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AIBU?

To ask you how I actually LTB?

16 replies

Frazzledforever · 18/11/2019 16:38

Or more specifically make him leave!
I'm sad to say that six months on from us having the last talk, and me crying all the way through our mini break, things haven't changed, in fact they're worse.
Main issues are his refusal to get help for his depression and anxiety, his alcoholism, his lack of self care and hygiene and his hatred of my social life. I'm not perfect, but I really struggle to see how him drinking beer at 10am, his lack of positivity and transformation into dirty old man who you would avoid sitting next to on a bus are my fault. I've asked him to get help, I've asked him to go to AA, I've contacted local authorities, he refuses.
Recent event was Saturday night when I went out with my friends. Told him I'd be home at 10, text him to say that I was having a nice time and would be home at 12.30. This resulted in him texting me that he 'hoped that the dick was worth it as I'd killed our family' and that he was 'going to go out, you'd better get back or the kids will be left alone.' I don't see how I can ever forgive him. In the morning he started drinking super strength cider and called me a slag in front of our four year old.
What can I do? We own the house together although not tenants in common. I put in a £200,000 deposit. He pays the £350 mortgage. I think I could pay that and other bills if I went full time. How do I get him out?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 18/11/2019 16:41

See a solicitor, asap.

mrsbyers · 18/11/2019 16:44

Tough love , have you threatened him with this sort of action before ? It’s time you followed through on it or he will never respect you or change

Tini17 · 18/11/2019 16:44

As PP said, see a solicitor. They’ll talk you through things.

Frazzledforever · 18/11/2019 16:45

Do I have to kick him out first or see a solicitor first?

OP posts:
Frazzledforever · 18/11/2019 16:51

Can anyone help who's been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Marshmallow91 · 18/11/2019 16:57

Always solicitors first. They'll be able to advise on how best to proceed. Then when he makes threats and demands, you know exactly if he's got any leg to stand on. It'll make you more confident.

OhioOhioOhio · 18/11/2019 16:59

Yes. Solicitor ASAP.
It takes ages when you finally accept thrh are bastards.

Good luck. It will be worth it.

Frazzledforever · 18/11/2019 17:00

How does anyone find the inner strength? I just feel like crumbling. As much as he is a bastard, we've been in a relationship for 15 years, two kids. He is their world. Just don't want to be the bad guy.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 18/11/2019 17:01

You’ll have to see a solicitor first. Start documenting the arguments and threats. It might build up to something that you need.
It might take a while, but it’ll be worth it. So much luck

SpiderHunter · 18/11/2019 17:04

He is their world.

Their world, then, is an abusive alcoholic father and a toxic household. They (and you) deserve better than that.

Frazzledforever · 18/11/2019 17:07

I get it. He is verbally abusive but has never hit me. I know he's deeply unhappy but there's only so much I can take before that's no longer a good enough excuse.

OP posts:
Tyersal · 18/11/2019 17:16

If he is as bad as you say then long term you will be doing your kids a favour. This is not your fault

Frazzledforever · 18/11/2019 17:24

@Tyersal I do love him, as a person I've known since I was 15. Not as a partner because he's not one. He parents our children but he is not a support to me. I dread him coming home and his awful awful moods.

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 18/11/2019 17:24

Read 'Living with the Dominator' by Pat Craven


It will feel as though she's been in your house for years.

OhioOhioOhio · 18/11/2019 17:24

And. You don't find the strength. You literally can't take it for one second more.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 18/11/2019 17:33

See a solicitor ASAP. Next time he is drunk and being abusive, call the police.

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