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AIBU?

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Original poster

Right time for ttc?

11 replies

Pizza83746 · 18/11/2019 13:07

Hi. I’m in first year of a 4 year degree. I have endometriosis, had an abortion 2 years ago that caused complications and led to an ovarian cyst that went septic and had threatened ovarian torsion. Had a miscarriage 2 months ago.

My boyfriend and I really want to start ttc and I would probably transfer to open uni as I don’t have family living near me to help me it i stay at uni. Do you think this is an awful idea. I’m only 22 and so is he. We both work full time right now but could live off his wage. I know it seems young but I’ve been told I will have problems conceiving most likely and this recent miscarriage really panicked me.

OP posts:
MsRomanoff · 18/11/2019 13:11

Honestly, a few months into a 4 year degree?

I think you would be mad. You are only 22. I get that there are complications. But those will be the same when you finish your degree.

Risking your degree or making life more difficult to complete it, would be a huge mistake.

MsChatterbox · 18/11/2019 13:14

I just finished my degree. Don't do it. Sure you can suffer and raise a child whilst doing your degree. But why suffer? Do these two things individually and put your all into both of them. I'm even struggling just to do an online course with my LO. Just too tired by the time he is in bed. Also ttc is completely all consuming, you would be so distracted at uni! Especially then dealing with negative emotions of bfn whilst trying to remain positive. Honestly I would wait.

MsChatterbox · 18/11/2019 13:15

Also, in my third year I nearly talked myself into ttc. I am so glad I didnt do it. I would not have wanted that final year stress whilst pregnant!

CandlesAreHere · 18/11/2019 13:41

You’re very young and you’re trying to make your life much harder than it needs to be. Get your degree out of the way first.
I had endometriosis which resulted in surgery for an ovarian cyst, steroid treatment to stop my periods etc. etc. and was told I would have difficulty conceiving. So I do sympathise and understand why you’re thinking like this.
Speak to your GP for advice.

Original poster
Pizza83746 · 18/11/2019 13:54

I just feel like I have huge anxiety from this. Like I feel like I’m choosing between a degree and a child because of the problems I’ve had. I also have a bocorniate uterus (can’t spell it) where my uterus is sort of separated so I’m high risk for miscarriage and breach etc. And if I had to pick one it would without a doubt be having a baby.

OP posts:
Butterfly02 · 18/11/2019 13:58

I understand your worries I had my first at 25 after 5 years of ttc and fertility treatment - can you get gp to do all bloods, ask then to discuss your case with fertility expert and make an informed choice. Find out what the reduced % in fertility is for you (not the average for age) now and at 26 when you've completed your degree. I started ttc towards the end of my degree I did however go back to uni for further education when dc were young dt were 2 eldest 6 it was harder with them but doable. If I was in your situation I'd like to think I'd do my degree then start ttc however I understand your worries if I was your mother I'd be devastated that you get pregnant during your degree I wouldn't tell you though I'd be worried you had to many things to juggle. In an ideal world you'd do your degree become independent financially because you don't know what's round the corner and then conceive. But we don't live in that ideal world.

Original poster
Pizza83746 · 18/11/2019 14:02

@butterfly02 my mum actually wants me to start ttc as she’s a midwife and her friend was my gynae nurse when getting investigated and thinks I would be logical to just take a year out or switch to open uni! I will ask gp thank you, I didn’t know that was an option really.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 18/11/2019 14:20

That's really difficult.

Forgive me asking, but is part of the concern about the endo to do with possible treatments? I know from two friends who have it that one of the treatments you can get makes you infertile, so obviously isn't appropriate until you've completed your family, and I know my friend who had that treatment was in a lot of pain.

I do think if I were you I would wait, though. For starters, I would think you need at least some time to recover from the miscarriage. Maybe also ask your doctor if there's a chance things will settle down at all - it might be your body will be in better shape in a year or two, and by then you will be that much further into your degree and will have a better sense of how things might be managed.

middlemuddle · 18/11/2019 14:21

Yes I do. As someone who had their first at 24 I wish I was more on my feet financially when I had them. Do the degree, get a job, somewhere secure to live and then have children.

Thats honestly what I'd do if I could go back. It'll be so much harder trying to achieve any study goals etc with a baby, it'd be much easier to do it now.

Sorry for your loss x

middlemuddle · 18/11/2019 14:23

Also as gently as possible, miscarriages happen. It doesn't necessarily mean you'll have more. I have 3 children and had 1 miscarriage in trying.

Mrsboombastic99 · 18/11/2019 15:31

I understand your desire to start ttc given your concerns that it might not be an easy path for you. However I think you should focus on your studies for now. Doing a degree can be extremely stressful at times. And if you did ttc and things didn't run smoothly you may wish to go down the route of testing and treatment which is what my dh and I are doing now and it's so stressful and all consuming at times. Time is very much on your side right now. Good luck Flowers

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