Name changed for this as anyone who knows me will know this. I know my reaction was unreasonable however to this day, I still can't see how it was a police caution and am convinced it was a case of my friends a copper and I'll sic them on you.
Back in 2008, I allegedly received a police caution. Except the cheque I wrote (remember them?) was never cashed and nothing ever happened or was followed up.
I was shopping in Tesco in the run up to Christmas and a lady was shopping with her toddler and baby. To cut a long story short, the toddler was "entertaining" the baby and you could hear the screeches echoing across the store. When I got to the till to pay, there were plenty of people commenting on it so it wasn't just me it was annoying.
Just my luck the offenders decided to get into the queue behind me. My stuff was on the conveyer and the toddler started poking at my fruit which was level with her.
I asked the mother to get her to stop and she ignored me. So I tried asking the toddler and wafting my hands about - didn't work. At this point I said rather pointedly words to the effect of "If you don't stop her prodding my stuff I'll make sure she stops".
Queue a slanging match between the mother and me about kid expressing herself and me suggesting she learns to bring her kids up and not drag them up.
I had to go to the kiosk so by the time I got out to car park the other party were already at their car which was parked two spaces away from mine. The argument resumed. There was some offing and blinding on my part and lots of screeching from hers.
A few weeks later, my exDP got as letter from his works car scheme as the police had asked to identify the driver of the vehicle on the date. Revealed it was me and I was asked to come into the local police station. I was working in another part of the country and the only time I could go in that worked fro them was late in the evening on a Saturday. I didn't think anything of it so did not take any legal representation.
Off I trotted at around 8pm on a Saturday night (which I thought was weird). This copper sat me down and said I was being cautioned for a public order offence and starts a spiel. At this point I'm gobsmacked and doing a fish impression.
When he said it was an offence to swear around Children I actually laughed and suggested he walk up the local high street on a saturday and arrest many of the people there as most were swearing and there were children around.
Apparently I'd also threatened physical violence against a child (I had not). He said he was "quite concerned I was still worked up over this several weeks later"
I said "No, I'm worked up about the waste of police resources involved in tracking me down and all this over a verbal bitch fight at the check out"
Anyway, I accepted the caution as the easiest way of closing the whole thing, filled in the form, sent off my cheque and never heard anything else. Except the cheque was never cashed - surely if they hadn't received the money, they would have followed it up.
To this day, I do wonder if it was actually a caution or someone getting their mate to make my life difficult.