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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I BU for refusing "help"?

15 replies

CynthiaRothrock · 18/11/2019 15:18

Hi all looking for opinions here as friend thinks i was but i am not sure. But ready to be told (politely) I was a bit U.

Part of my job is that i set up an area for use daily. This involves putting away equiptment and tidying up after previous users then re-setting up the area for the next use. It involves alot of heavy lifting. I have a time frame of 15-20 mins max to clean up and set up this area. (Could really do with 25-30 but that is never going to happen). The previous users are supposed to clean up and put away after themselves but they never do and after 6 years of complaining to management I have given up and absorbed the clean up in to my time frame.

I have set this area up on my own daily for the last 6 years. There are people that then come in to work in the area. They come in 5 to 10 mins before I finish setting up, they usually stand in the corner chatting. Now 2years ago i had a fall and ended up with a dislocated thumb and several fractures in my hand. Despite asking for help whilst wearing a cast on my hand, none came. So i struggled with setting up but i got it done. These people still stood in the corner chatting whilst watching me struggle. None offered any help.

Then 5 weeks ago, i injured my back (torn muscle) whilst lifting at work (thanks to someone over filling a box and not labelling it correctly). I should have had myself signed off but unfortunatley could not live off of sick pay so carried on. Management aware of situation, again I pointed out i would need help with the set up. No help came. Staff still stood in corner chatting and watching me. All commenting on how i shouldn't be lifiting anything let alone the heavy stuff but never offering help (even when i have asked)

Now this is the AIBU part. last week we had a big inspection. Everyone jumps to attention and wants to get themselves noticed! On the first day of the inspection all of these staff members came in 20mins early to "help" set up. This resulted in a laurel and hardy situation. Too many people trying to do things in a small area. Parts of the clean up got missed, and the floor and a wall have been damaged by them dragging things rather than lifting them(i got questioned later as to why i had not done the full clean up and where the damage had come from) I also got hit by 2 pieces of equiptment leaving a massive bruise on my hip and the whole set up took longer than if i had done it by myself as they kept stopping to ask me where things go etc.

On the second day when they came in early and started moving things I said "Don't worry about setting up, the area isn't big enough for 6 people to be lifting and moving things, please just leave me to it".
3 of them said no worries. The other 2 stood muttering and the words "ungrateful bitch" were shot in my direction. So i questioned their reasoning for the insult.
Apparently we are a team and i should be grateful for the help! So i calmly replied that i would have been greatful of the help over the last 5 weeks instead of people watching me work whilst injured and commenting on how it isn't fair that i am still lifting whilst injured, but none of them offered any help or told me they were busy when i asked for it. I also pointed out the massive bruise in my hip from the "help" they gave the day before.
One said fair enough. The other said i was being immature and she would never offer to help again. My reply was Thats fine because you were more of a hindrance than help yesterday and the only reason the offer of help was there was because they wanted to get themselves noticed by the management and the inspectors. If you really wanted to help and act like.part of a team you would have helped me over the last 5weeks whilst i was injured not just while the inspectors are here. She didnt have a reply to that! She then spent the rest of the week throwing daggers at me!

So mumsnet was i an unreasonable bitch or was i justified?

OP posts:
Throwawayteacher · 18/11/2019 15:22

Definitely justified! Flowers

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 18/11/2019 15:24

I've been in similar situations. YANBU and were justified!

SabineUndine · 18/11/2019 15:25

I'd be complaining to the person's manager about the way they spoke to me, tbh. You don't do that at work.

PersephoneOP · 18/11/2019 15:40

YANBU, If she called you a bitch you can report her.

Damntheman · 18/11/2019 15:47

SO justified!

GettingABitDesperateNow · 18/11/2019 15:50

To be honest I think its odd that you havent addressed this with management. If you cant do a job when you're injured and employees just stand round watching you, it's up to management to ensure you can do your job safely.

Doormat247 · 18/11/2019 15:51

Definitely justified and you should report the cow that called you a bitch.
I think a formal complaint about what has happened over the last 6wks or so should be filed to cover your own back, especially over your injuries.

Havaina · 18/11/2019 16:18

The other said i was being immature and she would never offer to help again. My reply was Thats fine because you were more of a hindrance than help yesterday

I love your response OP! Grin YANBU

leghairdontcare · 18/11/2019 16:22

Irrespective of the attitude of the other workers, you seem to have suffered a disproportionate amount of workplace injuries. Are these being recorded? Who is responsible for H&S? It sounds like a right mess.

OurChristmasMiracle · 18/11/2019 16:59

Honestly I’d stop doing it and when asked why o would tell management that you cleaned the area but weren’t able to lift the boxes or move tables as no one was prepared to help you

I Would also get a sick note stating you are fit for work but no heavy lifting.

cheesewitheverything · 18/11/2019 17:13

I'm feeling furious on your behalf OP! YANBU at all. Don't put up with this, though, as you are already injuring yourself by doing too much without help.

ClapHandsAndSaveTheFairies · 18/11/2019 17:20

Well said OP!

I do think the situation needs formally raising,letters to HR and everything possible, regarding you having to clear up someone else's mess in your own set up time, the fact you've continued to labour on both someone else's mess and your own responsibilities despite injuries, AND while these idiots watched you without offering help, then hindered you when the inspection was happening, plus the way you were spoken to plus injuries (bruising) acquired etc...

Sorry that's not written particularly eloquently, splitting headache

NoSquirrels · 18/11/2019 17:22

It all sounds crazy. As soon as you dislocated your thumb or hurt your back you should have been insisting on help - not carrying on!

Then you’d have team members trained up in what to do, and the situation yesterday wouldn’t have arisen.

Why on earth haven’t you asked specifically for help from the ones standing by? Why haven’t you insisted on the previous users clearing up? Why do you clear up and set up somewhere that it seems you don’t use?

I can see why you snapped, but it’s a situation slightly of your own creation by being a bit martyred about not insisting on things being sorted by management.

CynthiaRothrock · 18/11/2019 17:46

Ill try to answer a few questions sorry if i miss anyone will come back later though to.fill in any blanks.

My job is that of a "caretaker/porter" (thats not the job title but it is the best description for it.) One of the big parts is setting up areas for use. This can range from setting up meeting rooms/conference halls/ sports and performance areas etc.

All accidents have been reported in the correct way. There are several different areas/ teams within the building. I have no duristriciton or control over anyone in any other "team" . The staff that come in to use the room, it is.not on their job description to set up the room, so they won't. (Unless they want credit) End of story. I should have 3 people in my team, my boss, me and another person. Boss retired. his job has been advertised for 2 months- no takers. Other person left 3yrs ago and they never replaced them! So atm it is just me all alone in my dept. I report to another.manager but she is covering for 3 others on long term sick. She helps where she can.
The manager of the other dept (the staff that wouldn't help,) is about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. She will make all of the right noises but is quite frankly shit at her job but so far up the big bosses arse its hard to tell where 1 starts and the other begins! She has been reported by several people over the years but nothing ever happens.

I openly said to a manger that i would have myself signed off if need be. Not blowing my own trumpet but they would be screwed without me atm.

Everything has been put in writing, even my little.outburst. i reported.myself before anyone else could. My manager said she didn't blame me at all and they all know how much pressure i am under.

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 18/11/2019 17:49

after * 6 years of complaining to management* I have given up and absorbed the clean up in to my time frame.

@GettingABitDesperateNow Mon 18-Nov-19 15:50:20
To be honest I think its odd that you havent addressed this with management.

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