with no pay or overtime.. read: other woman) despite me being the main earner. I dont even feel bitter or angry. What the hell is wrong with me please???

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Claireshh · 18/11/2019 21:48

You sound incredibly sensible. Good riddance to him. X

Coffeeisnecessary · 18/11/2019 21:48

Maybe you are feeling numb, or maybe you are relieved to have finally got rid of what sounds like a useless shit in your life who was causing more problems than he was helping?! You sound much better off without him!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/11/2019 21:48

Maybe you have fallen out of love with him over the years. You have quietly done your grieving for your lost relationship already?

phoolani · 18/11/2019 21:49

Are you sure it’s not just that you’re feeling something unfamiliar? Like happiness? Or sheer relief? Why would you miss him?

likeafishneedsabike · 18/11/2019 21:50

I’m sorry that your marriage has been so crap, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. It sounds like your marriage was over a hell of a long time ago, and you probably did all your grieving years ago when he first let you all down. So the grieving is in the past and this is now just a release. Maybe when he’s actually physically GONE (despite being emotionally gone) you will stop feeling numb and will feel free. I hope so!

largestgoblet · 18/11/2019 21:54

Such lovely and kind posts, thank you. I was worried that I was cold hearted and cruel and strange that I didn't care that he was sleeping with another woman.
My only problemwith him is the aftermath in our children's lives . That fucker is hardly around to try to explain it all to them or
Comfort them or care enough to spend
Time with them and we've told them that it's mutual which is killing me.
I thought I was unhinged or on the middle
Of a breakdown when I did not feel heartbroken about our marriages

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arethereanyleftatall · 18/11/2019 22:02

Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. You will get stronger and Happier each day as you realise you're better off without him. It's easy to bury these things under the carpet when you've got kids, and then when there's a catalyst to split things up, you realise what a bellend they've been for years.

BellatrixLestat · 18/11/2019 22:04

Nothing wrong with you.

It sounds to me like you are feeling relief more than anything else.

Theredjellybean · 18/11/2019 22:08

When my dexh uttered those immortal words.. "I am sorry I have met someone else".. All I felt was blessed relief.. I loved him dearly as a friend and Co parent but I did not want to be married to him.
I was grateful he'd found someone to make him happy

Theredjellybean · 18/11/2019 22:09

So OP.. Just relax, don't worry about what you are not feeling, not everyone falls apart or needs to grieve or go to councelling

DonKeyshot · 18/11/2019 22:14

Your marriage died because his attitude to you and the dc you share together eroded your respect for him.

It wouldn't be surprising if you feel nothing but contempt for him; as it is you'll soon be liberated from the shackles of being tied to a man who essentially has nothing but contempt for you.

An immense sense of relief would seem to be the order of the day - enjoy your forthcoming freedom. Smile

CorBlimeyGovenor · 18/11/2019 22:29

I think that you're not numb, or in shock or without feeling. I think that, deep down, you are just relieved that this useless numpty has found some other poor unsuspecting woman to take him on. No wonder that you don't feel jealous of her.why would you?! He's not exactly a catch is he?!

largestgoblet · 18/11/2019 22:32

I think that I may feel relief. The resentment and the feeling of being used in every way for years has caught up with me.
I had a panic attack once when the kids were very young and he promised to
Cut his hours and be more present. That lasted one day. I'm well rid but I am worried about the future. Bolllocks

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tensmum1964 · 18/11/2019 23:15

Sounds to me lime you have been liberated. Good luck for the future, I suspect your life will improve hugely. Xx

largestgoblet · 18/11/2019 23:19

Oh I hope it will thank you!i have got so old and so tired from it all . Self care all the way from now on. I'm a wretch at this stage

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1Morewineplease · 18/11/2019 23:33

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You have fallen out of love with a man who no longer cares for you, your life, your children. It’s so very sad after all that time, but you and your children are now facing a brighter future together. He is the one who is going to miss out, particularly as his children will remember this.
You, on the other hand, will grow stronger and will have your children near you.
It’s so very sad that a long term relationship ends but , from the tone of your post, you WILL turn this around.
You are strong and you know what’s best for your family.
All good wishes to you 💐

largestgoblet · 18/11/2019 23:38


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blueshoes · 18/11/2019 23:40

He is a bad father and husband and not the main earner. You are well rid of this dead weight. Enjoy your freedom . Life will get better and better for you and the dcs.

RhinoskinhaveI · 18/11/2019 23:41

Probably a little bit numb, also I think largely just pragmatic?
It is in so many ways easier to not be in a relationship...

DonKeyshot · 18/11/2019 23:41

You won't be living a lie any more and that alone should make you feel 'lighter'.

As for the future, it will work out as it's meant to be - embrace change and lavish self-care on yourself to make up for all those years in which you neglected your own needs.

astralweaks · 18/11/2019 23:42

No, you sound to me as if you are very sensible too.

Scribblescribbles · 18/11/2019 23:42

Sounds like you're so drained from it all that you're relieved (like other posters have said) but also soon you'll be FREE of him! Enjoy the rest of your life! Completely normal. Smile

ClemDanFango · 18/11/2019 23:45

I had an utter wanker of a boyfriend years ago (together 6 years no kids) who I never quite managed to extricate myself from until one day he told me he’d met someone else, I burst out laughing! I couldn’t contain myself for a full 30 seconds. He looked so hurt that I wasn’t falling at his feet and begging him to pick me Grin I gathered up all his stuff and put it in my car and gleefully dropped him round to her house, he was so shocked all he could stutter was “what is that it then?!” I waved goodbye and left him in her driveway.

During the relationship he’d treated me terribly but I just couldn’t dump him it was like I was indoctrinated by his control and fuckery, but that moment he told me I glimpsed an escape and the relief was immense, I was so happy to be rid of this albatross around my neck!

Don’t feel guilty, you’ve done your time and now your future is yours away from this awful man who weighed you down and used you for so many years, embrace your indifference and even allow yourself to feel excited that he’ll be gone! You deserve it.
My ex wanker tried to come back 2 weeks later because he’d “made a mistake” GrinGrinGrin I took great pleasure in telling him where to go.

largestgoblet · 18/11/2019 23:47

Thank you. I feel so much better for posting . I will not be living a lie and instead of viewing the eow on my own as a lonely time, I'm going to finally sleep and catch upwith myself.. I've missed me

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