To not go to docs with my 13yr old ds?

[OnTheFenceWithMostViews]

I'm more than happy to but it's right on toddlers tea time. So my Father has said he can take him. And wait in waiting room.

Its an urgent apt so all they can offer but he came home from school and said his privates were sore and swollen.

He said he's not fussed who takes him but wondering if he's be embarrassed about them looking and asking the questions?

Or take snacks and do dd a later tea?

Don't want to worry you unnecessarily, but having been through this with my teenage boy two weeks ago - please go with him, and be prepared for possible A&E visit. As bloodywhitecat says - could be a torsion, and therefore need urgent attention. We were treated with absolute dignity and care, and the HCPs were all very aware of the embarrassment of a 14 year old boy describing testicle pain in front of his mum, and found ways to help him through it. He'll need to be chaperoned during any examination, and he may find that it's better to have you there discretely sitting in the corner than another stranger.

Sorry, cross posted with your update!

Of course you should go in and your df should meet you there and watch your daughter if he honestly can’t sit with her at home. Your sons 13, not 16. Look away if he’s shy but surely you need to supervise and receive treatment advice?

I just asked if he could explain if it's definitely the same as last time.
He said sort of, in that it feels sore.
He said at sch he was going into the toilet and boys were trying to push the door on. Cubicle (no. Locks on doors) so he hurried up and pulled his skin back too far and feels sore and red now underneath.
I said was it is testicle and he said no.

stay in waiting room if he wants

You'll probably have to stay in the room with him as I can't imagine GP will be allowed to examine him without you (or a nurse or similar) present due to his age.

Couldn't your DH leave work early to take him? I can imagine why a 13 year old boy wouldn't want his mom in the room.

Dh can't leave purposely early unless all. The work is done. But he said he may get there just in time.. I've packed snacks all. Fine.

I don't know why he don't want me to go.. Normally he's very mummified and would tell or even show me anything.. When he had an infection before he woke me up by showing me lol.
He just says its weird your mum going. I said it's normal

Boys are self conscious at that age, even with mum. I agree you must go with him though, op, and as suggested you can sit discreetly apart from him during examination.

Poor lad, hope it isn't anything too bad and soon cleared up.

Yeah totally agree.
He's just said if. His friends find out I went they'll laugh.. I said if they were your Friends they wouldn't laugh and would understand.
He's far from shy normally.. Hes always running from bedroom to Shower starker and having to tell him not to.

So he's pulled his foreskin to far back?

Yeah I think that's what he was trying to explain. He screamed when he went to toilet but I said they may give u an ointment but it prob will sting for a few days..

If there is a nurse available to chaperone, ask DS if he would prefer the nurse or you (plus DD) in the examining room.

He's probably done it wanking and doesn't want to say in front of you!

@JasonPollack or maybe he rushed having a wee at school like he said and is embarrassed at the idea of his friends finding out his mom saw his bits, like he said...

I think you should go with your son and stay while he is examined, he is still 13 years old after all.

My daughter a year ago had to be examined on her privates and other parts of the body as she started bleeding, having heavy discharge .. She was 8 years old btw, the doctors said was nothing but it was actually pre puberty. My daughter just started her period this year with 9 years old.

I think its important to be comfortable with your own children nudity and vice versa, talking to them about it will make them more at ease to show you and tell you about any concerns.

And yes he might feel embarrassed talking to a doctor about his privates but that should be you telling the doctor the details not him.

Just to say of course an adult should go with him. But any teenager can legally visit a Dr by themselves and consent to medical treatment if they are judged capable of doing so.

It's a very awkward age for this sort of thing but although it's an unusual occurrence for you and your son the practice will be experienced at dealing with this. Be led by how he wants to play it. Yes the GP will have a chaperone but if your son would prefer that doesn't have to be you.

I've forgotten what it's called now but the GP will use the latest version of Gillick Competence to assess your son and his ability to manage his own medical needs.

And of course a lot of teenage boys would want to be examined behind a curtain without their mum looking on.

@Nindaelita There is a huge difference between an 8 year old and a 13 year old. A lot of children by 3 get embarrassed about their body in front of parents however open their parents are.

I too thought he could have been experimenting with wanking and obviously doesn’t want to tell his mum. Purely because if he isn’t shy about his privates usually, then this would make sense.

I would chat with him in the way there re being embarrassed, no need to be etc etc. I would be in the room with him, doctors examine behind a curtain anyway so mum wouldn’t see his privates. It sounds like ds is definitely more embarrassed about what his mum might hear.

Aside from this, he can actually see GP alone at his age ... something I don’t agree with personally.

@caranconnor Yes I do agree there is a big difference in age in my example. However I think teaching confidence and acting natural regarding nudity from a young age contributes to less insecure teenagers about their bodies, letting them speak freely about common problems such as periods for girls, erections for boys or anything else really. I know in some cases its easier said than done, but the fact still stands.

I did write part of my comment following the wondering if he's be embarrassed about them looking and asking the questions? because the OP as his mum should already know the answer to that.

He's probably done it wanking and doesn't want to say in front of you

I thought this too, why would you pull your foreskin back whilst weeing? Even if you were startled that would suggest quite a firm grip no? But I don't have a penis so 🤷🏻‍♀️

You can let his grandad take him you know

I don’t see the problem with his grandfather taking him.

surely it's perfectly obvious that at 13 a boy does not want his mum in with him if he is discussing his penis?
He may well have made it sore wanking and he is hardly likely to admit that if his mum is in the room.

I think you should go with him but allow him the choice- if he wishes to see the dr alone, he can. Not sure where this idea of he must have an adult with him is coming from? Teens of any age can see the dr for contraception, so he doesn't need a mum there with him.

The dr can call for a nurse if they feel a chaperone is necessary.

But as his mum you ought to be able to discuss his diagnosis with the GP if you r son is happy for this.