Aibu to not be sure whether I am depressed or just hate by job

[Frozenfan2019]

I don't know what to do. I am on medication for depression but I thought I was pretty much back to normal. I haven't been happy at work for a couple of years but am in the process of retraining in my own time and have also been applying for jobs in another field. So far no success. The last two weeks I have woken up on monday feeling awful, unable to stop crying and just so trapped. I am sat here crying and feeling this immense dread. So now I don't know what to do. Should I just go in and face it, I've been doing it for two years and it's always worse thinkibg about it than doing it. Or should I get help? Maybe I could get signed off. But if I did it would only be for a short time and then I would have to go back and it will be harder to get another job because of my attendance record and I will feel worse about myself.

I just don't know what to do. Am I depressed or do I just hate my job? Maybe I'm just lazy. I know you can't diagnose me but I have noone to ask.

Could you get a training contract to train as an accountant? Then you could start straight away and they would pay for your training?

@darceybussell I don't know. I could apply for something but I don't know if I would get it. I have been keeping an eye out for a job locally.

I'm a counsellor and it's very noticeable how difficult it is for teachers who hate their job. Teaching is hard to fake so you feel your whole essence isn't coping. Xxx

Would it be possible to start up as a private tutor for grinds to bring in extra money.
The system is flawed. You would have to be made if titanium to ignore it.
Your instinct is in flight. Take care

Hi OP - I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so miserable about work.

I've been in the same boat for a while, but last week I had a bit of a breakdown in my bosses office and I'm now off sick with stress. I'm due to see my GP tomorrow to get signed off for longer as well.

Please please remember that it's just a job. Your MH and happiness are so much more important. That's something I forgot recently and I kept on prioritising work and my colleagues - not that it was noticed! The pressure just kept building until it spilled over and now I am where I am. Don't let it get to the stage where it makes you ill - it's just not worth it.

My attendance record has never been shown to another potential employer...

Thanks so much for everyone's advice. I am reading and it really means a lot.

My attendance record has never been shown to another potential employer...

That’s interesting-I’m a teacher and have always had to say how many days I’ve had absent in the last 3 years on the application form.

Did you manage to get a GP appointment OP?

I saw the GP this morning and he is changing me to a different anti depressant. I have to come off mine first which is the scary bit but it felt so much better to talk about it. I also feel different now I have spoken to work. I have never told people at work about my depression before and they have been very supportive.

If anyone feels like I feel and is reading this, please do see a GP. Just seeing him today has made me feel so much more hopeful.

I had six months off teaching with stress. They didn't badger me because I got quite upset at getting any communication from them and in the end my local union officer agreed to field any emails/phone calls on my behalf. When I went back I was supernumerary and did intervention/small group work until the end of the year when I left for a (much much better job!). When I went for my new job OH called me and asked if I was having ongoing issues or treatment and when I said no (I didn't even go on ADs, just the time off was enough) it was never mentioned again.

God I hated that job! I don't even feel bad about the annoyance it must have been to them.

I love these stories they fill me with hope. I suspect that if I leave my depression/stress will leave too! I hope this will be my final academic year of teaching. Thank you to everyone who has commented Mumsnet is fab! I only hope there is a website like this for men who are struggling.

Have you had any work experience as an accountant ? It’s not a job that’s a good fit for everyone , I’ve encountered people that no matter how much they train they just don’t enjoy or grasp it. People see it as a good career but it’s something you need to have natural aptitude for really or you’ll end up hating that too. My friend left teaching recently to join the civil service and loves it - explore other options but things like accounts payable are good entry level jobs and require minimal training

I am glad you are feeling better. Sometimes you need a break to put things in order, it is great the school is supporting you.
Which AD are you going off.
I found prozac gave me panic attacks and anxiety after a few years.
I take steraline they have help massively.

Helped.

You sound like me when i was a supervisor at a well known supermarket. I used to drive up and long to see the building in flames. After working 22 days non stop i was crying at the thought of getting out of bed.
Have you just started anti depressants coz you can actually feel worse before you feel better?
I m a secondary school teacher myself so know it can be crummy and there are certain kids that make my heart sink!
Take time off and get well and maybe look to transferring to college or another school in the short term.
Good luck with the accountancy course.