Is MN weird and, if so, why is that? AIBU?

[lumity]

Is MN quite a strange forum in the sense that there seems to be a hardcore contingency of posters who seem to take it upon themselves to uphold a MN “ dogma” on frequently recurring topics, such as -

Marriage proposals - apparently nobody should expect this anymore. Instead we should just “sit him down..,” and have a “proper” discussion

SAHMs - all are financially vulnerable and downtrodden and nobody should ever be financially dependent on a man

Dating - pay for yourself or he’ll definitely be expecting sex

Finances - separate finances are to be aspired to in all relationships

Surnames - if you don’t keep you’re own name on marriage, you’re a dimwit

AIBU to think that on MN there is a “party line” on these kind of issues, yet this doesn’t really reflect real life?

I don’t know anyone who has sat anyone down and got engaged that way (or would want to, to be perfectly honest Really? To be honest I'd prefer my partner to speak to me about our relationship and future and regard me as an equal. For him to respect me and my wishes on the matter. Not to expect me to wait around until he solely decides the best time for us to get married. I've had the romantic proposals before, to me romance is mutual love and respect.

What's so silly is that usually the couple have had the proper discussion and have decided that they want to get married, then the woman sits around waiting for the man to "propose" I agree, it's so silly! And handing the power usually to the man who may keep dangling the ring in front of her as some kind of amazing surprise she should be thankful for!

I actually think the 'MN is weird, MN thinks this/that' has become a trope.

I've seen several threads recently where someone will come on and say 'of course on MN it's considered child abuse to make your Dc wear a coat on cold days, but......' and I look back at the posts and see no evidence at all of this viewpoint (obviously a made up example, but you get my gist)

People seem to have a perception of how MN is a hive mind and everyone thinks a certain way, but it's a massive site. Enormous. You may get certain posters who post prolifically saying the same thing or peddling an agenda. But I see no evidence of a universal viewpoint.

A lot of the things you mention as 'hive mind' I would call generally and normatively accepted modern thinking.
Surely no one thinks that it's a good idea to be financially dependent on another person?Or that women should hang about waiting for someone to propose to them if they want to get married instead of broaching the topic themselves. People have thought that way for years and years.
It's like saying that to believe shoving kids up chimneys is wrong is evidence of a hive mind.

Re - the proposals issue, I genuinely don’t know anyone who has waited around stressing over it. Similarly, I’ve never heard of anyone who went about it in a really officious fashion - “just sit him down,” etc. Nor do I know of any women who claim they proposed because they got tired of waiting. I’m 45, so this has been over many years and I don’t think Im particularly unusual. If you took MN as fact, you’d think this happens more often than not, whereas I’ve never seen any evidence of it. So it seems odd advice.

I think you're possibly reading too much into the “just sit him down” as that seems to have been honed in on. I think they've meant talk, try and make him listen. At least that's how I've interpreted it as it is hard to get people to listen if they don't want to discuss something.

Hmm maybe. I just think some of the advice on here is so literal as to be naive, in a way.

From what I've seen about finances on here it seemed to me to be suggested a lot more frequently that it should all be pooled together and if you're finances are separate you're not really committed to each other!

Hmm maybe. I just think some of the advice on here is so literal as to be naive, in a way

I think you are taking it too literally, rather than it being intended to be taken literally.

When people say "sit him down and talk to him" about wanting to get married they don't mean tie him to a chair, shine a light in his eyes and demand an answer to your questions.

What they mean is that if it is important to the OP that she gets married then she needs to talk to her partner about that and find out what his views are, so that she knows whether they are on the same page. Nobody is saying that it has to be officious - just whether or not her partner wants to get married and if so when, are questions only one person can answer and those answers aren't going to be transmitted via a bunch of strangers online.

You are right OP. I take no notice, not least because the posters pushing those lines sound miserable and argumentative as fuck. Which makes me think their own 'guidelines' don't make them happy so, they're here to have a pop at other womens' relationships. The kind of dissatisfied person who always wants to stick their beak into others' relationships & are likely avoided for such in real life